i can't believe they're killing off dr. green.

today really hasn't been that good.

i woke up wanting to cry, and it took several hours for that feeling to lift. this job search is really getting to me. the fact that i've sent out probably 15 resumes, faxed 8, emailed countless companies about their open positions. i've gone in and applied at 10 different places, sent in a few applications i got through the mail. and it's just frustrating as hell to know that i DO have the qualifications for most of these places, but can't get a response. and i need money SOON. the interview i did yesterday went well, but i don't want to work in a place with unfriendly employees that is run like a frickin concentration camp.

and i need something to DO for the love of god! i mean, i'm good at coming up with busy work, but uh...that's always been to supplement a full time school schedule. i've never actually had NOTHING to do before.

i use CAPS a lot.

but i did get some good news. don called to tell me that there are people moving into my old apartment today. this means that i'm not only spared paying the rent for march(that's $510 i can hold on to!!!!!!!!!!!), but i get my security deposit back. that's $125. this is a total weight off of my shoulders and gives me a little flexibility, which is quite nice. i can pay off these tickets i've just charged. nice how that works out.

now, the apartment complex hasn't notified me of this, which is kind of annoying. i already sent them the rent for march, so i gotta call and cancel that check. i really wanna see if they're going to try and take that money o' mine. there is nothing i'd like more than to call and tell the fuckfaces off after the bullshit they pulled when i was trying to apply to this place.

oh.
and i'm also annoyed at the fact that i have to find a new ISP. my year of free service with MSN is up, and i sure as hell am not continuing with them. their service blows george dubya's cock hardcore. i actually looked at some dsl/cable thingies to see if any of them have specials, but i don't think i can do it. earthlink is the only one with an offer that would suit me well and i can't get it here.

i want more free service, dammit!

it's been a year since cincy. i can actually say i've known all those people for a year. how nice that we're past the "shit. i've only known you for 3 months?" phase.

yup. love howie.

i totally ripped these questions off of another site. just, you know, so we're clear on that.


do you identify with our society's common gender stereotypes? do you think there is a difference between sex and gender? do you have any thoughts about what makes a man a man, and a woman a woman? do you think it's strictly biological, or is there something in our "souls" (for lack of a better word) that sexes us?
there are definitely idiocyncracies that make me identify with "common gender stereotypes." but i try and take the things that i hate that are stereotypical of my gender and work with them and learn from them so that i don't annoy myself. something in our souls definitely sexes us, i just have no clue how you account for the gay revolution that defies each of those rules.
oh, and there is definitely a difference between sex and gender.


tell me about yourself.
i'm a freak. in so many senses of the word. yet, i have a strong grasp on reality whether i chose to ignore it or not. i don't fear giving in to many of my compulsions. i'm obsessive. it takes me a lot to love something, but when i do, i do it fiercely. i'm a total contradiction, i'm perhaps overly tolerant, and i'm aware of each of my insecurities - i just don't feel the need to advertise them in any way, shape or form.


do you have hopes and dreams? goals? are you doing what you want to be doing with your life? do you even know what you want?
this is a tough question for me. i don't dream of being a rock star or a CEO or really anything that specific. i live my life constantly striving to make it the best i can. i know that certain conventional wants have no place in my life. my goal is to be happy. and i know that i will attain this in a very different way than most of the people that i know. do i know what i want? not really. but it'll come to me in good time. i think that most of all, i just want to live life.


do you have piercings? tattoos? why or why not?
nope. first off, i'm a wuss. i hate needles. i'd love to get my tongue pierced but that would mean no smoking AND it's the price of one dmb ticket. just can't have that. i HAVE seriously considered getting a tatoo. but if i did, i'd want it on the top of my foot and i've been told that's the most painful place to get one.

do you like to read? what do you like to read? when? why?
i do! it comes in phases though. right now i'm in a total reading phase. i'll read 20 books in 3 weeks, and then not read a single thing for months and months. it all depends.

