i really need to write about the mayer concert and my hopping a table to get in.

but i'm too fucking tired. it's 8:37 pm and i'm really considering going to bed. welcome to my life.

hm. my life lately...

this weekend was quite entertaining. friday night started watching "lost in translation." it was really really quite good. my favorite scene is when they're in bed talking. he's on his back, and she's on her side facing him. before you know it, the tips of her toes are touching his leg. and he non-chalantly puts his hand on her foot and starts drumming some random rhythm. it is SO subtle and so familiar. i loved it. those times when you're in bed talking to someone when there's still that physical distance, but little subtle movements are made so the other person knows you're still there and still responding.

yeah.

then we played two really quick games of busdriver with fourties(OE! hell yeah!) and went to see the midnight showing of The Wall. i'd forgotten just how brilliantly dissturbing that movie is.

but i forgot a very important part. kat and i decided we needed to watch a few episodes of sex and the city season one. jeremy and paul watched as well.

cut to saturday afternoon. jeremy calls to see if i want to come over to pick up cd's(did i mention all of mine were stolen out of my car? yeah that's fun). i ask if he wants to watch some satc with me. he says sure.

so i watched like 2 episodes with him. and then left to come meet greg at my house so we could go to dinner. jeremy informed me that he was probably just gonna keep watching.

called him like 3 hours later...yeah, still watching.

so whatever. we all ended up having a blast saturday night. kristy and jane were out of town, so it was kinda like shellie and i were rebellious children partying while our parents were gone. had some people over and proceeded to just have a fantastic time. didn't go to bed until like 6.

so anyway, we wake up and jeremy and paul leave to go get the seasons 4 and 5 dvd's at jeremy's place. they got back around 1 or so, and we proceeded to watch until we'd finished season 5 at 8:00.

we were all in a sort of panic. we kinda wanted to stay in our little bungalow of pillows and blankets on the floor. but the girls don't have hbo at their house. so we started calling around, seeing who had hbo and who could tape it for us. couldn't find anyone. so jeremy and i hauled ass back to my house to meet paul so that we could watch the last episode together.

see, i was worried i'd have to watch it alone. but no! the boys were totally sold! paul didn't say much about it, but jeremy was quite vocal about how he thinks it's awesome writing; very clever and very honest.

so now...it's back to the work week. i really actually hated my job when i was driving there today. it's not actually all that bad but i seriously with all of my heart despise getting up at 6:15 every morning. i hate getting up early. hate hate hate it.

o.a.r. is next week. that's good. dmb cover band is as well. that's always a good time. and i think megs might possibly fly out for it(how sick and wrong is that) which will be fantastic, cuz i'm in desperate need of a freak fix. i can't believe oakland was only like a month ago. feels like forever.

i have to move out of this house or i might lose it with my mom. i swear to god. i'm too old for this shit.

this is the sign of a sickness(i apparently have several of them these days). i seriously have been having issues all damned day about what the final 2 episodes of SATC would bring. i was really really genuinely worried about the whold big thing. i am so fucking relieved.

so i've got a cold, and i'm sitting around trying to read more harry potter, but i'm incredibly distracted by what's on tv. yes, it's mtv programming, but it's really quite good. it's gideon yago's diary of being in iraq. i would definitely lick that boy if ever given the chance, because he's doing amazing work. it's very eye-opening, honest journalism, and i can only pray that the real world/osbournes crowd are staying tuned in rather than switching to "best week ever" on vh1.

our country has seriously fucked up. makes me sick that people can run away from that.

i love it when someone else's euphoria is palpable from a thousand miles away.

Name: amanda
Nickname: panda, amanada
Birthday: 02.08.80
Birthplace: douglas, az
=Now=
Current mood: babbly
Current music: hmm. i should put some on. how about...ah yes. clarity. by john mayer.
Current taste: diet pepsi(which really tastes good once you've forgotten the taste of full strength.)
Current hair: half back.
Current clothes: black skirt, black button up, weird fleece over it
Current annoyance: scratch in my throat
Current smell: nada
Current thing I ought to be doin: masturbating. wait, no...
Current windows open: 4 IM windows, inBOX, johnmayer.com, windows media player
Current desktop picture: some mushrooms i stole from matias
Current favorite band/singer: i'll say dmb to save face
Current book: harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban
Current cds in the 3-disc: in the car: john mayer. is this getting gross yet?
Current crush: hah. i'm searching!
Current favorite celeb: dave
Current hate: my mom telling me she thinks i shoudl start putting my clothes in the dirty clothes hamper(which i do) so my dog won't steal my socks anymore.


