oh my GOD i hate my life at this moment.

*laughing hysterically*

the concert last night is really something i'm having a hard time discussing with anyone. it was an incredibly powerful experience. incredibly. i am so intrigued by the whole production...it DEMANDS your complete attention. whoever designed the lighting...the visuals...the music...and everything else understands the human psyche better than anyone ever should. i'm going to copy and paste the posts i sent to the freak list about it.

subject:tool
don't think many of you like them, but i just got back from a concert and...wow.

definitely one of the most amazingly brilliant productions i've ever seen.

whoever puts that show together scares the hell out of me. i don't even wanna know what entered my mind subconciously tonight.

one word for you: SEX. you wanted it. you needed it. everything about the show suggested it - and it was aimed at sex through a females mind which is just so much more intense and disturbing and absolutley appealing than sex from an average guy's mind.

only band that even holds a flame to dmb in my mind. of course, you really can't compare the two, but the fundamentals are the same. hello passionate music. and it is sooooo *musical*. the two genres are very different, but they're very highly and intricately musical.

maynard is so brilliant, i can't even begin to grasp it.

yeah, i'd definitely like to sit down and talk to that guy one of these days. and he lives in phoenix. i really don't know that his level of brilliance can be touched as far as today's music goes. wow...he understands the human mind like no other. and adds a nice, dark twist.

it was really good to hear him say something along the lines of.."i hope some of you have been inspired tonight. and i hope you take what you learn and use it to make some peace in the upcoming weeks."

and they all hugged in a big huddle at the end. i was very impressed with that because...well, because the content of the concert was so dark - but it's just art. they're trying to avoid the whole cliche of young people listening and then taking these hateful, violent messages home with them.

last night, he was in the dark the entire time. against the backdrop of a screen, but in the dark no less. pretty much naked.


oh, and one more thing about the concert, then i'll shut up.

anyone who's seen any of tool's videos...there's all those weird clay-like "beings" in a lot of them. of just human-like creatures.

WELL.
they had a guy and a girl walk out on stage. completely nude, no hair or anything, covered in this...metallic paint that reflected light.
they were raised up over the stage by their feet, and there they dangled for a good 20 minutes to half an hour in front of the two huge
screens. just contorting their bodies... at one point you really couldn't tell which was their frontside and which was their
backside...except for a glimpse of the guys junk every now and then. they resembled those beings to the T...they way they moved. it was FREAKY. but so damned cool...i have no clue how they even accomplished that. at one point, there was intensely halucinogenic(is that the right word? i don't know) graphics on scree...metallic...and it just looked like those bodies turned into silver globs...droplets...something. god, i wish i could explain it better. i was almost convinced we were going to get a live sex show with these two people dangling upside down in the air. but really, this was far better.

hmm. guess you had to see it.

i want some more. :)

i'm taking this straight from nikki's blog.

top 10 cd's i couldn't live without:

1.)dave matthews band - before these crowded streets
2.)tool - aenima
3.)sublime - 40 oz. to freedom
4.)radiohead - the bends
5.)pink floyd - dark side of the moon
6.)dave matthews band - crash
7.)dave matthews band - the lillywhite sessions(heh. does that count?)
8.)tori amos - under the pink
9.)sneaker pimps - becoming x
10.)ani difranco - little plastic castle
11.) no doubt - tragic kingdom

i suck at cutting things off. and really, the first three listed are so far above absolutley anything else i've ever heard, that i could have cut it off there.

tool tonight tool tonight tool tonight tool tonight.

i'm going to see tool tonight.

tool tonight tool tonight.

i've been waiting for this for so damned long.

and it really would make sense to go to my 2:00 class, because that'd help time go by faster. but...i don't think i'm going to.

i'm so smart.

jane works at beyond bread, and is always reaping the benefits in the form of goodies she takes home. sunday when we were making dinner, she gave me a huge chunk(loaf? round? what do you call them?) of focaccia. so today i made a KILLER sandwich for lunch. focaccia...smoked turkey, swiss, lettuce, cucumbers and balsalmic vinaigrette, because i seem to be obsessed with that stuff.

it was gu-u-uuud.

i am feeling very insecure in a few of my relationships right now. VERY. i hate feeling like i'm having girlish reactions to things...

then again, it could be the PMS talking.

it appears that there are some families of patients with schitzophrenia that might be going on 60 minutes to discuss the joke we call "mental health care" in arizona.

hm.

actually going to the websites for organizations that i'm applying for internships/looking for volunteerwork with has done wonderful things for my level of crakcheadedness.

good lawd, i wanna go NOW!

i think i can find a really good cause too! imagine that! a good cause in seattle! woohoo!

i'll stop now.

maybe i'll go watch almost famous for the 100th time.

my boobs hurt.

