i am so giddy right now. i've got most of my stuff unpacked and put away. this means i have all my decorations out and all of my posters up(well, all that i could fit) and it actually feels like my own personal space. for the first time in almost 4 months i'm in a room that feels like it's mine. i'm ALL about decorating and havingpictures and posters out, so it's been really theraputic. i can't wait for people to come see it. it's so much fun to put up all the posters i've collected at various shows and vip passes and the likes. and to burn candles in scents that i love.

now i just have to conquer my cd's. it's gonna be a long ass process. i've gotten SO MANY since last i organized - upwards of 100 i'd say - and they are as far from organized as they could possibly be.

that will be tomorrow's work.

and then i'm going to go see matt nathanson and o.a.r. tomorrow night. hell fucking yes.

i'm in such a damned good mood.

ok, no. i've got a more delicious feeling. actually melting into that someone.

you know what i've decided the most delicious feeling is? when you're sitting next to someone and there's that heat between you that you just want to melt into and cuddle up with...

this really makes me want to cry.

hi. i'm back. and i'm a little bit annoyed that i went to sleep at 2, woke up at 4:30 and haven't been able to go back to sleep since.

i'm seeing dave tomorrow.

lalalalala

i'm so fucking happy right now. i'm just...so content. it's gray and drizzling outside, and i just drove to best buy, listening to howie and matt, looking at all the incredible fall colors...and i just wanted to cry! lol

now i'm just walking around the house giggling, and lisa and lee don't quite know what's wrong with me....well, yeah they do. i'm home! yay!

50 Questions!
50 Things
1. Your name spelled backwards.
adnama nosilla onerom
2. Where were your parents born?
dad in douglas, az and my mom in rapid city, sd

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
i can't remember

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
bazil's and la parilla suiza

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
can't remember that one either. i went in a jacuzzi around july 4th

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
oliver!, cinderella, grease, anything goes, music man, fiddler on the roof...i might be forgetting some

7. How many kids do you want?
none

8. Type of music you dislike most?
rap/hip hop

9. Are you registered to vote?
yes

10. Do you have cable?
yes

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
yes


12. Ever prank call anybody?
all the time when i was in like 4th grade


13. Ever get a parking ticket?
only in tacoma

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
sky diving yes, bungee jumping...not so sure. not sure how either would be on the back.


15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
st. marteen

16. Do you have a garden?
kinda. my mom's backyard is insane.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
garfield

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
oh yeah. 50 gazillion years in choir pounds those words into your brain like none other.


19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
shower in the morning

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
lord of the rings again

21. Favorite pizza topping?
probably canadian bacon and pineapple. though i really like green peppers too.

22. Chips or popcorn?
chips, though i avoid both.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
sometimes i'll wear some icey-kinda-lipglossy stuff. no lipstick.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
riiiiiiiiiiiight

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
nope

26. Orange Juice or apple?
minute maid orange please

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
von's martini bar with mel and lisa and brian and erin and tyler and katie for calimari and vino!

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
kit kats

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
november 2000

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
the first time i ate a tomato, when i was like 6. and i didn't like it very much.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
me personally? i've gotten them - i don't think i've WON any. i've won several as part of a choir.

32. Are you a good cook?
when i decide i want to cook, sure. still trying to work up the nerve...er...desire...to cook for somepeople tomorrow night.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
yup. YAY! i have my CAR AGAIN! WWOOOHOOOOO! i'm gonna go drive it after i finish this and go back to bed for a while.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
nope

35. Sprite or 7-up?
sprite. damn. i wish i had some now.


36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
nope.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
vicodin


38. Ever throw up in public?
nope

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
true love. i'm such a closet hopeless romantic it's ridiculous.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
absolutley. don't think it works out all the time, but it definitely exists.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
not that i can remember...

42. Can ex's be friends?
sometimes

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
my sister

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
dont think so. and thenit was really curly for a while. and then it was blonde. and now it's straight some days, curly others, and brown.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
don't know what the full thing says, but i do know that i say "hello" in my normal way, which throws people off and the start talking to it. which makes me snicker.

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
ummmmmmmmmm...errrrrrrrrr...not a clue. dammit. i hate it when i answer questions like that.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
mickey. he was a yellow lab/border collie mix. the first night he was at our house, i let him sleep with my blankie and my favorite stuffed animal - an elephant. he at both and got parvo and almost died.