=Do I=
Smoke?: yes. but not regularly.
Do drugs?: does weed count?
Have sex?: sure.
Give oral sex?: yes
Receive oral sex?: yes
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: more so as i get older
Remember your first love?: what a weird question. i remember my first loves of different kinds. does that make sense?
Still love him/her?: i think i still love anyone who's ever touched my life. am i still in love? i just don't know. i don't think so at this point in time.
Read the newspaper?: just articles online that friends send me
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: sure
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: absolutely
Consider love a mistake?: oh hell no
Like the taste of alcohol?: yup
Have a favorite candy?: sour patch kids
Believe in astrology?: first thing i ask someone is their sign
Believe in magic?: yep
Believe in God?: no
Have any pets: mocha :)
Go to or plan to go to college: absolutely. cant wait to finish and then re-start.
Have any piercings?: ears, tongue
Have any tattoos?: i want some NOW!
Hate yourself: no.
Have an obsession?: i am so obsessive it's ridiculous.
Have a secret crush?: hmmmmmmmmm. nope.
Do they know yet?: i hate it when crushes know i'm crushing.
Have a best friend?: for every different occasion. and i meant that in the best possible way
Wish on stars?: i used to. then i stopped. now i've started again, but i make them very realistic wishes.
Care about looks?: to some extent

=Love life=
First crush: troy, who i used to play kiss chase with and who depantsed me in front of nuns.
First kiss: hello, kiss chase. my first spit swap was horrible though. during spin the bottle. traumatic memory
Single or attached?: single
Ever been in love?: yes
Do you believe in love at first sight?: hell yeah
Do you believe in "the one?": yup
Describe your ideal significant other: intelligent, in tune, intriguing, passionate, compassionate, in love with life

=Juicy stuff=

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes
Have you ever been intoxicated?: no.
Favorite place to be kissed?: lips and neck neck neck neck oh lord neck
Have you ever been caught "doing something?: yeah
Are you a tease?: rarely, but it's a side of myself i find highly amusing
Shy to make the first move?: well. i have a good way of manipulating it so that whoever i want makes the first move. it's fun.

=Word association=
Rubber: ducky
Rock:star
Green: eyes
Wet: heh
Cry: me a river(oh)
Peanut:butter
Hay: is for horses
Cold: fingers
Steamy: sex
Fast: hard
Freaky: deaky
Rain: on my head
Bite: me
fuck: you
Blow: me

--APPEARANCE:--
Hair: long and brown. either straight or curly depending on the day and the weather.
Eyes: brown
Height: five nine and some

--LAST THING YOU:--
Bought: origins ginger perfume! YEAH! FINALLY!
Ate & Drank: low carb pasta, diet pepsi
Read: my last entry
Watched on tv: the news

--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: houseparty
beer or cider: neither now
drinks or shots: god i love shots
cats or dogs: DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS
single or taken: i like taken. but i can definitely deal with single
pen or pencil: pen.
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: pepsi
this or that: this

--WHO DO YOU WANT TO:--
kill: no one
get really wasted with: the girls
look like: oh. interesting question. hmmm. maybe angelina jolie? i think kate hudson's beautiful, but her beauty is just not at all me.
be like: mike
avoid: anyone who gives me bad vibes.

--LAST PERSON YOU--
talked to: matthew
hugged: jeremy
instant messaged: lenelle
kissed:jeremy? aden maybe? matt maybe? i can't remember. saturday night was strange.

--WHERE DO YOU--
eat: dinner table
cry: bathroom or bedroom or car
wish you were: seattle(shocking, eh?)

--HAVE YOU EVER...--
Dated one of your best friends? not technically
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yes
Drank alcohol? yep
Done drugs? yes
Broken the law? oh yeah
Run away from home? no
Broken a bone? collar bone, ankle
Played Truth Or Dare? yes
Kissed someone you didn't know? not that i can remember
Been in a fight?nope
Come close to dying? i thought i might die after that back surgery :)

--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD (s) in your collection?: i ain't embarrased! i've got a TON though.
Your bedroom like?: so me. it's crazy.
Your favorite thing for breakfast?breakfast. blah.
Your favorite restaurant?: bazil's and la parilla suiza

