so...i guess i haven't really blogged much.

and then i realized that i'm going to see 6 shows in the next week. see some friends. see some family. and then i have my last week of work. and then i'm driving back to arizona. and then school starts...

but know that it's all going extremely well.

:)

i wouldn't pass this by
i wouldn't take any more than
what sort of man goes by
i will bring water
why won't you ever be glad
it melts into wonder
i came in praying for you
why won't you run into the rain and play
and let tears splash all over you

anticipation. killing me. not quickly. very slowly. very very slowly.

this has got to be the funniest quiz i've seen in a long time.


Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i really don't like the fact that someone got here by searching my email address.

i mean, on one hand, it's probably ok because i don't use that addie with my family.

but on another hand, it's still sketch. and hits a bit too close to home. and since i've been thinking of relocating anyway, this kinda pressures that move into place. however, i just set up a new blog and then realized i'd have to put more stat code snippets in and re-do comments and blah blah, and quite frankly - i just ain't diggin it.

so i have two favors to ask.

one - if whoever performed said search would just let me know, that'd be swell. chances are, i couldn't give two flying fucks if you read. i just wanna know. and if i don't hear from anyone, i'm just gonna assume it's someone i'm uncomfortable with, and i'll just move on.

two - if someone would like to design a new blog for me, you just let me know that as well.

pip pip cheerio!

HYPER.

it's been so damned long since i've gotten home at 5 in the morning.

what a good night.

scored a 64% on the "Are you TRULY addicted to DMB?" Quizie! What about you?

Rules for Being a Good Republican:

1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, except Social Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate your personal sexual and reproductive decisions.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi- national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.

8) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and former President Clinton.

9) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

11) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.

12) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

13) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

14) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

15) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.

16) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

17) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art eere paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own art and thepoor don't need any.

18) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

19) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.

21) You have to believe that George W. Bush really won the last election.



no clue where 20 is :)

Saturday, july 5, 2003
11:26pm

alright.
the different methods and forums I have going on for writing are apparently not going to work. so I’m going to start typing it all. I hate the departure from handwritten journals, but I have so much to say and my hand can’t keep up with it. ain’t no way.

so many new things. such an exciting time. I feel like I should structure the story telling.but at this point that’s not gonna work. I’m just gonna have to go with whatever comes out, without regard for sequencing or anything like that.

ugh. it’s capitalizing my I’s. how annoying.

I love my job. I really really do. even though today was the first day when I really thought I was going to lose it. it was just out of control busy, and people were so annoying. but I’ve noticed how easy it is to feed of other people. for example, my second shift tonight was with Christina, who, while I love her, can be a bit on the negative and complainy side. and it’s a challenge not to give in and join her, especially when things are like they were tonight.

I love the group of people I’m working with. they’re the only group I’ve encountered who are as diverse as my freakies. different backgrounds, ages, histories. it’s amazing. barb reminds me so much of joycee. and her nails are always black and blue because she tye dyes. this guy jesse who actually left a few weeks ago was becker to a T. john looks so much like val kilmer. micah is just so fucking cool, I adore him. Jeremy is the same. he’s probably my favorite of the 4 trainers I had, and he’s one of those who can pick up an instrument and learn it.

which brings me to the music side of things. most everyone there has such an interesting musical history and such diverse tastes. they’re really really into it. so many musicians. I’m just so lucky to be working with these people. it is like a family all it’s own. and at first, it was hard because it is such a big group, and I do so much better in small groups. but now I’ve had a chance to be one on one with most everyone, and I’m starting to be more myself. especially since last night when I was actually able to go out and show a few of them that I’m not always this quiet observer.

it’s a very interesting scene. I love my job. I’m so damned glad I did this. and the thought had crossed my mind not to get too close to anyone, since I’m leaving so soon. but I don’t think that’s a possibility. and it’s going to be very hard to leave.

then there’s the new house. moved in wednesday. it’s so nice to be so close to work. 10 minutes as opposed to an hour and a half to 2 hours. it’s amazing. and I love the drive. I’m living in an actual city! it’s so utterly different from anywhere I’ve ever lived. and I’m living with 4 people who I do not know at all, but all who seem cool. not that I’ve even seen any of them all that much. but whatever.

so many changes…

monday, july 7th

so much is new in my life.
so much is so far completely different from anything that existed 2 months ago.

hell, a month and a half.

and then i get stoned and it all dawns on me...

(i haven't gotten stoned but 3 or 4 times since i got here)

just how excited i am for my dmb run. it's coming up. i get to see my first show..of the tour. my first show since december. my first show in 8 months. my first show since some relationships ended, and others began. since a few jobs and a few holidays. since i up and made a decision to move to seattle for the summer, where so many new people have come into my life and an entirely new lifestyle has come into being for me. i wake up in the morning and drive through the most heavenly place on earth to get to work. i'm getting to know an entirely new group of people, and learning so much along the way. i'm living with 4 people who i've never met before, and who are complete enigmas to me, but hey - that's cool!

and on top of that, i have the anticipation of knowing how amazing this tour is to make my first show of the tour more powerful than any i've been to thus far.

AND it'll be my 40th. :)

AND i'll get to see my arizona loves. who have secured such a special place in my heart.

and then...

my week will begin. first shoreline, which is virtually my hometown venue, seeing as i've been there every year for 5. and i'll get to see my huff brothers. and then vancouver. and jack. and then the gorge. which will be the most special weekend i've experienced in a long time.

and so many other things are in store. it's hit me that tour has started, but i just don't feel it yet.

good god. i need more time here. but i know that i don't have it. and that's a very strange place to be.and part of me is actually wondering for once what it would've been like if i'd...done something different.

like gone on tour from the beginning.

life would be totally different.

and that makes me think "hey, i have to make sure this decision is worth it, because i'm missing a lot because of it."

and then…
there’s the fact that it’s the exact year anniversary today. how weird is that? a year ago yesterday my reality switched, in the span of about 5 hours, from living in Tacoma, working at a children’s hospital, loving my job, loving my life, loving my surroundings, going to shows and bonnaroo and being absolutely passionate about even breathing, to lying on the futon in my mom’s room, completely drugged out of my mind, losing a week’s worth of memories(I’m told I layed in front of the tv, pretending to watch it), lying listlessly for days and days, just dealing with the fact that I no longer had control over my life for an indefinite period of time. it was all over.

and really, I think I did a pretty good job.

but a lot has happened since that day. my relationship with Jeremy. missed weddings, nik’s wedding. the surgery. the extent of the injury. recovery. the decision to stay in Tucson. my blossoming relationships with the boys. the Christmas party. new years eve with the huffy’s. my birthday. the end of a pretty intense relationship. time with megan. dave and tim. o.a.r. new relationships. so many temp jobs. title security. goodwill. shellie. the decision to apply. the decision to go. the move.

life is an amazing thing.

i've moved into my new place.

my commute now takes 10 minutes rather than 2 hours.

i lucked out tonight and couldn't find mel and lisa, ended up running into some people from work which is truly the best thing to happen to me in a while.

i could explain why, but i'm real tired as this is the first time i've really Been Out in a long, long time, and after my 9 hour work day i'm ready to zonk out.

but i have so much to say.

so look for more to come soon.