48. What is in your purse?
i left my purse in tucson cuz i didn't wanna bother with it. my wallet has some jack johnson tix, money, credit cards and my insurance card cuz we allknow i'm a little accident prone these days.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
talk to the person i've been thinking about a lot and be able to say goodnight to him.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
heh. i'm grateful that it's nice and dreary outside again. i'm grateful that i can sleep in this bed with 20 thousand blankets on it and not get hot. i'm grateful i'm at mel and lisa's, i'm grateful that i'm spending time with them, i'm grateful for seattle kind, i'm grateful to have someone who'll sit up and listen to dmb with me, i'm grateful that there was nothing wrong with my car other than the battery, i'm grateful that so far today i'm not in as much pain as i was in yesterday, i'm grateful that no one's home so i can walk around in my shirt and underwear, i'm grateful that i'm seeing dave so soon...

my horoscope for tomorrow:

Whatever you were doing, the hard part is over. And this is no convenient bailout, either: It's an absolute success. Maybe others finally believe you, or maybe you just convinced yourself once and for all. Either way, the next few days are all about celebration, permission, and high-spirited exploration of what was off limits for so long. Your words have weight even though you feel lighthearted to the point of floating. This just proves that levity is the opposite of gravity. How many more reasons do you need for laughing, anyway? A single good joke is all it takes.

wow.

i just drove around for over an hour. listening to music and thinking. and i have to say i'm overwhelmed. and a tad bit emotional, but in a good way. oh boy. here come the tears.

so three and a half months ago i came to tucson for a 4 day visit. and now...3 months later, so much has changed. i have been through so much. i have this astrology book that says "aquarians travel farther in their minds in one day than most people do in a year." and i'm just really reminded of that right now.

*deep breaths*

it's hard to write about because my mind goes off in so many different tangents...but i guess there are a few things that come to the forefront of my mind these days.

the first is that now that i've gotten over the sting of realizing who my friends are, i see how lucky i am that all of this happened. why? because last night i brought out all of the cd's that have been sent to me over the past few months. there must be 50 shows. because i look around my room and see plants and toys and other trinkets that friends who couldn't be here have sent. i see video tapes sent to help me get through missing the gorge. i remember phone calls from shows and other weekly phone calls from people so persistant in making sure i was ok. i remember aden coming into my house the day i found out i had the 2 herniated discs,when i was a total mess, and giving me a huge hug and saying "come on girl. we gotta get you back up and going to shows," and how much that made me laugh. i remember jeremy just showing up with cookies and finding this incredible friend in him that i didn't know i had.. i remember megan taking cabs to get to wherever i was just so that she could use her crackhead ways to comfort me. i remember getting a box of carmel apples straight from seattle just because lisa and becky were walking by and thought of me. i remember the awakening i had when i realized i could truly trust nate, all the times he wouldn't let me get off the phone until i had stopped crying.

my point is that even though you hear it said so often that as you get older, your "good friends" get weeded out until only a few really true friends are left. if that's the truth, i am so fucking lucky. so many people have done so many amazing things for me in the past few months, no matter what the distance. i'm so thankful for that. i can be a very difficult person to be friends with at some times, i think. i can shut down and keep to myself when things get bad, so much so that few people even know there's anything wrong. i've had to reach out for people quite a few times during this whole thing, and there is nothing i find more difficult than that - i HATE "bothering" people. and i've realized that the people who i've lost...well, it would've happened at some point or another, because i've noticed the inconsistencies in those relationships even before this happened. and that's ok.

it's been a long time since i've really felt anything. sure, there have been moments where i've caught myself dancing through the house on a natural high, but this is me we're talking about. i've been so full of life the past few years - on a full time high, be it at work or play, and to go from that to being completely numb was strange. before i left seattle back in july, i was so looking forward to moving back here and sharing that love of life with my friends - little did i know i wouldn't be coming back on my terms, and that all the things i wanted to share would be a little harder to dredge up.

god, it's been really really difficult. i've been through a lot. but i think i've managed the stress really well. and i have remembered to laugh. a lot.

i've had some really good times as of late, because when i go out with my friends there ain't no way in hell i'm taking my troubles with me - i'm out to laugh and have a good time and get away from all that. but then this last weekend...i just really felt like myself again(well, myself with a little more pain). wednesday night's hockey game was amusing, and it was so nice to just go out and talk to people afterwards. thursday night at the shanty was wonderful because bobbo was there and because everyone was in such good spirits.