do you write? what do you write? do you keep a journal? why or why not?
i definitely don't write as much as i used to. used to be the full deal - journal, stories, poems, little intellectual shindigs... i really don't do that any more. it always seems forced, and whenever i do want to write it's not convenient. i do keep a journal which is good at times. my blog...is lacking. there's nothing personal in it. used to have a serious online journal, but i lost the desire to keep up with maintaining an entire website. or sharing that much of myself with the general public for that matter. if you wanna know THAT much about me, you're just gonna have to get to know me.


what inspires you?
music. laughter. landscapes. deep sorrow. utter despair. relationships. pretty much everything - "just look for love in it."



what does it mean to be a woman? what does it mean to be a man? who can use these words to define themselves? in the same vein, what does it mean to be a feminist? who is allowed to call themself a feminist? why?
i have no clue. i mean, i could totally get into this discussion, i just don't care enough about it. feminists annoy me. modern day feminists have for the most part lost the meaning of the movement - equality for ALL people, not more power for women. i feel the same way about feminism as i do any racial movements. i don't see the need to focus on gender or race, just what's inside of a person that makes them them. and i realize that not everyone can do that and that race and gender ARE major deals to people... i just can't help but think that if i can see the world this way, so can everyone else.

do you have a set of politics/ethics/morals? do you tailor your life to fit these things, or do you tailor these things to fit your life?
oh hell yes. i live my life by a very definite set of ethics and morals. i believe that my political views follow these morals. they're not strict, and they're always prone to changing, but a few things are certain. i do not judge people. i like to decide for myself. i won't shout condemnations, even if i can't stand someone because those things aren't for me to decide. the only thing i can do is stay away from people who i don't agree with and try to shape my reality so that it is composed of things that will help me to learn the lessons i need to. i believe very strongly in karma, and i think that in itself governs pretty much everything i do.
i vent my feelings through the music i listen to, be them negative or positive.



why are we here? what is existence?
ah. i'm not a philosophy major. just sociology. i don't know what existence is, i just know that it IS.


do you get annoyed?
oh yeah.



do you have anything to say? say anything!
you have no where to run, but you have some place to be...dance with me...you think you're so fucking sweet...



ask me a question, if you want an answer.
so, what do you think?

you're too far gone to save your love...

the more you are
the more you need
the more you'll understand

the more you love
the more you feel
the more you'll understand...

so make it right

is there nothing left to say?

yeah, i'm in a "soulmate thinkin'" type mood at the moment.

i'm at this point in my life where i am honestly content to be alone. i mean - i get lonely, but it's just for companionship period(i don't mean that to be as angsty as it came across.). my point is that i know i can't just settle for someone. i'm too happy being "alone." i've been this way so long that i know that i could never be in a relationship that was less than perfect. and maybe that's naive of me, but i can't see myself dealing with ANY shit at all. i don't see how it would be worth it.

there's so much to be done in the meantime. as far as "personal growth" and whatnot goes. thuroughly enjoying life is my goal. and i think i do a pretty damned good job of it. and i know that just doing that will make whatever lies ahead in my life that much more rich and rewarding.

heh.
cheesy as it sounds, i really mean all that.

GOD, i love howie.

you ask me to enter
and then you make me crawl
but i can't keep holding on to what you got
when all you got is hurt

i'm wondering why you had to tell me
what's going on in your head
what's wrong?
you'll come around to another time when you
don't have to run
and when she says she wants somebody else
i hope you know
that she doesn't mean you
and when she breaks down and makes her sound
you'll never hear her
the way that i do
and when she says she wants someone to love
i hope you know
that she doesn't mean you
and when she breaks down and she lets you down
i hope you know
that she doesn't mean you

have you ever found that someone who you absolutley could not stand to be away from? who made you feel like a complete person? who amazed you each and every day with the simplest parts of their personality? and who made you crazy just to learn how it is they've come to be who they are?

yeah, me too.

and i really can't wait to have someone like that in my life again, because he just ain't there at this point in time.

so. like...i really like this alicia keys song.

but. like...it's really the ONLY song of hers i can stand.

