oh, and one more thing.

i have this pact with bugs. as long as they don't bother me, i won't kill them. or at least i try not to. because it makes me feel guilty. so today, i kept seeing these big black ants in the house. and i was making a point of catching them and taking them outside. but then i saw one and i just stepped on it.

and i feel awful about it.

well, i'm back. and as could be expected, so at peace that i really have nothing to say. i mean, i have everything to say but blogging about it doesn't seem like it would get me anywhere. you know the drill...i'm baffled at the perfection that surrounds me. i'm lifted up just by going outside and looking at my surroundings. i'm content and secure and happy and excited for what's to come.

the drive up was really quite entertaining for me. made kick ass time, especially considering the holiday traffic i encountered the last 6 hours of the drive on monday. there were times where lucidity seemed as if it had permanently left me. but it's amazing how fast time goes when you have music. and the one thing that is still blaring through my head constantly is:

one good thing about music
when it hits you
you feel no pain

o.a.r. style of course.

speaking of which, their new cd came out yesterday. it just so happened that it was my first full day back, the sun was shining, it was about 75 degrees outside, mt. rainier was kickin', mel had the day off....so we went to get the cd. it was quite exciting! i don't know what i was expecting, but it has so far surpassed anything i dreamed it could be. those boys made a damn fine cd. i cant stop listening to it. and after we went and had teryaki at my favorite place, we came back and smoked a little seattle kind(!!!) and watched the bonus dvd. which really in my opinion is far more of a legitimate full length dvd than just a "bonus." so much live footage and behind the scenes material in addition to a documentary that really favors my favorite piece of dmb memorabilia - mtv's "open wide." i felt myself plumeting in love with this band. i used to consider them mediocre music talents. my mind has been changed time and time again. it's like i said to mel...i remember watching them at the portland show in february of 2002. i remember so clearly that wide eyed awareness that they were in fact the next thing. and every time i've seen them since them, i've felt that. they have everything dmb has, but they've got the incredible advantage of having the technology to promote it. and this new cd just cements that into place.

so in any case, the cd is amazing. i'm trying to pinpoint what it is that makes so many people such haters of them. but i have to say, i feel the same way about them as i do dmb - i'm just lucky that i do get it and that i am able to love them like i do.

whoosh.

i think i had more to say but my leg fucking hurts like hell(a whole nother story) and i need to go write a few thank you's to some people.

word to your mutha.

all week i've been meaning to write about my fond memories of this time last year. the great 3600 mile road trip spanning LA to vancouver with lots of backtracking, 5 dmb shows, 2 howie shows and a festival. seriously some of the best memories of my life.

but what can i say. it's been a crazy week.

however, i'd like to take this moment to focus on one year ago tonight. the vancouver show. we left portland at 10 in the morning for what should have been a 5 hour drive. 10 hours later, we arrived in vancouver, no thanks to overturned gravel trucks, accidents and backups like you wouldn't believe. i was a bit stressed. but it was a great show, complete with second row center seats and a crying dave during crush(trust me. im telling the truth. that happened.)

afterwards, we reached the border around 12.30 or 1. about the same time as 30,000 other kids who needed to cross did. alas, there was only one lane open. traffic was stopped dead for a few miles. shut the car off, blasted some jack, offered some people some sour patch kids and bonded. people were playing hackey sack and frisbee and chit chatting. i left nate and rudy and went on a quest to see if i could find mel and lisa's car further up. along the way, i made a friend who walked with me for a while. i think he was searching for some people too. we chatted about life and music and everything else(is there anything else?) and then parted. by the time we finally got through, 3 and a half hours later, i was beat. the previous week was finally catching up with me. i remember driving down the freeway, feeling like i was in a video game.

that was when i decided we had to stop at a hotel. and then i jammed my thumb in the door of my car.

and that may24th ended.

:)

the best thing just happened to me.

i found a bottle with 25 valium in it.