and then friday night...i can't even explain it. i was just seeing the world through my "old eyes." i just wanted to walk around giving people hugs - before i even started drinking. jack was there. i fell into great conversations with people. kim and i talked about a lot of things that i knew only she would understand. brian and jeremy playing guitar in kristy's room...definitely the hilight for me. having ridiculous run ins throughout the night with one of kristy's work friends who i refer to as "kitchen boy" and who refers to me as "trouble." it was a really good night.

then saturday night...mini freakfest in my very own home. feeling the love even more than the night before(perhaps this is the result of beer vs. wine?). megan and i couldn't stop dancing. we listened to gorge nights 2 and 3, and i couldn't even help but yelling and clapping after some songs. just for the hell of it. once again, having bobbo around was fantastic. and jack. and just...feeling like myself again.

and i know the next two weeks are going to be very reflective for me. all i can think to say to mel when i see him is "what the fuck just happened?" i haven't seen him and lisa since their wedding. and i can't wait to give them hugs. i can't wait to hear mel giving me shit when i do go all emotional and girlie on his ass. and to hear lisa spazzing out about her students. and to drive over the bridge to their house, and just...get some kind of closure to that period of my life.

because things here are going to be ok.

hmm. nothin like a friday five on a sunday. i like this one a lot.

1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be? before these crowded streets
2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be? almost famous and american beauty
3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be? skinny legs and all, the complete works of shakespeare(is that cheating?) aaaaaaaaaaand uuuuuuuuuuuuuuum the handmaid's tale
4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?my mom's lasagna, potatoes, cranberry juice and chicken rolantine
5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?
oh god, that's a good one. colin, mel, nate, jeremy aaaaaaaaand uuuuuuuuuuuuuum hmmmm. i can't narrow it down enough to choose a fifth.

last night was so fucking fantastic. megan came over and we started listening to gorge night 3 and drinking wine. well, she was actually drinking SoCo, but whatever. we were so damned happy, dancing around the house and flipping out at the end of each song. it was gross.

people started trickling in, and i went to get bobbo and we just listened to music and talked and i was just really damned happy.

hello. i'm going to seattle tomorrow.

last night was just a really really good night.

this site is off the hook.

hmmm.
i'm really fucking tired right now.

but you know what? that really doesn't matter. because i get to see bobbo sometime in the next few days. and i'm going to seattle on monday. and i'm goign to go to concerts. and then for the grand finale i'm going to be seeing dave matthews from the fourth row on october 24th. and i cannot wait. and huffy is going to come out and sit with me.and that's gonna be fantastic.

faaaaaaaantastic.

i can't help but have giggle fits, even though i'm hardly awake.

oh, and i'm going to see howie and tori. that is going to be one of the most heavenly concerts of all time.

hmm. still awake. wide awake. and my arms are achey.

they hockey game was quite fun tonight. they were really truly terrible. some of those boys havent skated in 4+ years. we then went to our favorite local bar for post game beers and excellent conversation.

fuck. i'm not feeling this. but i don't wanna be awaaaaaaaake.

/end whine.

i'm not really all that fond of waking up out of a dead sleep after 3 hours and not being able to get back into it.

that said, i thinki'll go try again.

great googly moogly. last night i went into the bathroom and there was this MASSIVE wolf spider in the bath tub. now, i have a deal worked out with the little spiders around my house - cuz there's a lot here in the desert - if they just won't crawl on me while i'm sleeping, i won't kill them.

but this one...this one was way way way too big. *shudder shudder shudder*

but my fear is so great that i couldn't deal. so yes. at 3 in the morning, i went and woke my mom up so she could get rid of it while i stood on the other side of the house.

*shuddershuddershuddershudder*

anyway. i had two more things to write about.

the first being that they called to cancel my apt. for tomorrow. he's gotta go in for surgery. it's such a huge relief. i don't have to deal with it for 3 more weeks.

that said, at my last apointment i had told him that i was moving back to seattle october 14th. so this apointment was to serve as my final "go ahead and go" check up, since i wouldn't be here for my 3 month check up. if i was still planning on moving back next week...i'd be a mess right now. crying. realizing i'd have to wait 3 more weeks. god. i'm so fucking glad i made the decision to stay here. just...GOD. it would've been the same cycle all over again

item number two: the boys start playing hockey again starting tomorrow night. as i think i've said before, i'm really fucking excited. it also mean, though, that i'm going to see johnny. for the first time in like 2 years. and i'm not freaking out about it, really, it's just weird. especially because i've thought of him so much over the past few months - hell, i've even driven by his house on the off chance he'd be outside. i'm just really curious as to what's become of him. and i might be a total fool for saying it, but i think it'll be good to see him.

hopefully the bitch won't be there with him.