therefore, i am of the opinion that she should just go away. so should linkin park for that matter.

yes, world. if amanda had it her way, everyone would be banished but dmb, howie, mayer, jack johnson, OAR...

that's so not true. i love a lot of music. but the gramy's always serve to aggravate me. i mean...christina aguilera? good god, can you say whore? get control of yourself girl! i can even deal with pink, but christina's gotta go.

i think the main thing that bothers me is that everything that becomes popular is just so fucking overplayed. i dig that train song, but i can't listen to it anymore. linkin park was ok the first 5 times i heard it, but the next 5 million just made me realize how unoriginal it is and how little i can relate to it. i can deal with britney, i just can't deal with hearing her damned voice on every commercial and special and radio station i turn to. there's so much good music out there! i KNOW we can get a little variety, people!

good to know that by "we'll set up and interview for you tomorrow at 9am," they really meant "day AFTER tomorrow at 9am."

hehe.

en vogue is playing at the emerald diamond casino on march 9th. that cracks me up.

i'm really diggin this season of real world/road rules allstars. you know...i'm diggin this season of real world for that matter, too.

real world new york just blew. i didnt' even really watch most of it. it was like a miami repeat where it was just of highly annoying whiny brats who deserve to...

well, that's not for me to judge.

but anyway. this season's rw/rr allstars cast kicks a lot of ass. lindsey and kelly are my two favorites, ,and i like seeing them interact. and josh. and...shit...chris? and i can't believe that chadwick and whatshernuts are married. good lawd. i'm so damned glad chadwick got voted off because they were really getting on my nerves. and i can't say i'd be too dissapointed to see whatshernuts have a nervous breakdown because she can't deal with the fact that the only person who really likes her is off the show.

in other news...kim's coming in two weeks. i cannot fucking wait. i kinda wish chris wasn't coming with her, but what can ya do? hopefully he'll spend lots of time with his pregnant sister or something. because...well, let's face it. the boy gets on my nerves. that, and he hates all the music i'm gonna want to listen to or go see, and kim is just way more fun when he's not around.

and i'm not really looking forward to the two of them screwing on my floor, but i guess you can't get around those things sometimes.

god, i need sex. badly. i'll admit it freely. there's no booty-callin' to be done in a city where you know no one. there's no friends with benefits behavior. fuck - there's not much touching PERIOD. no hugs, no flirting.

heh.
but i! i will survive!!!

i'm very proud of myself for going out on my own this weekend. i think that's one of the hugest benefits of the whole dmb community - i can move wherever the hell i want, and be able to find people who will want to go to concerts or hang or whatever, and KNOW that they're cool right off the bat.

would someone please start documenting this community soon, please? it's like nothing else...

and it makes me happy.

attention all lighter theifs: i have officially regained posession of THE hot pink lighter. no clue how it happened, but i checked my pockets this morning and it was there.

word.

washington has the most incredible skies.

it's amazing to see how you can be in one spot where it is clear and sunny, and then drive a mile and have a complete weather change. or, if you just stand still, it changes right above you in a matter of seconds. absolutley beautiful.


the only two things i've really noticed that arizona has on washington are the sunsets and the "rain smell." the smell after it rains in AZ is by far one of my favorites. and it's something most people don't get to experience because it's caused by a particular bush that grows in the desert(creosote.)

then there's the sunsets. the only place i've ever been that rivals arizona sunsets is hawaii. and that's because of a combination of the volcanos and the ocean.

ok. so. no clue why the archives now contain the link to one random week in april. that's cool, yo.

and looking back, it is safe to say one thing: my posts used to have a little more substance!

so much sadness going around tonight.

my aunt said to me recently that she thought it should be illegal for families to live so far apart from eachother(my aunts and uncles and grandparents are in st. louis, albuquerque, oklahoma and atlanta) so that they could help eachother out with stuff like my brother's illness.

i think i agree. but when i refer to family, i really mean friends.

oh, man. i'm so fucking stressed out right now.

i've totally set myself up for this stress. but still. can't sleep, can't eat. it's fun! but you won't hear me complain...

