1 MINUTE AGO: listening to an audio blog from 2 years ago before i went to a dave matthews cover band show. which is actually significant. trust me.

1 DAY AGO: drinking wine, receiving the new jack cd through IM

1 WEEK AGO: nothing of interest.

1 YEAR AGO: i was high on life, sex drive in full gear, getting ready to move

I HURT: my ass

I LOVE: dave matthews band and all the people it throws at me

I HATE: ignorance

I FEAR: spiders
I HOPE: i get to go to school in the fall

I FEEL: stagnant

I LISTEN: to dmb 12.29.92 lie in our graves

I HIDE: the amount that i love him

I DRIVE: ha! rarely! i still don't have a car and i love the bus!

I PLAY: an orange plastic recorder. i wonder where that thing is...

I MISS: the dmb kids. still.

I LEARNED: it's hard to tell the difference between true love and difficulty letting go

I KNOW: i love the rain

I WAIT: to win the lottery. for tour dates. for sex. for jeremy to get here - SOON!

I NEED: sex

Current Clothes: jeans and shellie's usd hooded sweatshirt that i love and am never giving back

Current Mood: really good but a bit headachey

Current Music: dmb!

Current Taste: bad wine

Current Hair: just took it out of pigtail braids, so it's a bit crimpy

Current Annoyance: chapped lips

Current Smell: garlic

Current thing I should be Doing: fixing my resume

Current Desktop Picture: dave matthews

Current Favorite bands/singers: the usual. dmb. modest mouse. radiohead. the beatles...

Current Movie In VCR: i watched the motercycle diaries today. FANTASTIC!

Current Refreshment:vino

Current Worry: money . money money money.

Current Crush: i've got one. or two or twelve.

i am so overwhelmed right now with happiness at the thought of tour. and tours past. and this dmb life which i am sooooo incredibly disassociated with at this point in time. it is such a hilight and such a bright point in my life and i'm more than ready for that next chapter.

i was thinking...i haven't been to a show with the likes of jen, matias, bill or bri since gorge 2003! that's fucking ridiculous. by the time gorge comes around this year it'll be 2 years. and that's not ok.

i loose touch with that feeling...and that's not ok either. now, i definitely am in no financial space to even do gorge this year. but fuck it. fuck it fuck it fuck it. i'll figure it out.

alright.

well, i'm so out of the loop that i had no idea that jack had a new cd coming out this tuesday. or that said cd has apparently leaked. and i just got a copy of said leaked cd sent to me, and i'm listening and it is exactly what i needed.

you see, i'm bored. i mean...there's a lot of good going on in life. but...i haven't stayed put for this long in a while. i'm broke so my social options are limited. i have guys in my life, but nothing of substance. i'm just bored with life. and i'm reading a lot, which is good, but i'm reading "the best democracy money can buy" right now and it's difficult not to let it make me bitter and all together freaked out.

in any case.

can't you see can't you see
rain all day and i don't mind

spring is so in the air and sometimes it makes me tear up because being able to sense everything coming alive is just so amazing. most of the time it makes me wanna have lots and lots of sex. in the grass. by the lake. but preferably not in public. things are blossoming. and yes it's an early, confusing spring. but i love this season shit. i love feeling summer sucking at my cooped up toes.

i love jack and i love bill for sending this to me :)

our valentine's day flowers. they STILL haven't wilted! 

what a healthy fridge! we've got salad and hummus and eggs and hard boiled eggs and my special salad dressing and deli meet and cheese and soy milk and my bean concoction and diet pepsi... 

fun hair!  

so anyway, I’ve had quite the good day. I’m in a great mood. I got up and read emails about the destruction of the world, but whatever. then I cleaned the kitchen. I reorganized cupboards as well. see, we have cups in one cupboard and then glasses in another one a few spaces down. I decided they all needed to go in the same one. this left me with one empty cupboard and I’m not real sure what to do with it. I guess it’s made for more junk.

I washed some dishes, I straightened the living room. I swept. I even swept out the entry way and staircase which has never been done. so many dried up holy berries, which I know my landlord freaked out about when he came over here. so much so, actually, that he had someone come out 2 days later to take the poor holy tree out. that’s ok though because they’re not a native tree and they fuck up the local environment. oh, and their leaves are prickly and hurt when sliced across your neck.

so THEN I went to make this navy bean...thing. that I had at party once. but I realized I’d bought gross ass navy beans with bacon in them. this was revealed when I opened the can and found a whitish jelly like substance at the top instead of clear liquid. gross. so I had to use garbanzos instead. in any case, it’s the beans, fresh parsley, lotsa garlic, scallions, lemon and a little olive oil. I think I was supposed to put purple onion and white wine in there as well but I have neither. in any case, I ate it with some baby spinach and it was fantastic. let’s hear it for day three of no carbs again! though, I guess beans are carbs. but they’re good carbs! yay!

