W O R D.: 09/01/2004

Saturday, September 25 10:37pm
Well, first off - "my little baby" is here. I saw her Thursday and it was exciting and surreal and beautiful and I am so amazed and stoked that she is finally here. This little girl who I have thought about so much and dreamed of and imagined is a real being who I can touch and watch and love. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.

Yeah, it makes me smile.

Second off - I’ve screwed myself by writing so little in the past month. It’s been an incredible one. I might have written this already, but my analogy of what DMB does for me stems from mushroom trips. The day after, my sight is very crisp and clean and colors are very vivid. Same thing with this little DMB escapade I found myself on. I’m in a perpetually good state for the most part. But then I went to those shows and life is so much more vivid and I’m feeling things much deeper once again. Genuinely in love with life and remembering what it feels like to drink it deep.

My need for sex is pretty severe. On the drive home from SF, there was a point where I was pretty highly uncomfortable and possibly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had to roll the window down. There are times when I feel I might actually die if I don’t have an orgasm Right Then.

there’s this pic of Dave in the newest Rolling Stone right now...oh lord. That’s just mean.

Hah!

Today’s "daily singles" horoscope:
Daily Singles:You've got the tools to instigate a change in a relationship. Your charisma is high and you know exactly what you want. Better yet, you'll be able to convey it without beating around the bush.

these long days at work are such adventures. You’re working with the same group of people, and there’s such swings in peoples’ attitudes and demeanors throughout the day for the most part. I go from talkative to quiet to excited and zaney to tired and sluggish to cranky and back again.

I’ll be done with you sooner or later
when just like that, you lose all your charm
it comes and goes with such ease
you’re a metronome of inconsistency
but you felt and heard my need for sex
for intimacy
for full physical and emotional control
so I’ll always be in touch

if i posted this already, i apologize.

Tuesday August 24th 1:47am
I love knowing the thoughts that are going through DMB fans’ heads on a night like tonight.
Does this mean Tim for the entire west coast? Is he joining up with them in some big swoop of legendary DMB-lore? This must mean Albuquerque will be like Nashville is with BFF. And that’ll be the show every year to go ahead and go to. But wait maybe they want to avoid making it like that, so they’ll have him show up at a few more shows to psych us out a bit.

My favorite part is actually that people believe their reasoning. Like it’s the right one and they have special insight that allows them to fully understand the motivations behind decisions such as this one.

It can’t just be..."hey, we’re totally in a really good space right now and our good friend Tim hasn’t played with us in a while, so he should just come on out..." Which is how it should be.

1. Your name spelled backwards. adnama
2. Where were your parents born? dad: douglas, az mom: rapid city, sd
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? norton update
4. What is your favorite restaurant? bazil's or la parilla suiza
5. Last time you swam in a pool? i really can't remember
6. Have you ever been in a school play?cinderella, fiddler on the roof, music man, oliver!, anything goes, probably something else...
7. How many kids do you want? none
8. Type of music you dislike most? eminem
9. Are you registered to vote? yes
10. Do you have cable? yes!
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? yes
12. Ever prank call anybody? that was just What We Did when i was in 4th grade. "have you hugged your teddy bear today?" what the fuck is that?
13. Ever get a parking ticket?several
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? sky diving. i doubt my back could take either, though.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled. i guess connecticut. or hawaii. or the carribean. no clue about those distances.
16. Do you have a garden? no, but i want one.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? when i paid attention it was calvin and hobbes
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? words AND harmonies
19. Best movie you've seen in the past month? i don't think i've seen any!
20. Favorite pizza topping? ham & pineapple. or veggies.
21. Chips or popcorn? neither
22. What color lipstick do you usually wear? usualy just chapstick. but sometimes glittery gloss.
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? nope
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? no.
25. Orange Juice or apple? i don't really drink juice anymore, but orange. too acidic now though.
26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? megs. taco bell somewhere in northern california. stellar. before that it was megs, scotty, noah and emily at some really good chinese place in san fran.
27. Favorite type chocolate bar? i prefer cheese.
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?2000 i guess
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?when i was 5 or 6. it was what made me hate tomatoes.
30.Have you ever won a trophy? we got trophies after dance recitals and karate matches...does that count as "winning?"
31. Are you a good cook? absolutely
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas? what the hell kind of question is that?
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial? nope
34. Sprite or 7-up? Sprite.
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? i have to wear a certain shirt at my current job.
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?hair dye
37. Ever throw up in public? if you consider a house party public
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? i'd prefer my true love to be a millionaire. heh. just jokin'
39. Do you believe in love at first sight? sure, why not
40. Ever call a 1-900 number? probably
41. Can exes be friends? yeah
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? my mom maybe...damn my memory is bad
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? curly curly curly hair
44. What message is on your answering machine? something cheery
45. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?i love the mike myers kid who's tied to the monkey bars.
46. What was the name of your first pet? mickey, a dog
47. What is in your purse?junk, trash, empty wallet, tampon, hi-liter, pens, change, receipts, schedules, pills, cough drops...
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? read
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? guys who smell good, guys who whisper in my ear, guys who give great hugs, guys with good lips, guys who blow kisses, guys who are taller than me, guys who love eachother, guys who sing, guys who have dreams of bands, guys who try to figure out chord progressions, sexual innuendos and chicken pad thai.

i have little to no idea what is going on in my life right now.

i never thought it had escaped me, but somehow this magical glow has crept over everything around me, making it once again so much more vibrant and exhilerating. . the tiniest things...

it's such a tribute to the connections and memories made in this DMB history of ours. i find it really inspirational.

this is what i wrote about the gorge right after it happened. it might be the best you get for a while, but we'll see.

tuesday sept 7, 8:44pm
our house is a wreck. Our fridge looks like a convenience store. Beer and gatorade and soda(I almost typed POP), and more beer and juice and more beer in bottles and cans. There is a huge mound of pillows and blankets and tents and chairs and jackets in the middle of our living room. There are random tripping hazards scattered everywhere.
My noisehairs still smell like camp fire and dirt. I’ve got a cold that won’t quit and I keep smoking weed. My brain is awhirl and my soul is light and my need to just go back there is strong.
What a great weekend.
It went by quicker than I could’ve imagined yet there’s memories that feel months away. It really started last Wednesday night and didn’t end until about an hour ago when Greg, Shellie and Jack left.
I can’t really explain it. I really need to lay and relax now. But it was another example of DMB living at it’s best. I love that band and I love what they bring to my life. I love my friends. I love central Washington in all it’s deserty splendor. That venue is amazing. I love the river and it’s coldness and talks with people out on the ropes. I love coolers in the water and kickball and coors light, card games and hot dogs. The exhaustion that follows the concerts. I love feeling that carefree.
It was amazing.

so i just got done with a gorge weekend i haven't had a chance to process. i guess the end all be all statement for it would go something like: ham and cheese and bread, thank you come again, smoke yourself retarded and bask in the glow of life.

i'm headed into a san francisco weekend i am not at all prepared for. when i say not prepared, it goes a little beyond typical amanda non-planningness. i dont' know when we're leaving. i don't know where we're staying. i don't know what time anything is or how to get there or who we're meeting up with or what the weather will be like or who's even going period. no clue where the tickets are or how i'm going to afford to breathe, let alone eat(thank god for leftovers from last weekend - my only nourishment, for certain will be pb&j and smores and maybe some cold hot dogs).

but i don't think i care.

i do love san francisco, however. and i've resigned off of my semi-mom perch that i was unwillingly placed on last weekend.

party time, bitches.