note: you won't HEAR me complain. i'll write whatever the hell i want here, as it IS my blog.

it is so amazing what this damn band does to people. seriously. the reactions to tour dates are priceless. painful for some, pure torment for others...it's great drama. and it's so strange to realize the huge population that is effected in the exact same way.

we need a support group.

or scholarship funds. one or the other.

bad news first.

both kim and nate have ditched out of shoreline/sacramento. bummer, huh? and kim can't do portland or vancouver either. poor girl has had her world come down around her in the past two weeks. hardcore.

but!
she's gonna come to creekie. which i think will serve her quite well!!

that's part one of the good news. part two is that jack is going to the gorge. i'm so psyched about this, i can't even tell you. and of course, he might back out, there's always that option. but i really don't think he will. he needs to do it, and he knows it. and i can't wait to be with him at a dmb concert at the gorge. what a perfect combination. :)

no job yet.

fuckin a.

i went to a meeting for SUFK tonight. not sure how it's gonna work out, but i've got some really good ideas in my head about starting a branch in tacoma. and if i can find the support for it, it should prove to be quite the endeavor.

mmhmmm. i had a whole bunch of things to say, but then i sat down at the computer, and...

poof! gone! i started listening to a show, and anything unrelated is burried 50 feet into my subconcious. good job, manda.

i just got an email from colin's little sister. she's living in eugene, and is really into mayer and jack johnson and all the kind of shit that she's heard about through word of mouth, and downloading it off the internet. for christmas i burned some shows for her(there is no better person to give this stuff to than someone who you know will love it) - i think something mayer, something howie and the only thing jack that i had.

anyway. she was just talking about going to jack johnson and mason jennings in portland and how she loved them both("i went last weekend and saw jack johnson and mason jennings in portland, holy cow i was like two freakin feet away. had no idea that jack was that hot")...

it's funny to read her writing about the thrill of being so close, and being in these small venues...

i don't know. i just love hearing her perspective. it makes me smile.


and you know...that leads me to something else...

why the hell didn't i go to that damned show??!!!!!!!
i could kick myself in the ass for that one. the one in seattle was sold out, and i was too tired from being in pull man that i didn't even attempt to deal with it. and the portland show was on my birthday...why the hell didn't i go?!

stupid. lol...

makes it really hard to say no to anything when you honestly know you will miss something if you do. you know?

ugh. i am so "DMB-positive" right now.

you know...i was gonna get high speed internet when i moved. but then i decided against it because, let's face it kids, i have no incoming income.

but then today i was looking at some specials, and kinda decided to go ahead with it.

but no! i just checked the mail and there is a special for a workout-y type place. so i think i'm gonna put the money there instead.

because I AM GOING STIR CRAZY. can't stand sitting around this much. last week i covered sending out resumes to office jobs, and applying at big places like borders and bath and body works. today i did an online ap for best buy, and i apparently met their standards or something, so i should be getting a call next week. hopefully they don't drug test. wheni went to open my bank account, i was highly encouraged to apply there. but they said i needed to get online and find the position number for the app...but of course i can't find that. so i gotta call on monday(tuesday...fucking presidents day) to get that one squared away. my next step will be to hit really small stores next week. independent music and book stores, because everyone is telling me it'll be easier to get jobs there, especially considering the bad shape that the economy is in in this state.

i just found out that school starts a week later than i thought it did, which is really nice. that means i don't have to be back in AZ til august 25 at the latest, which gives me much hope for the gorge.

it also gives me hope for volunteering for the seattle hemp fest. i would be SO down with that. especially if my planned parenthood thing doesn't work out.

i'm still doing the standupforkids thing...as far as i know. the meeting is tuesday night, so we'll see how it goes.

now it's back to watching quality lifetime entertainment.

i was just reading through a post on some message board...and this person was talking about how they had been hoping that the next leg of the tour was the european leg, so that they could save their money up for the third leg with dates closer to them. otherwise they'd have to get a new credit card.

cracks me up.

ok. so colin told me that the season finale of temptation island was killer. complete with blood and gore and screaming and yelling.

