You Are a Passionate Kiss!

When you kiss, the world either stops or spins

At least for the minute that your lips are locked

No question about it, you tend to get carried away

It's no wonder your kissing often leads to other things :-)



What Type of Kiss Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

i'm having some best friend problems. colin has been a jackass for a while now.not that he's been purposefully rude to anyone. but he met this girl when he was in korea last year, and ever since then it's been down hill. it's a fight to stay in touch with him. and i talked to aden about it this past weekend, and i do not like the fact that now he is blowing off aden AND his family as well as me. there's no need for it. so i sent the following email:

alright...

well, truth be known i'm getting quite annoyed AND disgusted with the lack of contact you're keeping with me as well as anyone else who you at one point deemed important in your life. not a good combination, trust me. and there's really no excuse for it. so why don't you just go ahead and get your act together, drop me a little line and either tell me just why it is you're so distant, or make something fun up to keep me entertained and out of the disgusted/annoyed phase. ok? swell. thanks.

love!
amanda


got an email from him...telling me what he and girlfriend are doing. because they have no seperate lives anymore. it was almost robotic. he lives in san diego now apparently, which is about 5 hours from here, and yet i have no phone number. nor did i see him when he was in tucson for a week, about 5 minutes from me. anyway. the way he rattled shit off, and then asked to know what was going on in my life was so normal i think i'm even more disturbed now. is it actually possible for girls to legitimately brainwash their boyfriends?

over it.

oh, god help me.

so if you preorder howie's new cd at amazon.com, you get access to the entire thing.

so i'm having a little listening party of sorts online, and i'm 3 songs in. and i am absolutely in love. check it:

Collide
track 03 (stop all the world now)

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you
Yeah

Well I’m open, you’re closed
Where I’ll follow you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow found you and I collide

I’m quiet you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
Somehow find
You and I collide

Don’t stop here
I lost my place
I’m close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

Finally find
You and I
Collide

You finally find
You and I
Collide

i was watching ER, and flipping during a commercial break. and there he is, john mayer on primetime. very good interview.

and i love him.

i just have to admit it and accept it all over again.

just listening to him talk...it's ridiculous that i believe in him and believe in what he says and in his "motives" for making music. i love pure intent. and i love passion.

and damn, he looks like shit. i love that too. i just wanna hug him.

still don't have the new cd. as soon as i have money i'll get it.

fucking A, stay or leave is fucking killing me.

one last kiss
one only
and then i let you go
hard for you
hard fallen
but you can't break my fall
i'm broken
don't break me
when i hit the ground
some devil
some angel
has got me to the

you said always and forever
now i believe you baby
you said always and forever
is such a long lonely time


too drunk and still drinking
it's just the way i feel
it's alright
that's what you told me
cuz what we had was so beautiful
i feel heavy
like floating
at the bottom of a sea

you said always and forever
now i believe you baby
you said always and forever
is such a long lonely time

some devil is stuck inside of me
why can't i set it free
i wish i was dead and you're breathing
just so that you could know
that some angel is stuck inside of me
why can't i set you free

you said always and forever
now i will leave you
you said always and forever
is such a long lonely time

stuck inside of me...

maybe different, but remember
winter's warm there, you and i
kissing whiskey by the fire
with the snow outside
and when the summer comes
in the river
swim at midnight
shiver cold
touch the bottom, stars are bright
with muddy toes

stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you should
it was good as good goes
stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you did


wake up naked drinking coffee
making plans to change the world
while the world was changing us
it was good good love
you used to laugh under the covers
maybe not so often now
but the way i used to laugh with you
was loud and hard

stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you should
it was good as good goes
stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you did

so what to do with the rest of the days
afternoon haze
isn't it strange how we change everything we did
did i do all that i should

that could've done

remember we used to dance
and everyone wanted to be you and me
i want to be two
what day is this besides the day you left me
what day is this besides the day you went
so what to do with the rest of the days
afternoon haze
isn't it strange how we change everything we did
did i do all that i could?