!!!!!!

that's fucking great! trust me! it's great! i didn't want leftover percs and vicodin, i wanted valium! because it helps muscle spasms! woohoooo!! yay yay yay!!!!!!!!

i know, i know: "go take a valium, amanda"

ok, well...
i'm leaving for seattle tonight. gonna shave a few hours off by driving to phoenix and hanging out with some friends there, and then tomorrow and the next day will be nice, long 11 hour days. no clue how this happened. really hasn't sunk in with me at all. all i know right now is that i wanna see jack on monday night at the showbox and it's just not looking like that's going to happen. damned popular bastard not allowing me to have a welcome home present. still trying to decide if i'll go to the venue and try outside. i kinda doubt it, seeing as after 11 hours of driving, if i don't get in i'll probably die.

in any case. i'll be at mel and lisa's in just 48 hours. that's insane.

"good, common sense environmental policy"?????? what the fuck?

http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/05/20/bush.forests/index.html

um.
need to find a place to live.
need to find a place to stay in the bay area.
need to figure out when i'm leaving(saturday or sunday...).
need to pack.
need to sleep.

yeah, um...everything i ever said about how completely unattractive i find the mraz guy? big big lies. he's such a cutie!

hehehe



City On Down - A concert staple. A song about
being together with everyone you care about in
the end.





What O.A.R. Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i currently have about 250 political/war/"cause" related emails i havent read that i'm trying to wade through. just got to one with this article from the arizona daily star.


This article appeared on the front page of the Daily Star on Saturday:

http://www.azstarnet.com/star/sat/30517iBRITAIN-LYNCH.html



Tucson, Arizona Saturday, 17 May 2003



Lynch rescue staged, BBC says

By Don Melvin

COX NEWS SERVICE

LONDON - The daring rescue of Jessica Lynch, a 19-year-old private who lay trapped behind enemy lines in Iraq, was one of the most inspiring stories to emerge from the war in Iraq. U.S. special operations troops braved enemy fire to rescue an American who had been badly wounded and was being maltreated.

Or so the story goes, according to U.S. officials.


A BBC broadcast Sunday will challenge that version of events, charging that some of what U.S. officials fed news reporters was false. Lynch received no battle wounds and her rescuers endured no enemy fire, according to the television report titled "Saving Private Jessica: Fact or Fiction"?

Instead, the BBC show, which has been previewed in the London-based Guardian newspaper and on the BBC Web site, will allege the so-called daring rescue was essentially a Hollywood-style stunt designed to buck up sagging American support when the troops appeared to be getting bogged down.

It is reported by John Kampfner, a veteran foreign correspondent, author and maker of television documentaries. It appears to be based largely on interviews conducted in Nassiriya after the city was freed from the control of Saddam Hussein's regime. Some of the account was reported earlier by the Times of London, the Toronto Star and The Washington Post.

Lynch, an Army supply clerk, was captured March 23 when her 507th Maintenance Company convoy was ambushed after it took a wrong turn near the southern Iraqi city of Nassiriya. Nine other U.S. soldiers were killed. Lynch was taken to the hospital in Nassiriya.

According to widely reported accounts at the time, Lynch suffered gunshot wounds and was stabbed. She was interrogated and roughed up in her hospital bed. Her care was poor. The hospital was overrun with Iraqi Fedayeen militiamen.

Then, in the early hours of April 2, according to the U.S. military, U.S. Army Rangers and Navy SEALs acted on a tip from an Iraqi lawyer who risked his life to disclose Lynch's location. The U.S. force dodged enemy gunfire, stormed the hospital, rescued Lynch and helicoptered her to safety.

The assault was filmed by a U.S. military night vision camera. Within hours, military officials in Qatar made what the BBC said was an edited version of the film available to news organizations.

According to Iraqis interviewed by the BBC, Lynch's care was good, considering that the war that raged outside. She was given blood transfusions, some of it donated to her by the medical staff. She was assigned, the BBC reports, the only "specialist bed" in the hospital and one of only two nurses on the floor.