HE FUCKING LIED!!!!

it was the saaaaaaaaaame old thing! i don't watch these shows except for maybe once or twice a season. i put off my quality girlie movie viewing time so i could watch the suposed killer finale.

he's goin doooooooooooown.

so much to say...

you know, i'm very alone here! and i really need a job!

yes, the whole homesick factor might start kicking in soon. won't that be fun?! heh. but of course, i'll rise above... maybe i'll write more once temptation island is over. aaaaw yeah.

*Take This Test!*

uuuuuuuuummmm.

hm.

yeah, i'm obsessed.

what is with the stupid as hell videos after the real world? for the love of god, people!

oh yeah again.

my apartment is so cute.

oh yeah.

and in a phone conversation with leslie today, i figured out just what it is i want to do with the rest of my life.

and i'm not telling. :)

so, the final results are in...

4/4 - sec 1, row G seats 2&3
4/5 - FLN1, row 9 seats 5&6
5/18 - lawn
5/19 - sec 202, row S
5/21 - sec 2, row 9 seats 9&10
5/23 - row 4, seats 26&27
5/24 - row 2, seats 30&31

with all the shit going on with the warehouse right now...hell, even without all that shit, i really just can't complain at all.

aah, tour...

bring it!!!!!

ticket brokers my ass. these people, er...i'm sorry..."companies..." are getting out of control. OUT OF CONTROL, i tell you! OOC OOC OOC!!!!! i can't believe it's legal...

job searching is just not all that fun.

i was browsing through thedreamingtree.com, when i came across this article. it cracked me the hell up. possibly more than it should have, but whatever.

The Onion Headline: Study of DMBheads Reveals... written by Unknown

Scientists from around the world gathered today in Reykjavic Iceland at the conference for Brain Research And Studies (BRAS) to hear the results of a long-term experiment to determine if the brains of hardcore Dave Matthews Band fans are in fact different from those of other human beings.

Dr. IfIhadanitch Idscratchit (formerly of the Ukraine, now a citizen Charlottesville, VA USA) presented his paper to approximately 2000 neuroscientists and neurologists who collectively *gasped* in astonishment at the findings. Dr. Idscratchit followed 30 DMBheads from
the moment their obsessions began.

Certain criteria were used to establish that the participants were in fact "DMBheads" and not "CRASHheads"- the difference is not obvious to outsiders. CRASHheads were weeded out of the potential pool of applicants for study by a series of questions of which they had to answer all correctly to be determined a DMBhead. Some of the questions were..."Glen Ballard---Saviour or Satan?", "Boyd's
nipples in LS--Point Up or Down?", "Roi's animal equivalent---mole or badger?", "Stefan collects--iguanas or beanie babies?", "Do it
for--Fenton or Fonzerelli?", "Carter chews---Hubba Bubba or Skoal?" "The place most women would like to kiss Dave--his lips or the sweet spot on his neck just under his ear?"...(in this case either answer was determined to be correct being that it's a matter of personal preference).

After the questionaire portion of the exam, the applicants were tested according to the reaction time it took for the individual to name a song performed by the band. Amazingly, the DMBheads could correctly name all songs in approximately 1/2 to 2/3rds of a second
of hearing it, whereas Crashheads (no matter what song was played) said almost as instantaneously "CRASH...no!...CRUSH!...no!...CRASH... no!...CRUSH!...awh man, it was CRASH, wasn't it?!?"

The remaining subjects were then put thru rigorous physical exams which determined that they showed remarkable ability in sprinting thru gates with large blankets to get the best seats at a venue such as Jazzfest or on the lawn, considerable arm strength to fend off old and/or drunken peeps who pay off security and crash the pit, extraordinary swimming stamina and wading technique thru bogs and flooded streets after concerts (ex. 7.20.01).

And, in a written exam, it was discovered that DMBheads have developed their own language to communicate with each other regarding issues pertinent to DMB. They've invented words new to the english language such as WTF, IEM, IMHO, SHN, BOWA, WWYS, ISO, Newbie, TAO, DAO, BT, BTCS.