remember we used to dance
and everyone wanted to be you and me
i want to be two
what day is this besides the day you left me
what day is this



ooooooh good go. i wanted to put the lyrics to the version on the actual cd down, but that's in my car so i'm listening to the live tracks. i don't know that i'll ever get over that song. it tweaks my heart in exactly exactly exactly the right spot. enough so that i think it's moved into my top 5 . which works well, because it used to just be a top 4, because i could never choose a 5th.

that makes my top 5 songs of all time:
#41
rapunzel
pig
you never know
stay or leave

sometimes i feel like i'm falling...

heh. i was at this show!

anyway. so tour is officially over. wow. that just hit me. granted, my involvement in this years tour was at an all time low. (well, not ALL time). but i had my share of fun. and damn...while last year with all the surgery shit was really intense and changing, i have to say this tour has probably seen an equal amount of change. well...ok, maybe not as drastic. but come on. the move to seattle. the amazing job, an amazing new group of friends, a relationship with a very dynamic and intriguing individual that was unlike anything i've ever known, an amazing west coast run that was exhilerating and beautiful and challenging and emotional and incredibly and wonderfully sexually charged, the move back here, and the transition - which is now "completed." and now, i do have some direction(*shockandaweshockandawe*).

did i mention here i'm moving to washington for good? i can't remember...probably not. there's a lot this bliggity blog has missed out on. but yeah, i am. i've got a job here for now, which left me completely braindead today. not sure if it's right for me, but it's a steady income so i can't bitch.

forget about the notion that our emotion can be kept at bay

um...i've realized that so many things i thought i was are no longer true. i learned this summer what a wonderfully liberating thing affection is. it's not that i've ever been anti-affection, but it's just never been my style. now, i can't stop from running up and kissing and hugging someone if i want to. just from a brief stint with someone who gave out and accepted all kinds of physical love(and i'm not referring to sex at this point in time, thanks), i've realized how important affection is to me, and how much it opens me up.

i'm no longer someone who keeps it all in. i have such an easier time feeling what i need to feel and talking to people about it. i'm very proud of myself for that. i accept that sometimes, people are going to make me feel like shit, and i'm going to hate having to relinquish control at those points, but fuck it - it'll pass. i no longer consider myself someone who has a few really good friends and a lot of acquaintances, but someone who is fortunate enough to have an astonishing array of friends who i can not only turn no, but TRUST. and not only that, but they have my back in any situation and show me such unconditional love that it makes every day a little bit brighter.

but, i think that's the biggest one. i'm learning to trust people. which...after some recent events seems strange for me to say. but though i've been lied to by someone who professed his all-encompassing love to me, i've learned that my instincts are even sharper than i thought. and that laughter goes a long loooooong long way. i still might need therapy when it comes to trusting a romantic love, and god knows that when i meet someone i fall head over heels for, my entire reality will probably shift into another dimension, but where my friends are concerned my trust for them grows almost daily.

that's a wonderful feeling.



where did this all come from?

i don't know. but i'm glad it did. :)

yup.

froma little "karmic love" report i just got on myself...

You are likely, in fact, to be drawn to romantic partners who are moody, whose emotional lives are something of a roller coaster. You are easily drawn in to others' tales of sorrow and hardship and your instinct is to nurture them back to a place of contentment and stability -- even at your own expense. You may have established a pattern of relationships in which you were the nurturer and your lover was the taker, who neglected your emotional needs in their pursuit of satisfying their own.


ya think?!
jeeze.