:)

i can't sleep. again.

ok. just found a survey i did about a year and a half ago. the original answers can be found somewhere on here.

On you...
Full Name:... my middle name is allison. and google searches make me paranoid.
Height:..5'9 and some
Birthday:..2/8/80
Hair color:..i haven't dyed it in a long long long time, but the red highlights are still around
Eye Color:..i'm a brown-eyed girl(sha la la la la la la la la la
la ti da)
Siblings?...daniel - 20, ami and angela - a lot older than me
Do they look like you? ami does, the other two don't really
Righty or lefty? righty
Hobbies: "i dig music." how many times in my life can i used that damned quote? at this point in time i'd also have to say reading and writing.
How do others describe you? honest, quirky, crazy, freaky, ...


On Friends...
Friend(s) that act like you? i've been told jack channeled me at the gorge. i think jane and i speak alike sometimes.
Friend(s) you go to for advice? at this point?sometimes my fellow corkwhores, sometimes jeremy, sometimes bob
Friends(s) who you give advice to? it's really rare that i give advice anymore. i'm an excellent listener, but giving advice can be really tricky.


On Guys...(for girls to fill out)
Boxers or briefs? boxers or boxer breifs or nothing
Long or short hair? short
Dark or blonde? dark
Tall or short? T.A.L.L.
6 pack or muscular arms? arms all the way, baby
Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? funny
Good guy or bad guy? good guy
Dark or light eyes? it don't matta none
Hat or no hat? i love backwards hats, but i'm also fond of running my fingers through a guys hair
Ears pierced or no? if he can pull it off, sure
Tan or fair? i could care less
Freckles or none? good god! who cares?!
Stubble or neatly shaved? it really depends on the guy. stubble really makes certain guys attractive to me, but it looks ridiculous on others.
Rugged outdoorsy type or sportsy type? how about just *my* type
Accent or American? accents are hot. period. not a requirement, tho


On preferences...
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? chocolate milk has totally become my only comfort food. even though i hate milk.
Coke or Pepsi? i think i od'ed on cola. i haven't drank any soda in a long time. drank? drunk? dranken? drunken?
Rather marry the perfect lover or perfect friend? how about the perfect mix of the two?
Sweet or sour? sour
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? root beer
Tea or coffee? tea or frapucchino
Sappy/action/comedy/horror/romantic? i'm terrible at watching movies. don't have the attention span for most of them.
Ocean or pool? ocean. with surfers. lots of them. coming out of the water to talk to me...aaah...
Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? RANCH! nacho cheese is ok, but i can't deal with the smell and the orange fingers.
With or without ice? lots and lots of ice
Milk chocalate/white? milk chocolate
Rain or shine? i love the rain - the smell, the color of the sky, the sound... i do love those california sunny days too, though. 75 and perfectly sunny...the feeling of a breeze on my skin is so sensual...
Top or Bottom? at this point i'm gonna go with bottom. but i still like to switch it up.
Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? spring. the colors are amazing.
Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla ice cream, chocolate milkshake
Biking or blading? i'll walk, thank you
Cake or cookies? neither
Cereal or toast? if i eat breakfast, it's usually cereal
Rock/ska/punk/rap/pop/alt/techno/country/swing?yes please. well, except for rap and country.
Gloves or mittens? i live in the desert, yo
Eyes open or closed? depends on his fuck face. juuuuuuuuuuust jokin'. usually closed. unless i want them open.
Fly or breathe under water? fly
Chewing gum or hard candy? Gum. Icebreakers. Yum.
Motor boat or sailboat? either
Lights on or off? off. i like darkness. candle light is good, though