Finally MRIs and X-rays of the brains of DMBheads reveal that they have larger than average frontal lobes and increased neuronal activity in this area. This finding probably accounts for the power of .

In short, DMBheads are considered to be so much more highly evolved than your average human being that they constitute a new species. Efforts are now being made to get these subjects to commit to donate there bodies to science upon their death so that autopsies may be done to study them further. However, most of them have declined as of this time saying, "I won't do it unless/until I hear Dave play the PIG."

i was gonna blog about my cramps.

but then i put this show on with this specific song that is just taking me back to a perfect moment in time...

my god it's been so long
i never dreamed you'd return
but now here you are
and here i am

hearts and thoughts they fade away...

god. gooooood god.

anyway. so yesterday i woke up with my splitting headache only to discover that i only had 3 ibuprofins left. so i took two, thinking to myself "oh well, i won't need those for a while."

WRONG!

i stupidly forgot about my hellish cramps. my cramps that would laugh and spit acid all over one ibuprofin. they don't even respond to mega doses of perscription pain killers when they really set their mind to it.

now, i haven't had a really bad case of cramps in a long time. i mean, ,they're always bad, but i can usually deal.

so they woke me up this morning around 4:30. ooooooh, it was bad. i could hardly stand up. took that one remaining ibuprofin, and continued dying for a while.

then i realized i still have some percosets and vicodin. so i took a vicodin.

the pain went away AND i couldn't move my arms.

word.

and you know... i haven't even written about things like my apartment...

i am in my new apartment. it rules and i love it to pieces. i have no furniture, and sometimes while talking on the phone i'll sit on the toilet seat just so i don't have to sit on the floor, but whatever. i have a coat closet!!!!!!! and a fireplace!!!!!! (hello, arizona girl) and an amazing view of mt. rainier outside of my livingroom window and porch. well, when it's clear at least.

i have this damned bathroom cabinet thingie i'm trying to put together. yeah. that really isn't working at all. i hate it. i want to smash it into a thousand pieces and get a full refund because the nice little "easy to assemble" on the box is a BIG FAT LIE.

oh, and yesterday was my birthday. and i drank. a lot. i really wasn't that drunk when i left the bar, but somehow once we got back here, it all hit me. i had had a bunch of beer with dinner, two shots of tequilla with becky and a few long islands. i decided i needed to start a fire, so but had no firewood. so i somehow followed mel on this long trek around the apartment complex to try and find someone else's wood to rip off. no clue how i didn't fall flat on my face at some point during that journey. and then we smoked. and it was all over from there.

i felt like hell this morning. HELL, i tell you! you know it's gotta be bad when i actually have a hangover. it started as a piercing headache and moved into a nice few hours of nausia. god, it was fun. no more mixing for me, please.

it's more wide awake and dying than i'm used to

hmm...what else....oh! i drove through my first winter storm on tuesday. it was bad enough that i a.)really couldn't see shit b.) have never driven in snow before at all, let alone a fucking blizzard, but, uh - it was after having drank and smoked all night long. i think i finally passed out around 6am, and we left at 9. mel had to be at work by 3, and he was even more trashed than i(and therefore much more hungover), so i was gonna drive the first leg of the trip while he slept. i was fuckin narcoleptic. sleep was pressing at every inch of me.

well, i didn't wanna wake him up, cuz he was dead to the world. so i kept driving. into the storm. until mel woke up and said," uh...why are you doing the winter storm driving?" so then began the task of finding an exit that was clear enough for me to pull off at so that we could switch. but then i couldn't stop the car cuz of all the damend snow and ice. so i just drove it into a little snow bank and all was good.

i can't stand sitting here anymore. my computer is on the floor and it's really not all that comfortable to type with the keyboard in your lap.

word.

wow. the past week has been extremley overwhelming and has left me verging on emotional and quite sure it'll be a while before i'm caught up on sleep.