--RANDOM QUESTIONS--

What's on your bedside table?: lamp, beanie baby, pictures, alarm clock, chapstick, glass of water
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: i haven't done that in seriously eons.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: terms of endearment. the part where aurora comes back to the hotel and the astronaut's there, and she just GOES to him and kinda tries to play tough and then collapses into him. DAMN that gets me every time.
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: i fucking hate that shit. seriously. don't get me started.
What is your biggest fear?: fuck that
What feature are you most insecure about?: i guess my body, but i don't feel that it actually effects me that much.
Do you ever have to beg?: if i feel the need to beg, i will. no shame. i like getting my way and i know who gives in easily
Are you a pyromaniac?: semi
Do you have too many love interests?: every once in a while. but for the most part, one is enough.
Crushes? you can never have too many crushes.
Do you know anyone famous?: i've met them, sure. i don't KNOW them though
Describe your bed: full queen sized, kick ass blue and pink tapestry. i know, whoda thunk blue and pink? but trust me, it rules.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous
Do you know how to play poker?: CRAZY poker. hah. haha.
What do you carry with you at all times?: cellphone, id, debit card, chapstick
How do you drive?: i'm a kick ass drive. don't let any anal retentive boys tell you otherwise
What do you miss most about being little?: playing barbies
Are you happy with your given name?: yeah.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: hmmm. 2 million?
What color is your bedroom?: white
What was the last song you were listening to?: don't wanna answer.
Have you ever been in a play?: oh god. cinderella the musical, oliver!, anything goes, grease, fiddler on the roof, music man...
Who are your best friends?: jane, kristy, shellie, greg, mel, lisa, lenelle, jen, matias, bill, bri, bobbo, scotty, megs, aden, colin, don, rach, the list goes on and on and on...
Do you talk a lot?: oh, i can
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: absolutely. i rule. ;)
Do you think you're cute?: i can be
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? occasionally
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: i hate that word
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: friends
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: think "OH MY GOD! IT'S CONTAGIOUS!"

so...my birthday...

was celebrated saturday night. it was meant to be a casual gathering of friends. of course, though, you put all the people i know and love in this city together and it turns into a love extravagaanza. weird word. anyway. i made some killer jugga, in order to represent Those Who Are Not Present. but i decided i needed to use raspberry vodka, remembering how difficult it was last year to get the stuff sweet enough. you should've seen this batch though. it was massive. and SO tasty. very very very very very effective.

to top that off, the girls got me perhaps the tastiest buds i've seen in a long ass time...probably since my little west coast run in august.

it's really all a blur of music(i made more mix cd's) and dancing and laughing and hugging. there was of course the obligatory "crazy game of poker"huddle. happened last year too. about 10 of us standing with our arms around eachother and singing and dancing for the duration of the song. fantastic. tehre was a great "tiny dancer" sing a long. i do remember dancing around to "lizards" with jeremy. kristy and i kept sneaking into her bathroom to smoke the weed and dragging a selected victim with us each time, who got the privledge of two girls shotgunning smoke into his mouth. nicky stepped on my toe and it is STILL black. jeremy and i tried very hard to build a tent at about 6 in the morning in the living room. moved furniture and everything. but we ended up just laying down on top of it.

the actual day of my birthday...ruled. we all layed in jane's bed, while shellie fed us all weed, and we listened to music and just...vegged(probably because of some muscle relaxants all 7 of us took). we ordered pizza(i cheated ALL weekend and didn't gain a damned pound. rock on). me and jeremy watched willow while the others went to lunch with a friend and shellie went to play catch. i haven't seen that movie in forever and it fucking rules. but i couldn't help but draw comparisons to lord of the rings... we watched signs(i slept through most of it.).

whatever the case, it was a kick ass birthday. but then i think back and...when are they not?

i probably had something else to say, but alas, that partying has left this old 24 year old with the makings of a cold. so i think i'm gonna go read more harry potter and go to sleep.

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

such a good birthday. the party was fantastic and beautiful. staying in bed with people i love until 1 and then watching movies all day was bliss.

so many dead braincells rioting in my head right now.

such a good time, though. really. and such a good present tonight. i'm freaking out.

and such a need for someone to cuddle with.

feeling emotional.

must sleep.

a few more things about superbowl sunday.

first of all, i decided since it was a day devoted to something i hate, my friends had to watch my favorite thing with me before we went to the party: mtv's "open wide." it was fucking great. we got stoned and jane and shellie watched very attentively, laughing and rewinding parts they needed to see again. funniest part came with the part where dave's talking about "somehow...with the bricks that i gave him..." shellie yelled "a boat with bricks" literally 3 seconds before dave said the exact same thing.

it amused me.

see, actually, it might be a slightly different quote. but i can't focus, you see, because i have that damned mayer song on. yes, i gave in and bought the cd today. i left work to go buy it. i needed it that badly. ri.di.cu.lous.

oh, and i bought maroon 5 too which i've been wanting for.ev.er. i'm all about disjointed words today. but anyway, THEN i realized they're opening for him when he's here. yeah.