Dr. Harith al-Houssona said he attended to Lynch the entire time.

"I examined her," he told the BBC. "I saw she had a broken arm, a broken thigh and a dislocated ankle. There was no (sign of) shooting, no bullet inside her body, no stab wound - only RTA, road traffic accident. They want to distort the picture. I don't know why they think there is some benefit in saying she has a bullet injury."

The BBC report also alleges that the U.S. rescuers did not come under fire, as military spokesmen claimed - and that they knew they would face no resistance. A waiter at a local restaurant said he told the U.S. advance party the Fedayeen had all left, the broadcast reports.

Dr. Anmar Uday, another doctor, told the BBC he was surprised by the helicopter assault when the Americans must have known there were no soldiers in the hospital.

"It was like a Hollywood film," Uday said, according to the BBC. "They cried, 'Go, go, go,' with guns and blanks and the sound of explosions. They made a show - an action movie like Sylvester Stallone or Jackie Chan, with jumping and shouting, breaking down doors."

Kampfner, writing in the Guardian, said Bryan Whitman, a Pentagon spokesman in Washington, declined to release the unedited military video to clear up discrepancies. Nor would Whitman comment on Lynch's injuries, saying only that he understood there is "some conflicting information out there."

However, Whitman said Friday that the public affairs office had no video footage of the rescue other than what it had shown. A U.S. Central Command spokesman said he also was aware of no additional video material.

Lynch is reported to have no recollection of the events. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer declined comment Friday.

-------

the pentagon's reaction.


will we ever know the truth? probably not. i just found this interesting because when the story broke, i was immediately cynical, but didn't say anything because i figured it was tactless.

oh, and i've written a LOT of poems in the past week. i go through these spells every now and then where i can't stop. but i haven't really had one like this in years. and for once, i'm actually liking them. it's a really good feeling.

i need to write about this weekend. but...i don't feel like it right now.

what i do feel like saying is...i kinda wish i knew about this seattle job thing. one way or the other. and honestly, i haven't said this to anyone, but as much as i wanted it, i'm praying i don't get it. because i'm already coming up with lies in my head about why i can't take it. the reality of the situation is that while i could probably make it work, i need to spend the summer not paying rent and working 40 hours a week. not at a job where i'm not necessarily guaranteed any hours at all. and i hate saying that, because right now i am working 40 hours a week, and i can't stand it.

well, as much as i "can't stand" anything. i mean, you know me - i'll pretty much go with it, and it's not wrecking my life or anything. but i've read 3 books in the past week because i don't do *anything* at that job. the people are nice. there's some interesting customers. but for the most part i just sit there, and it's already gotten really old. thankfully, it's just temporary, til they fill the position. but it's making me want to do something meaningful or fun even more. and the seattle thing would be both. but again...i really need to save massive amounts of money, especially since i'll be taking 18 credits next semester. and searching through the ads for sublets and places to live, there just isn't anything affordable available right now. so...

yeah.

i'm kinda over wanting to go to seattle. maybe i'm just fooling myself. but it'd really probably be the least wise decision i could make right now, even though i'm usually all for the "go for the experience over everything else" mindset.

word.

i do not want to be up right now.

you know...i'm sorry if i kind of have issues when a family member who hasn't really been in our lives for years emails me and wants to get the details on my life. i mean, i'll answer direct questions, and i'm not gonna be rude, but when ya live 2 hours away and play it off as "oh! what's going on! your sister has kind of been keeping me updated on you... i really need to try and get up there to see you ." i wouldn't say i'm bitter that we have certain aunts and uncles who completely stayed out of things when daniel was initially diagnosed or when i went through all my back shit, but their absense has definitely made me rather indifferent, especially seeing as there were so many around who did assume the roles of family members and who did help us out as much as they could.

i mean i guess it's good to try and re-form ties with family. sure. rather than letting it all go until death. but still...i guess i'm just a little dubious.

ah, my family. i love 'em, but they're really only family by title, not in meaning.

well, lots of them anyway.

ok. i'm done :)

i had the best idea today.

i think the only thing i'm good at doing lately is making lists.