What's your favorite....
Color? black, blue, green, deep red or purple...
Number? 17
Drink? vodka tonics, margaritas or bucket drinks from this one bar in tacoma...they serve them in sand pails!
Animal? doggies
Holiday? new years eve
Sound, Rain Thunder or Wind? rain
Band/singer? definitely slayer
Movie? almost famous, dazed and confused, english patient, grease, terms of endearment, american beauty...
TV show? i don't have one right now
Radio station? don't like the radio
Place Been To?seeeeaaaaaaaattle or vancouver. or portland. or san francisco. or new york city. get a rope.
Flower? lillies
Food? lasagna. i guess. but ONLY the kind my mom makes.
Shape? tetrahedral begetion


In the future
packages will be sent to distant lands through beams of light(sorry. you know i had to add that. fuckin howie.)
Where u you gonna live?seeeeeaaaaaaattle. probably a few other places in between. i'd like to live on the east coast for a bit, but right now i don't know that i'll ever be able to call anywhere other than washington home.
How many kids? NONE. do you see what's going on in the world today? i'd have such a huge guilt trip...
Names? i'd planned on brian robert, keila adrienne and gavin michael, but seeing as i'm not having any...
College? shit.i should finish that soon.
What are u gonna do? LIVE!!!
What does your ideal girlfriend/boyfriend look like?i could tell you but then i'd have to kill you
What is your dream date? as long as the person is right, it don't matta none
Do you like to call or be called? i like to be called
Make plans or go along w/ them? it depends on my mood. if i'm feeling fickle, i'd rather go along. if there's a concert in town, i'm all over that shit.
Make the moves or wait for them to come out? god. my old answer said i wait. ooooh, how things have changed. i prefer to wait, but if i want something, i usually go after it. it's fun. :)
Ever been in love? nope.
Move anywhere, where would it be? i'll give you one guess.
Buy any car, what would it be? an expensive one, then sell it to have money for tour
Dye your hair one color, what would it be? i'm getting ready to dye it dark brown again.
Have a tattoo, where/what would it be? i wanna get some kind of strength symbol over the scar on my back
Live w/ one person for the rest of your life, who would it be? oh jeeze. i'm not even touching that one.
Murder someone or steal a gumball? steal a gumball


Name one thing...
One person you love: you :)
One thing you wish you had done that you didn't: ummmmm...hmmmm...this lends itself to regrets, and i just don't see the point in regrets. the point IS that i did in fact do it.
One thing that you wish you hadn't done that you did: unprotected sex. gotta stay away from that one. but again, see answer above...
One thing you REALLY wanna do: hello. dmb. msg. dec.
One thing you did yesterday: said yes when someone offered to tie my shoe for me in public. god bless him.(not being able to bend over is a bitch)
One thing that annoys you: good friends that aren't there for you


What's the first thing you do when you...
Get up? turn the comp on
Get in the shower? wash my hair
Get to school? what's school?
Get home from school? heckle an iguana
Do you bite your fingernails? i have been today
Pick your nose? this is kind of like asking someone if they masturbate - if they say no, they're lying.
Cheat on tests/homework? not in a long time

How often do you...
Shower? once a day. unless i'm in the hospital.
Make your bed? throw the covers up daily.
Clean your room? about once a week
Take a bath? never
Talk/walk in your sleep? nope. my secrets are pretty damend hard to pry out of me
Tell people you love them? definitely not enough AT ALL, though i tell my mom every night.
Play w/ your animals? not enough.
Brush your teeth? at least twice a day. can't stand having a bad taste in my mouth.


Who are you
In love with? you. again. :)
Mad or frustrated with? eh, i'm getting over it.

What is...
Under your bed? valium
On your nails? nuthin
On your feet? nuthin
On your walls? some dmb schtuff, some monet and some dahli
On your mouse pad? no mouse pad on this here laptop
On your bed? a bed spread and sheets that aren'tmine
On your ceiling? a fan



ok. that survey was way too long.

yes, yes. archives are fun.

oofda. archives. there's some semi-amusing stuff in there. of course, i'm probably the only one amused by it. but i used to be much more animated in this thing...

dammit. i want a blog template that i like. i would like this one if it weren't for that stupid grey space at the right side of the screen. what the fuck purpose does that serve? don't tell me it looks good, because it doesn't.

and i want SPACE between my title and my quote, dammit. of course i'm sure i could figure out how to do that myself but i just don't feel like it. if i felt like doing THAT then i might as well design a blog template i actually like.

ahem.

i'm done now. :)

oh yay. bush is speaking tonight. this should be fun.