there are so many times when i stop and reflect and just think to myself god, my life is good. i'm so damned fortunate to have the experiences that i have and to meet the people i have met. i mean seriously...such amazing people around every corner. these people that we met in pullman on tuesday night were straight out of a dazed and confused type movie, i swear to god. it was unbelievable. they were so cool! very hospitable, personable and just funny as fuck. i knew it was gonna get crazy when i saw one of the guys walking around with a frosty milk jug full of beer, filling up everyone's cups. i mean, come on now! it's pretty hard for me to keep my resolve not to drink anymore when the beer is coming to me.

god. and sitting around in this big group of people, with 3 guitars in the group, singing along at the top of our lungs...making eye contact with each smiling face in the group(well, except for the two girls who's sole purpose was to lure howie away for some fun in the sack...). i'm seriously going to be high on this one night for a long time to come. not to mention the two nights last weekend that were so damned fun.

oh god. and the shows. the seattle and portland shows were amazing. but tuesday night? nothing, absolutley nothing i could say could explain it. considering just how into howie's music i am, it was a dream come true. we had been complaining and going back and forth about how much we just wanted to see a full length howie show. not this 6 song opening crap that we knew we were in for. not that his portland set wasn't pretty damned amazing...but it left me with this totally unsatisfied feeling. and to find out about this show in pullman, and to actually GET that full set in a 150 person venue with the most respectful crowd i've ever been a part of...GOD. it was magical.

and then what came afterwards...actually partying with him and just...existing with him as if he was one of the crew...i really could not have asked for anything better. i don't know how we found this group of people, but i'm so glad we did. this guy who invited us over has gotta be a kindrid spirit or something, i swear to god.

you know, it really is amazing how it all works out. it's not even about playing your cards right so much. it's just about being who you are and no one else and just going with it.

every night is disco night
with you i'm living every moment for you
seeing things in a different way
oh my god i'm thankful that you're leaving

is there something we can do
this afternoon
is there nothing left to say
hold your love
warning you
that you are something new
afternoon

i am so fucking hungover.

uh.
well.
the kickassness of last weekend definitely stayed around for a few extra days. but...i'm not really wanting to write about it here. my blog's become way more public in the past few months than it was previously.

so, if you wanna know about my adventures in howiedom, just ask. i'd love to tell ya.

coming off of what has got to be one of the best weekends of my life.

fuckin a.

this week's lesson: it is not that fun to watch your favorite soap operas 5 days a week.

i am SO FUCKING STIR CRAZY. i feel like my entire life is on hold right now...and....well, it really is. still waiting for approval from the stupid apartment complex - i'll hopefully know tomorrow. i was stupid and decided to wait for the whole job application thing until i had a more permanent address and non-arizona phone number. i have all the ones i wanna apply for picked out...i just shouldn't have waited.

anyway.

so i really have had nothing to do all week. started to get to me yesterday, so i cleaned. and then today, after phone calls with the apartment place, i realized i was gonna seriously lose it if i sat around all day. mel had to work. lisa is at a school thing til 9. and i'll be damned if i was gonna watch passions again.

so i went and drove around a lot. it's so fun to just pick an exit and then wind around until i find another entrance to whatever freeway.

then i went to the grocery store and decided to pick up the makin's for these green chili chicken enchiladas i'm so fond of. i've actually never made them. hell - i've never made ANYTHING that isn't simple. so i'm quite proud of myself.

well, i should hold off on saying that til i taste the things. see, the recipe my mom gave me was for a bit more than i wanted to make. i mean, i'll eat off the leftovers for a while if mel and lisa don't like them, but i didn't wanna overdo it. so i had to kinda just wing it.

i'm going to see howie tomorrow. that is, if he isn't still sick. which will pretty much be bummer of the century, but i guess we'lldeal with that when it happens. going into the city with becky and mike during the day...then howie...then more howie on sunday...i am one happy girl.

GAH. i need something to do. it's really such a shame i'm so afraid of bothering people. or i just might be able to come up with something!

i guess i'll go take that stuff out of the over.

*crossing fingers*