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

mraz plays phoenix the night i leave for ice and rach's wedding.

i'm gonna cry!

well, not really. but dammit! that hurts! i'm never gonna see the kid in a decent sized venue!

oh, yeah. and for the record? just don't lie to me.

one of my supervisors from el summer job-o called friday to get my address. we chit chatted a bit. it was so good to talk to him. he said they really miss me, and asked when i was coming to visit. it was really sweet. i miss those kids. told him i was moving back in march. he wanted to know if i'd visit before then. haha. don't think so.

absolutely bizarre weekend. sometimes, life just doesn't feel real at all. completely exhausting. and i start a new job tomorrow, so i feel like i need to focus somewhat, cuz i'm all kinds of out of it right now. not really in a bad way...just in a frazzled way.

yea. that's my update for now. :)

hmmmm

actually got something done in my dmb scrap book today. so now i'm up through albuquerque and phoenix...'01. heh. but hey, at least that's something. it made me really sentimental, though. i was actually reading journal entries and letters i'd written to people out loud to shellie and kristy. maybe that was because we started drinking mudslides at 1pm though.

in any case, shellie and i ended up having a pretty hugely important conversation.been a long time since i've had one like that. it felt good. but this hang over that i'm feeling doesn't feel quite so good. so i think it's time to go to sleep.

what is it about the clicking of a keyboard that can be so comforting sometimes? right now, i have nothing of any worth to say(not that that's stopped me before) yet i'm compelled to sit here and keep typing. no one on good ol' AIM. no emails to respond to. just me and the need for clicking.

on a keyboard.

hm.

who am i?

ha.

gravedigger
when you dig my grave
would you make it shallow
so that i can feel the rain

my heart hurts.

i don't like being so far away from friends when they need me.

and i'm very torn. i feel like there's about 50 different directions i could go right now with so many different things.

and now natalie imbruglia is in my head. isn't that just spiffy :)

i've been writing a lot of poetry lately. it's just somehow easier for me to get thoughts out in that form. it's not all artsy and vague, it's more just like stream of conciousness writing. i guess i really started doing it a few months ago...around march or april or so when i started having really intense and vivid dreams. most dealing with sex, mind you. but they were poetry in motion. now, i've got so much going on in my head(not that that's new. damn, i'm an analyzer), and i really like the way it's taking shape.

what's my point?

well, i've been debating putting it up here. some of it at least. because i'd like to share. i don't know what it is in me that has always wanted personal shit out in a public forum. i mean jesus, i've had an online journal since i was 16.

fuck. that was almost 8 years ago. i'm getting old.

but in putting it up, i know people make assumptions. and that bugs. cuz i'm real good at hiding things and manipulating placement and shading of words so that you'll think it's about one thing or one person, when in actuality it could be all completely fictional.

ya know? joe?

heh.
anyone watched "joe schmoe?" it's this un-reality series on SPIKE! tv for men! it's frickin' hilarious. they've got this one guy thinking he's participating in a show called "lap of luxury" but all the other people, including the host, are actors. it's all rigged. i think it's swell.

hm.

i think i'm a committment phobe. in all areas of life. that's a real fun discovery. let me tell you.

the end!

You should be dating a Sagittarius.
22 November - 21 December
Your mate is frank and open, optimistic and honest.
Though the Archer can display bouts of
argumentative, impatient and critical
behaviour, he or she is extremely adventurous
in bed.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

so...

once again, all i feel like saying is how much i love my dmb friends. seriously. every once in a while, i lose touch with how much i love them. and more importantly(and more arrogantly) i lose touch with how much they love me. and i lose touch with a music. and tonight, i was able to let btcs into my heart, TWICE, so that it could kind of work it's magic in there and caress all those wounded places in my heart and soul and remind me of what's real and what's not and give me a sense of well being.

seriously, though. my love for these people is so extraordinary. it is so amazing to know that you have people who are there for you no matter what. specific examples come to mind with a couple of them, but they make their love for me so clear. and even after 2 and a half years, it's new and exciting and amazing to me every time i feel it.

lucky, lucky girl.