in other news, i'm already nervous as hell for my check up on wednesday. it's making me want to cry. i don't want to go. i want to reschedule it for after i get back from seattle. while my mental state as of late has been really good(which is actually the most important thing to me right now) i know that things aren't going well back there - no pun intended. i'm guessing i'm going to be going in for another MRI soon. and i don't know what stresses me out more...not knowing exactly what's going on, or facing the possibility that something is wrong...

blech.

i love being right. it's great fun.

oh god. i just checked out pollstar to see what concerts will be in seattle/vancouver/portland while i'm there.

my mouth is watering so much right now. i can't deal.

oh. and did i mention that i get to see bobbo in like 5 days? because that really really makes me happy too.

why today has rocked
by amanda moreno

today has rocked because i got out of the house. i went with my good friend jeremy down to tucson's little shopping district so that we might search for the necessary parts of his halloween costume. jeremy is going to be The Dude from the big lebowski. our other friends are going to dress up as the other characters. we had to search for a wig and a robe. we did not find either down on the ave, but we did discover a nifty little smoke shop that made me really wish i had $400 to spend on a bong.

for tobacco use only, of course.

then we went to savers. a nice big thrift store that jeremy frequents where he takes pride in finding shirts for 99 cents that say weird things like...well i can't think of an example right now. here we found a wig and a robe. $11 later, the halloween costume was complete.

next we drove from restaurant to restaurant so that he might pick up applications for a second job.

i finally came home and just finished booking my flight to seattle for 2 weeks. i'm going home. i cannot wait. i can't believe i'm actually going. and i'm going to go to vancouver and see jack. and i'm going to see him in seattle as well. and i'm going to dance a lot. and if i don't get tickets for the dave solo show, i'll go to see the string cheese incident in tacoma. and if i get tickets for the dave solo show, i'll probably cream myself twelve times and officially end my run in seattle the right way. and huffy will be there. and that will make me very very happy.

and i'll come home just in time to see all the boys dressed up at a halloween party.

word to all that.

oh. and i'm not that excited about the fact that etree.org is down. it takes a long time to make a list of shows. i'm not that anxious to do it all over again.

i am so bored right now that i can't even persuade myself to do anything.

i've been laying here for hours and now i'm just kinda flat and blah. just keep flipping channels. i was gonna go to a party but then i decided i'm not feeling all that social.

hm.

yay.

what an interesting entry.

i made the best purchase today. relix magazine. i picked it up because i knew dmb was on the cover. and i know that it is a "jam band" magazine, so i'm sure this particular cover story will cause some controversy in that arena, seeing as the majority of "jam band" fans happen to be dmb haters. well...if not a majority, then a very vocal minority.

anyway.

i open it up, and there's a full page ad for the bonnaroo cd. and a full page ad for disco biscuits. ads for soulive and medeski martin and wood and string cheese... articles on festivals with people i actually care about. review for albums i'd actually want to listen to - including seattle's own maktub. nickel creek. karl denson's tiny universe. just all these bands that i'm so into. it got me really excited. perhaps too excited for a 4 dollar magazine.

oh man. i'm so feeling norah jones today.

since i can't sleep, i'm stealing this survey from christina's blog. :)