(i will wait to find if this will last forever)

so the other superbowl thing. kristy comes out and asks me and shellie to follow her into a small room in the house. i enter and catch just the faintest glimpse of a scaly thing around a man's neck. a BIG fucking scaly thing. i promptly turned around and RAN.

it was the biggest snake ever. i'm pretty sure. so i tried to avoid it. but alas, i was standing in a corner talking to kristy's boy(lord, that's another story) and the guy with the snake walks in, CORNERING ME. i couldn't escape. i was forced to face my fear. it was pretty amusing...me standing there trying not to flip out. yeah. what a rush.

ok.
hyperness go away.

ok. i remembered the third thing.

i am ridiculously obsessed with "clarity." that's right, folks. that'd be a john mayer tune. and i absolutely hate myself for it. seriously. it's just ridiculous. it's one of those songs that haunts me, though. came on tonight while i was doing nothing at work and i was yelling at the radio. and then my coworker started talking and i started yelling at her to be quiet.

WHY does he have to get me like this?

and i want to go to the damned concert at the end of the month. i'll admit it. i want it bad enough for it to be entering my dreams. but it's in an arena! and i only wanna go if i'm front row!

fucker.

i hate him so much.

damn. i thought i had issues with howie. SO much worse with the mayer boy.

despite the mess it caused last year, jugga will be making a return visit to my birthday festivities this year. i found two of the huge pixie sticks in my room when i was moving and decided it was a sign. freaks gotta be represented somehow.

jeremy just left a message during which he said "listen to what i just learned" and proceeded to play LIOG on the guitar. it made me smile.

shit. what was the third thing i wanted to say?

hm.
i don't know.

but i do know that i get to help fire someone bright and early tomorrow morning. yipee. what a way to start the day.

i went to a kick ass superbowl party yesterday. now, keep in mind i have absolutely zero interest in football. i hate it. it is probably the worst excuse for entertainment i've ever seen. but that's ok, because superbowl parties are fun. or is it super bowl? eh, i don't care.

it was a total hippie party. so many people and more food than i've ever seen. i mean, these people just brought ANYTHING you could possibly imagine and were cooking all night. there was shrimp and mushroom quiches and lemon ladyfinger tortes and...well, it's impossible to ever convey just how much food was there. but lemme say there was oil in the kitchen and things were getting fried. there were barbeques going. there was a looge(i have no clue how to spell it) - a fucking massive hunk of ice set up that you shoot alcohol down for people to drink. there were a few kegs and more weed being passed around than i even knew what to do with. it was just super. bowl. super bowls. everywhere. heh. i'm funny.

anyway. i love the hippie crowd. so much to talk about, so much love. so many dogs. i swear, everyone brought their dog. there must've been 10 of them. including one huge wolf dog. sweetest face i've ever seen...with yellow eyes.

such a dog person.

i was home and in bed by 10:30, after i watched sex and the city of course. i have no fucking clue how they're going to tie up that show in 3 episodes. where's my big? he has to die or something. that's the only way it can end well. obviously, they can't end up together because it'd be too cliche and too many people would hate it. but they can't NOT end up together. so he has to die. that's the only thing that can viably happen.

my birthday is this weekend. and we were gonna try to avoid jugga, as it made a HUGE mess last year and was massively expensive. but then, in the course of moving, i discovered a few massive pixie sticks that janie bought me a while ago. and i realized we have to have jugga. because it's gonna be atradition. and that's how the freakies are represented on my birthday.

so jugga it is.

i'm quite looking forward to this little gathering. yes, we're calling it a "gathering" because we don't want a party. it's invite only, if you will. granted, i know entirely too many people so it'll be big no matter what. but i love it when all the people i love in this city converge. it's very rare(actually...i think it only ever happens on my birthday or when i'm moving - and give them advance notice). so it should be fun.

i'm soon to be mid-twenties. that seems weirder to me than any birthday i've had thus far.

24. shouldn't i be married or something?

hah. just jokin'.