1. What is your full name?
google google yahoo
2. What color pants are you wearing?
jeans
3. What are you listening to?
there's some distant tv noise
4. What are the last 4 digits of your phone number?
7528(i can't remember that unless i look at a phone sometimes. hm.)
5. What was the last thing you ate?
purple grapes. that would've been better in jugga.
6. What did you have for lunch today?
haven't gotten there yet. but i have an oriental chicken salad from costco calling my name
7. How is the weather right now?
sunny and too hot.
8. Last person you talked to on the phone?
bill. the computer fixer guy.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
the vibe i get from them
10. Do you like the person who sent you this?
she's real cool.
11. How are you today?
right now, i'm quite hyper and sorta feeling like myself for the first time in a long time. nasty nasty time of year.
12. Favorite drink?
cranberry juice, ice cold water with lemon, cranberry grapefruit sobe
13. Favorite Alcoholic drink?
margaritas or vodka tonics
14. Favorite sports?
surfing, college basketball, blah blah blah

15. Hair color?
yucky. but i'm real excited because my hair's been curly for the past few weeks without me even trying. i like it that way.

16. Eye color?
Brown
17. Do you wear contacts?
20/20 vision baby
18. Siblings and their ages?
daniel, 21; ami, 31 or 32, angela 35 or so(yeah. i'm a great family member.)
19. Favorite Month?
in arizona, february - april, in washington, april-october

20. Favorite food?
right now it's thai. and there are no good thai places here. hm. i also make a mean lasagna.
21. Last Movie you watched?
bowling for columbine. would you all please watch it please? please?
22. Favorite day of the Year?
gorge day
23. Favorite relaxation spot?
seattle. i just can't help but be in a perpetual state of relaxation when i'm there.
24. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
yup. plus, i don't think dating and my generation really go together. or maybe that's just me.
25. First teenage (or Pre-teen) movie star crush?
chad allen
26. Winter or Summer?
oofda. winter here. summer there. but i really like spring. and fall.
27. Hugs or Kisses?
i love kisses. but the kind of kissing i like isn't something i'd do with all y'all. i LOVE hugs. when someone i love doesn't hug me well enough, i make them do it again. if i meet someone who doesn't know how to hug, i usually teach them. it's just something everyone around me has to know how to do well, because there's nothing like heart felt, all encompasing hugs.
28. Relationships or one night stands?
relationships. no matter what their dysfunction. i love the personal growth that comes from them, no matter how difficult it is.
29. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate shake, vanilla ice cream and scents
30. Do you want your friends to write back
lots of you already have. i'm going to read those next.
31. Who is most likely to respond?
eh
32. Who is least likely to respond?
Matias
33. What books are you reading?
jitterbug perfume - tom robbins
36. What's on your Mouse Pad?
the world
37. Favorite Board Game?
balderdash
38. What did you do last night?
went over to the girls' house so shellie could cut my hair. she did. groovy. no more pony tail haircuts for me

39. Favorite smells?
ginger, cucumber mellon, sex, some guys cologne, mint, apple pie, good weed, mel & lisa's house

40. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
nah
41. What inspires you?
passion, music, triumph over tragedy, love, truth, beauty...
42. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn?
like jen, i can go without popcorn, but i love kettle corn. it's real good.
43. Favorite car?
not a big car person. i love my car. it treats me well, considering it now has 130000 miles on it.
44. Favorite flower?
i just love flowers period. i like wild, colorful arangements.
45. How many keys are on your key ring?
house key, car key, key for the lock i put on my locker at EMP. sigh.