What do you most like about your body? hands
And least? back
How many fillings do you have? none
Do you think you're good looking? yes
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? oh yeah. every hour on the hour.
Do you look like any celebrities? nope
Do you wear a watch? used to wear one religiously. then i went to the beach for 2 weeks about 6 years ago and didn't wear one and haven't been able to wear one since.
How many coats and jackets do you own? what a weird question. one wool peacoat, a fleece coattypething, an anorak. nothin real serious.
Favorite pants/skirt color? i like jeans.
Most expensive item of clothing? i haven't the foggiest.
What kind of shoes do you wear? right now all i wear is sneakers because they are the only shoes i can wear with my fucked up ankle/foot.i'm gonna go get some boots soon so i can at least alternate between the two. i miss my flip flops. :(
Describe your style in one word: right.
Do your friends 'know' you? nah
What do they tend to be like? freaks. all of them. that's the only thing they all have in common.
Are there traits in you that are universally liked? um. no gag reflex? ;)
How many people do you tell everything to? zero.
Favorite band ever? oh, that's funny.
Most listened to bands: right now it'd be dmb and phish.
Do you find any musicians good-looking? musicians have got to be the most unattractive breed on earth.
Can you play an instrument? i've taken piano and clarinet lessons. i attempt the guitar when i go through certain phases. and i can play my voice! yeah!
Type of music most listened to? that kind that i like a lot.
Type never listened to? i avoid rap.
Favorite book? skinny legs and all by tom robbins. go read it. now.
Do you detest religion? sometimes i do. pretty much any time i watch the news or talk to anyone who is blindly religious.
How do you think this universe was formed? i was born and POOF! there it was. ;)
If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant? ignorance isn't selective.
Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment? bono
What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day? i. love. rain.
Do you consider yourself lucky? very
Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide?yup
Choose one word to describe how you feel most often:anxious
Do you smoke? yes.
What brand? whatever's there. i haven't bought cigs in a long long time.
Drugs? yes please
Pot? YES please
Shrooms? yum. not in a long time, but they're my favorite.
Acid/LSD? not any more.
Ecstasy? second favorite, but i think i did enough to last me a few life times.
Cocaine/Crack? no
Heroin in any form?absolutley not. first off, i know i'd like it too much. second off, i hate needles.
First grade teacher's name: mrs. clark
Last word you said: house
Last song you sang: spoon
What's in your CD player: in my room: vegas phish 2000 nights 1 and 2. in the living room: 5 different dmb cd's. in the car: bonnaroo compilation disc 2.
What color socks are you wearing:none! and i'm getting cold!
What's under your bed: good question. i don't think anything.
What time did you wake up today: 9:07am
Where do you want to go? where you are is where i wanna be
What is your career going to be: something fantastic
Where are you going to live? wherever the hell i want.
How many kids do you want? NONE
Current hair: um. i just shaved.
Current clothes: t shirt and underwear
Current annoyance: pain in my back and legs
Current smell: nothin
Current longing: cuddling
Current desktop picture: stefan. oooooooooooh stefan.
Current favorite artist:no lo tengo.
Current book: god's breath
Current worry:what's the use in worrying? (hahhahaha. that's a good one.)
Current time-wasting wish: going to a show this december.
Current hate: there isntone
Current favorite article of clothing:my bonnaroo necklace
Favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex:shoulders, hands, eyes
Do you believe in an afterlife? i suppose so in some shape or form. "heaven?" no. thanks, though.
One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: someone who i'll be seeing in less than a week.
A line from the last thing you said to someone: "good luck getting him in the house"

spoon in spoon
stirring my coffee
i thought of you and turned to the gate
and on my way came up with the answers
i scratched my head
and the answers were gone...

i had so much to say earlier today...it was absolutley amazing outside - california weather all the way. and i was in a fantastic mood. awesome concert last night. good times today...

but now i'm sooooooooooo tired and getting ready to go to my mom's friend's house for his birthday and then over to paul's for a night of drinking games.

so. i'll have to write about it later.

lots and lots going on today.

talked to jack this morning. for a while he's been after me to sit down and talk to those people here who have so dissapointed me lately. of course, in his mind i should be agressive and angry, but that's just not me. plus, i'm not one to tell anyone "boohoo. why am i not more important to you?"

anyway. he said he was talking to matt last night and ended up chewing him out. why? because matt said something about how i'd been blowing everyone off and not calling anyone(which by "everyone and anyone" he must just mean he and maggie). and jack pretty much laid the smack down. basically said "listen. she had major surgery. she didn't hear from "everyone" for weeks after this surgery. i don't care how busy you are, you can pick up a phone and call and see how one of your best friends is doing. and how the hell is someone who can only sit for short periods of time supposed to drive 45 minutes to see people who have shown that they don't give a fuck about her?" he then pretty much made matt cry by reminding him of all the stuff i've done for them through the years and blahblah. of course, his method of unleashing on matt was much more harsh than mine would have been, but oh well.

anyway. matt's called last night and today and wants to see me tomorrow...so yeah. i guess that's good. i guess.

oof. i gotta pee.

told my mom last night. she was pretty excited, as i knew she would be. we're trying to figure out how in the hell to get my car back here, but it'll all work out...

lalalalala.
it's 2:21 am. and i'm in pain. and can't sleep because i can't find a comfortable position to lay in besides on my back and i can't sleep when i'm on my back. so i'm watching indiana jones and the temple of doom. word.