-i had an erie realization tonight about someone i used to love quite a bit. and while it's a harsh one, it made me a lot more secure with who i am. because despite how i used to feel, i just don't want to be around him anymore. what's so great about it is that while he's done some shitty things to me in recent history, that's not what's driving this. it's just who he's become. ii don't want to be around people like him. life's too short. much like the reasons i can't be around his girlfriend either. it's scary to think how true it is that people who are dating assume traits of the other. and a very unfortunate waste of a passionate heart.

-listening to "rush of blood to the head" while 26.000 miles above the surface, heading into one of the most vibrant and intense orange, red, pink and purple sunsets i've ever seen is yet another reason i can't stop listening to that damned cd. amazing experience to end a fantastic weekend.

-suprises are great. freaks CAN pull them off without someone ruining it(ah, bill.). love is real, life is good, and beauty is everywhere. i think i totally just botched that quote, but you get the point. again...i'm so lucky to have so much love in my life and so many people to share it with. i can only wish that everyone else finds the same sense of security and contentment.

-i get really quiet around people i don't know sometimes, and i have absolutely no control over it when it happens.

-i have no clue where i'll be living in 3 weeks.

-i'm pretty sure i think about sex more than any guy i know.


-arizona evenings....somewhere in between spring and summer...are magical. twilight brings this chill to the air that is absolute perfection on bare shoulders. to be kissed by the wind...

-i'm feeling a little poetic.

-come and dance with me...


-

i'm seeing mraz in a week.

*giggle*

and yes, in the picture below i am, in fact, drinking wine out of a beer mug.

just for the record. :)

patheticness happened tonight.
im standing around having perfectly good conversation. when suddenly. i get a coldplay song in my head. track #2 from rush of blood to be exact. and i was dying to hear it. and then i realized that i took it out of my car so i could listen to it in my room and then made a point of not putting it back. so i'd have to listen to something else.

it was misery!
all i wanted on my way-too-long drive home tonight was this song. and luckily, i put some o.a.r. on, and was able to lose myself, but.... this song...is on now...and...jesus...

singing please please please
come back and sing to me
to me
come on and sing it out
now, now
come on and sing it out
to me, me
come back and sing it

in my place, in my place
well lines that i could've changed
i was lost, oh yeah
oh yeah

let's see if i can do this...



that'd be aden, me and colin. yay!

so...the EMP called again today. left a message. just making sure that i knew that the formal application materials should be getting here any day, and that they're very very very interested in having me fill them out so they can complete the application process. and they also want to make sure i'm still interested(even though when i talked to them yesterday i assured them i was.).

and that's all fine and dandy.

but i just don't want to get my hopes up. because i have no fucking clue how i'm gonna pull this one off. and i'm good at yanking stuff out of my ass when it comes to making it work out. but...i cannot afford seattle rent. that is so crystal clear to me.

oh god. but a summer there...*blissful sigh*

oh look. stupid mother fucking warning sign god damned coldplay song just came on. i say that lovingly, of course. :)


a warning sign
i missed the good part, then i realized
i started looking and the bubble burst
i started looking for excuses
come on in, i've gotta tell you what a state i'm in
i've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
that i started looking for a warning sign

when the truth is
i miss you
yeah, the truth is
that i miss you so

a warning sign
you came back to haunt me and i realized
that you were an island and i passed you by
you were an island to discover
come on in
i've gotta tell you what a state i'm in
i've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
that i started looking for a warning sign

when the truth is
i miss you
yeah, the truth is
that i miss you so
and i'm tired
why shouldn't i have let you go?

so i crawl back into your open arms
yes i crawl back into your open arms
and i crawl back into your open arms
yes i crawl back into your open arms



have you all gone out and bought this cd yet?