so then it was time to take a walk. got my headphones blarin’ some o.a.r. and I was out the door. and it is fucking gEEEE-OOOOOOORG-E-OUS outside. high 50's and so sunny and beautiful. of course it’s been sunny for 2 fucking weeks now and I’m a little annoyed with that, but I’m willing to be forced to enjoy what’s been given to me.

the lake was lovely. the weather is just perfect. there were so many people out. and so many beautiful boys as well. running. listening to music.

so then I came back home and took a shower during which I sang along to o.a.r. at the top of my lungs. my hair is in nifty french braids since we were extremely bored at work last night s I didn’t have to wash it and that was nice.

now I’m writing, and soon I’ll be reading. good day, good day.

--

just got a call from my mom...my brother isn’t doing so well again. he could barely talk when she went over there this morning, so she took him to the doctor. he hasn’t slept or taken his meds in 3 days. tried to check himself into the office by saying he was stone phillips. my mom reminded him of his real name and he said “oh yeah.” the doctor then came out of the office and told my mom in the middle of the waiting room that she really needed to keep up on these things and make sure he’s doing what he needs to be.

that sucks. that really really really just sucks. especially because she IS always more than intervening in his life to make sure he’s taking his medication and doing this and doing that. she’s made so many sacrifices and done so much for him and it’s so frusterating as it is, and then to have a doctor who doesn’t know anything come out and say that...was just really upsetting to her. daniel’s case manager was there as well, and my mom’s like “where’s the help?” he meets with his case worker MAYBE once every few months and he switches doctors so often I don’t know how any of them can treat him because with mental illness, you need to know the patient.

gah.

i haven't written enough lately and i'm sorry this entry is going to be a contribution, but i promise to write more later to offset it.

i fucking hate our government. no, i really do. i'm so frusterated that my money goes to support this bullshit and that i know people who are so logical and sensible who just don't give a fuck about it because they feel so powerless. i woke up this morning and checked my email. among the hilites:

-the list of 154 programs that bush wants to axe or reduce in his 2006 budget.
-more bullshit jargon towards iran and syria
-info on jafari, the man who is poised to take the seat as iraq's prime minister
-the new u.n. report whic places afghanistan at 173 out of 178 countries surveyed. and the fact that all but 3 news "corporations" have removed reporters from the country.
-the fact that rumsfeld sent out a memo jan31 requesting that money for officer training is cut during "stress times." what the FUCK is that and how does he still have a job? partially because you're not paying attention, i promise. :)
-the religious right is now up in arms about SHREK. the green ogre. because there is apparently a cross gendered theme there that KIDS DEFIINTELY CATCH ON TO. puh. lease


that is about 20 minutes worth of reading for ya. who knows what i'll come across the rest of the day. i am so lucky because it is beautiful outside and i can go walk around the lake listening to music and i'll probably spend some time writing and cooking and cleaning and being footloose and fancy free. and even better- all of those things are free or at least have products already purchased. so i'm not brooding. but for the love of fuck, i know that there is a small population even paying attention at all, but it's getting to the point where there is SO MUCH BAD that it really needs to be spread among the population. come on now. choose one area you care about(the EPA is on the termination list, folks. who needs that environment thing, anyway?), join a mailing list, just do something, please? you'll still be able to function when you realize how fucked our country is, i promise. it's like survival instinct.

www.moveon.org allows you to join and then they send you spiffy little emails with what's going on and DIRECT links to your congressmen and what not.

www.truemajority.org is good as well.

or you could go to http://www.americanprogressaction.org/site/pp.asp?c=klLWJcP7H&b=83210 and sign up for their daily. it's incredibly well written and has tons of info and is geared somehow towards our add generation.

the end.

for now.

what a concoction! one batch of jugga, some cherry rum, a bottle of tequila(the margarita mix never even got opened), some wine, lots of beer, and plenty o' green, good people and great whiffle ball made for a very happy birthday party.  

yes, those are glow in the dark penis straws :) 

these girls rule. 

yay for jugga making! 

I do love birthday week. so far it’s included drunken pool, uncontrolable braindead laughter, a brewery tour, a lot of sex and the city, listening to all of my favorite cd’s, pho, jazz concerts, one sweet whirrled, really good pizza, and the party is still to come! and I think it shall be a good one, especially as I’m making jugga for the 3rd year in a row. I like traditions. :)

I’m going to get started on my day of doing nothing now.