46. Can you juggle?
balls, no. 10 million tasks? if i feel likeit :)
47. Favorite day of the Week?
days are meaningless to me. i like gorge day.
48. Red or white wine?
red zinfandels please.
49. What did you do for your last birthday?
oh, let's see. friends threw me a party. at this party, we went through 2 bottles of vodka for some killer jugga, a bottle of everclear for some jello shots, a bottle of whiskey for something or other, a jug of hop skip and go naked, and about 5 cases of beer. oh and lots of weed. it was a real fun party. i walked back and forth throughout the house, feeding people jugga. oh. and kissed a few people. hm. yeah. fun.
50. Do you carry a donor card?
no
51. Lifetime Goals.
to continue to grow and change and learn from what life gives me, to keep a positive outlook yet allow for down times, to end up in washington state, to find a job that allows me to grow as a person, whether it's just because it allows me time and the means to do what i want, or because the job itself is my passion.

dmb in central park.

holy god, why did no one point this out to me?

i can't even get my head around that one. absolutely amazing. i think if i could sell my soul to be there, i just might.

wake
unable to breathe
mood swing
laughter
sleep
unable to breathe
front it
force it
exhaust it
wonder
unable to breathe
detach
remember
visualize
fantasize
get wrapped up
wake back up
unable to breathe

my hatred for our government grows and grows all the time. now i get this email from truemajority.org:


Dear Amanda,

Rather than admitting the shortcomings of his failed policy and plotting a course to get us out of Iraq, George Bush used the speech to the nation to repeat his lies in the hopes that people will believe them if said often enough.

There was no mention of Weapons of Mass Destruction, Bush continued to equate Iraq with al-Qaeda terrorists even though there's no factual basis for the charge, and then he asked us for another $87 BILLION to bail him out.

How much is $87 billion? For that amount of money, America could:

Solve the school budget crisis in every one of our communities,
OR
Provide health insurance for every uninsured American child for 15 years,
OR
Provide food for all 6 million of the children who die from hunger around the world for 7 years.

A day of protest is being planned for October 25 in Washington D.C. and Los Angeles and places in between. For information about these events, go to:

http://www.truemajority.org/ctt.asp?u=92337&l=112

Sincerely,

Ben Cohen
President, TrueMajority.org
Co-Founder, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream+





fucking disgusting.

good weekend. jack was here. that was splendid. tucson cops and their new rampage against underage drivers can really just suck my recently-shitted-out-of asshole. seriously. they are rude and go completely beyond their boundaries.

it's been a month since gorge. that's strange.

and still, no pictures.

*grumble grumble*

depression is dumb. i'm over it. it can leave me now. i've had about enough. mood swings are lame. headaches can bite my ass. living with my mom, who keeps asking if i'm ok doesn't help. i'm over the heat. i wish it would rain. i wish i had some new dmb shows. i wish i was going to another dmb show. i love my girls, but i wish i was happier these days. i'm over shitty weed. i'm over the need to self medicate(maybe just because i haven't been giving in to it...that much). i need lots of attention and affection. i'm over lies and manipulation. i wish i hadn't completely lost any small sense of myself last night, even though it passed. i've never experienced that before. i'm searching for truth. it's no where to be found. i'm searching for a job. it's no where to be found. i'm so glad jack is coming this weekend. he'll give me attention and affection. i haven't seen him in almost a year. i'm over living in a house that's for sale. it's lame. i can't believe gorge was not even a month ago. i like chipotle, but i wish there wasn't a ribbon of white rice. mix it up, baby. i love seeing my boys grow up. i miss mel and lisa. i miss my turquoise ring. i love arizona sunsets. i think i'm learning to like phoenix. i saw the coolest rainbow when i was driving back from seattle. just north of sacramento. it was vibrant and huge and complete. i loved the thunderstorm that followed. i would like a full body massage. i'm jaded. i want to watch the two towers. i want to shoot myself in the foot for a lot of things right now. that'll pass. i just wish it would sooner. i want sex. lots of it. with no interuptions. i like rachael. she's a fucking great friend. i can't wait for wedding month. i can't wait til it cools off. i can't wait til i feel better.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, sprinting out of the icy wasteland! It is Amanda, hands clutching a piece of chainlink fence! She bellows apocalyptically: "I'm going to hump you harder than God thought possible!!"

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that is just fucked up.