[x] name: amanda
[x] birthday: feb 8
[x] piercings: 2 in each ear, tongue
[x] tattoos: workin on it
[x] height: 5'9" and some
[x] shoe size: 12!
[x] hair color: all shades of brown
[x] length: about boob length
|x| Three worst qualities: procrastinator, i can be condescending to people who don't deserve it, slacker
|x| Two things you are often complimented for: being a "free spirit", being a good listener


current...
[x] current clothes: jeans and tank top
[x] current mood: happy- pretty chill. jack is on. but i gotta go to the UA again in a few, so the challenge will be to maintain that.
[x] current taste: listerine
[x] current annoyance: nerve pain
[x] current smell: my room.. lavendar
[x] current thing you ought to be doing: stretching
[x] current desktop picture: dave matthews from blueman group video. i need to change that. probably isn't helping anything. ok. now it's a picture of a sunset from bonnaroo.
[x] current favorite book: skinny legs and all by tom robbins
[x] current refreshment: nada
[x] current worry: lol. whatever. what's the use?
[x] current crush: blah


random questions...
[x] what's up?: this jack is really good. i was reading a review last night where they compared him to dave and someone else, but then pretty much said he's better.
[x] who likes you: my dog
[x] what do you want to do: sex would be great, thanks.
[x] who is one person you never get sick of: mel
[x] who is one person you would marry tomorrow: howie
[x] do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?: mostly on my side, but every once in a while on my stomach. never on my back.
[x] do you like water?: fuckin love it. ice cold water. mmmmm.
[x] what do you collect?: music
[x] if your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would you save?: pictures and journals
[x] have you ever said "i love you" and not meant it? possibly, but i can't think of a specific occurence.
[x] what time is it?: 9.50am
[x] what time did you wake up this morning?: about 8.30
[x] who would you trade places with for a day?: kate hudson
[x] what are you looking forward to?: my first dmb show in way too long
[x] do you regret any of your past relationships?: nah
[x] shampoo do you use: neutrogena something or other
[x] are you scared of: spiders. there was a big one in my dream last night. dammit.


last time you've...
[x] cried: can't remember
[x] bought something: yesterday
[x] gotten sick: january?
[x] eaten: around 7 last night
[x] been kissed: recently enough
[x] been hugged: saturday
[x] felt stupid: 2 minutes ago
[x] wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: i'm pretty good about doing that
[x] been to a concert: last monday. *sigh*


social life...
[x] boyfriend: no
[x] interests: music, music, music, writing, learning about people, reading, constantly changing
[x] what type of automobile do you drive:93 camry. i'm in love with it.
[x] do you have a job: i temp. so sometimes. last time i worked? 2 weeks ago.
[x] do you like being around people: yes. unless i'm not in the mood.
[x] have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: of course.
[x] have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yes
[x] do you have a "type" of person you always go after: my last chain of 3 or 4 seems to be the guys who have a lot of love to give, and who are hopelessly scarred by their exes. it's really fun. you should try it sometime.
[x] ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: not really
[x] want someone you don't have right now: not really someone specific, but good lord, i'm wanting someone who i can just talk to for hours and hours...
[x] ever liked your best guy friend: ugh
[x] do you want to get married: i don't know. not for a long long long long long time if ever.
[x] do you want kids: no
[x] what is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my lips or eyes
[x] are you happy with you: most of the time
|x| what makes you happy: music, friends, music, friends, music
|x| upsets you: the president, war, death, extravagance


last...
[x] person you've called: the girls
[x] person who's called you: grandparents
[x] person who's used your phone: me
[x] person you've told a secret to: lenelle
[x] movie you watched: spiderman
[x] person you were thinking of: esther


do...
[x] you wish you could live somewhere else: hello. yes. very much so. but i'll deal with this if i have to.
[x] you believe in online dating: do i believe in it? well, it exists doesnt it?
[x] you want more piercings: i didn't think so, but i looked in the mirror the other day and saw myself with an eyebrow ring...
[x] you do drugs: yes.
[x] you like cleaning: wheni do it i don't really mind it. unless someone's asked me to do it.
[x] you like roller coasters: yeah, i do. but i don't see any in my near future. bad back. :)
[x] you write in cursive or print: print. all caps.
[x] you carry a donor card: no


yes or no:
[x] you keep a diary: yes
[x] you like to cook: sometimes
[x] you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: probably
[x] you talk in your sleep: i hope not
[x] you set your watch a few minutes ahead: two of them
[x] you believe in love: YES! (but believe it's my heart that keeps turning me down)


number...
[x] of times I have had my heart broken?: 3
[x] of hearts I have broken?: 0
[x] of times I have been in love: 1
[x] of continents I have lived in? 1
[x] of people I consider my enemies?: 1
[x] of cd's that I own?: 200ish
[x] of scars on my body?: a few.. don't know the total count
[x] of things in my past that I regret?: 0


who do you want to...
[x] kill: uh... no one
[x] slap: no one
[x] talk to online: adrianna
[x] talk to offline: greg and what the hell.. ruben.

ifigured it out!!!
that seinfeld episode where elaine is all fuzzy brained and can't do shit for thinking because she hasn't had sex in however many days or weeks or whatever...it's so true!! femal functioning ceases to happen when we go without sex! BRILLIANCE!!!!

bwahahahahahahahahaha

and i'm just a waste of her energy
and she's just wastin my time
so why don't we get together
and we could waste everything tonight
and we could waste, and we could waste it all tonight

and i don't pretend to know what you know
so please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
if we already knew everything that everybody knows
we would have nothing to learn tonight
and we would have nothing to show tonight

but everybody thinks that everybody knows
about everybody else
but nobody knows anything about themselves
cuz they're all worried about everybody else here

and love's just a waste of our energy
and this life's just a waste of our time
so why don't we get together
and we could waste everything tonight
and we could waste, we could waste it all...



sorry, coldplay. new jack came out today. and damn, it's good.

so after i typed that i started doing my compulsive 12-times-a-day check of my list o' blogs, and upon catching up with esther, i was directed back over to mary ellen's site. check out the latest update. because words couldn't express just how uplifting i found it.

and yeah...the confusion i was talking about? i didn't mean it to come across in an angsty way at all. i find it all rather entertaining, actually. i love living my life, and dealing with these situations and seeing what the outcomes are, knowing that i have such control over things like this, whether or not i chose to take advantage of that control.

i think i sabotage a lot of opportunities i'm given. especially when it comes to work and love. and i don't quite know why, but it's become very apparent to me that i do it. as much as i, more than many people i know, embrace life's challenges and...well, jump into the mud, and get my hands filthy(please please please forgive me for that one) there are times when for some reason my passion and enthusiasm don't carry over. most recently with this EMP thing...i knew as of last tuesday that they wanted me for an interview. but for some reason i didn't call back, even though when i applied, it was on a total fluke of nature whim and i swore to myself that i'd follow through. why would i not call back? what is that all about?

luckily, i was given a second chance.

as for love....well, i...i don't know. i'm never willing to just completely lose myself. i'm such a fan of the "just go with it and see what happens" mentality. slowly but surely, i'm owning the realization that you can't do that all the time. because the other person just might be the same way, so no one's gonna take it by the reigns and actually see what could come of it, you know? and that scares me. what if i miss out on something amazing? and if i do get too close, what if i start looking for flaws that aren't there? i know i've done that as well. and i've been stupid in worrying that i'll bother people. luckily...in most of the potential relationships i've had, where i've made these mistakes, it's turned out later on that the person wasn't at all who i thought they were, and it was much better off. but, still...

as much as i want a relationship, and as much as i know just how capable i am of sharing my soul with someone, and what a dynamic partnership it will be, the prospect is somewhat frightening to me.

damned coldplay song running through my head.

man, i wish i was tired.

i'm so confused...about...everything.

my living situation, my job situation, my love life, my sex life, this boy, that boy, that other boy, who i am, where i'm going, where i want to be, school registration, picking a minor, boredom, restlessness, love, joy, happiness, exhileration, passion, wanting, needing...


i can totally feel another tour brewing.

i'm really annoyed because i just did a big ol' blog, and it didn't get posted. that's great. did a friday five song thing. then made a huge list of songs that move me. then talked about how productive i've been today and how much i still have to do. oh well. back to being productive.

i left my coldplay haze a bit ago after today's first listen of the cd to get some bjork action. it's working real well for me right now.


since we broke up
i'm using lipstick again
i suck my tongue
in rememberance of you

possibly maybe...

so...who wants to help me prep for a second interview with this place? i'm not terrible at situational customer service questions, but if anyone has any helpful little hints, i'm all ears.

yesterday marked 17 years since my dad's death. i just always feel like that should be mentioned. not to say we make a production out of it anymore...17 years is a really long time, and my mom just kinda mentioned it yesterday at dinner with my brother and i. but it's definitely a life-shaping event. i definitely wouldn't be who i am if it hadn't happened.

i really wish i could find this memoir i wrote as a freshman in college. nominated for some award. i searched for it a while back and couldn't find it, which really bothers me. but it's called "splinters" and it's about that day.

and now, thanks to my favorite sample and yours, i have the video on my hard drive.

well, that's a big lie, because it's still in the process of downloading.

but if you want it, let me know.

the scientist
-coldplay

come up to meet you
tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are
i had to find you
tell you i need you
tell you i set you above
tell me your secrets
ask me your questions
oh, let's go back to the start
running in circles
coming in tails
heads on a science apart

nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
take me back to the start

i was just guessing
at numbers and figures
pulling the puzzles apart
questions of science
science and progress
that must be as loud as my heart
tell me you love me
come back and hold me
i wanna rush to the start
running in circles
chasing tails
coming back as we are

nobody said it was easy
oh, it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one every said it would be so hard

i'm going back to the start



if you haven't seen the video for this song, please please please hunt it down and watch it. it is amazing. incredible. it'll just...blow your mind.

so you think
you can hold the world up by a string
with all that you have
i would hold every part of you
that i could hold

and i'm on
yeah i'm on again
brace yourself
with all that you have
love
i'm in love again
brace yourself

so you feel anything and everything could be
all that you wanted
stay with me
i'm in no condition to be
alone

and i'm on
and i'm on again
brace yourself
with all that you have
love
i'm in love again
brace yourself

on and on
it's open to your false alarm
maybe i'll hold my breath and you'll be gone
with all that you have
with all that you wanted

so you think
that you could hold the world up by a string
with all that you have
i would hold every part of you that i could hold

i'm on again
brace yourself with all that you have
love
i'm in love again
brace yourself

hello, howie phase number 420. starting now.

Midnight - You are a deep thinker, always searching
for answers and never quite at home. You are
very contemplative, and enjoy being alone with
your thoughts.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

last night was bar time with the boys, who i've seen maybe once in the past month or two. good to catch up, though i have to admit i ended up a little on the bored side.

afterwards, we went to bob's to show dave's friend allison the video of century club 1. a few of the boys put together this fucking great movie, complete with soundtrack and little cartoons and voiceovers...it is definitely high quality. i always forget how much i laugh my ass off every single time i watch it. i wish i could show it to the world.

aden drove me home. i can say for sure that i'm not attracted to that boy(though i love him to bursting) but the drive home was such a turn on. i can't even deal. that's something that's never happened before. yum.

lord. "fool to think" acoustic. so good.