DIE pms DIE

my brother was supposed to have a psychiatrist appointment last thursday to get a refill for his anti-psychotic perscription. (mind you, this is the 3rd time he would have seen a psychiatrist since his diagnosis last december - and he has yet to see a psychologist.)(well, no, i take that back. my mom sent him to a psychologist "outside of the system" a few months ago, but 5 minutes in the guy asked daniel if he wanted to be there, and when daniel said no, let him go.) his case worker called and left a message with my mom telling her it had been changed to friday.

unbeknownst to my mom, the case worker called daniel on monday and let him know it had been moved back to thursday. so when daniel asked my mom on wednesday when his appointment was, she told him friday.

so the case worker called friday, wondering why daniel hadn't shown up. they figured out what had happened. but the rule with the lovely program he's in is that if you miss your appointment, they won't refill your perscriptions. and they wouldn't be able to get him in to the psychiatrist for at least another month. my mom mentioned that perhaps because it was a matter of misscommunication, maybe they could possibly make an exception and refill his perscription. they said no. they rescheduled the appointment for monday, but would not give him a refill for his meds.

which is soooo much fun.

trying to get him stabalized is constantly sabotaged by the people who are supposed to help him. when he was admitted to the hospital after his suicide attempt, he wasn't given his meds(let me restate that - antiPSYCHOTICS) for 4 days because the medical center was "not a psychiatric facility." and so now he's been off of them since wednesday.

so tonight, he had a nice little episode. one of those ones where my mom no longer feels comfortable in the house and has to leave. she never really believes that when he flips out he'll actually hurt her, but she's scared none-the-less. and the past week has been a bad one - he's been up all night, sleeping during the day, so she hasn't been getting any sleep because he cooks and does things of similar noisy natures all through the night. she's just exhausted at this point, and has a lot to do at work tomorrow, and really just needed a good night's sleep.

so i went over for a few hours...he's always ok around me. he wouldn't come out of his room, really, so i just went back into her room and watched tv for a while. he made some pasta.

and really...i'm just totally used to it at this point. like i've said before, it all goes in cycles... and everything we're reading, and this 12 week course my mom is taking is telling us it'll be about 3-5 years before he's stabalized and is able to accept his condition.

it's so sad.

and highly frusterating.

i just watched "hocus pocus."

because it was the only thing on.

*sigh*

i spent tonight with an entirely new group of people. because, you know, i'm not spread thin enough among my existing groups of friends as it is...

it was fun, though. i was sober the entire time among a few tripping people, a few completely sloshed people(they all gathered at 4:30 today to watch the diamondbacks BEAT THE YANKEES ASSES!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!) and some extremley giddy people. it was a good time. they're really really good people.

gah. i've gotta stop meeting people who are so damned cool. seriously. the complications it brings...

;)

what is this fascination people have with calling me while drunk and driving???

for. the love. of GOD!

most annoying thing ever?

the fucking intro song to the ananda lewis show.

there is so much going on right now in all areas of my life...

and i think i'm gonna have to consult the paper journal for a while.

but, alas, i will be checking in here to write up more worthless, completely uninsightful and utterly pointless blogs. don't you worry your pretty little head.

yeah, so last night was rather emotional.

and i can't even remember half of what happened. i do know that i kicked john. hard. sitting there in the strip club...it wasn't really an agressive move....i guess...

it was actually more of a move that i would have normally pulled on him. i was just sitting there talking with paul, and i got the overwhelming desire to kick john. *shrug* what can ya do?

ugh, and then when i got to jeremy and bob's, i ended up babbling to jeremy for a good half hour. about a whole bunch of shit, including why i can't see john and why i think rachel is satan's spawn.

luckily, when i got home there were a few people online to entertain me. though i think i was the one doing the entertaining.

and not to be redundant or anything, but i'm so damned glad i went over to see nick. i'm so damned comfortable around that boy...

he also filled me in on what's going on in his life. met a girl he really liked - she moved away for college(this happens to him quite often.). he also got really sick. he was told by 3 doctors that it was "probably HIV." it ended up just being really severe pneumonia, but he spent 2 weeks thinking he had HIV. and i can tell that completely made an impact on him.

time to move on to another means of procrastinating - i'm gonna watch "devil's advocate."

tonight saw me celebrating nik's 21st. nik is different than nick, mind youu...


got drunk as hell. went to a strip club with the boys. john ended up showing up with chad. somehow people decided it'd be good for me to ride home with the two of them. i wasn't too thrilled. ended up really fucking sad...

came home and was cheered up by some people online(thank you.). and then niCk called...and we hung up. and then i called him back and said i really needed to see him. so i went over to his place for like 15 minutes...

GOD it was good to see him.

we made a pact.

because we're so bad at keeping in touch, even when we live in the same fucking appartment complex, we've agreed that no matter what, whenever one of us moves, we'll let the other one know so that we can always get in touch with eachother.

:)

so.
tired.

must.
go to.
2:00.
class.

must.

that song just does something to me. have you ever gotten the chills so bad it's almost painful? that's how it was when i saw it live...that's how it is when i read the lyrics...and that's how it is every time i listen. and it's strange because i think it's one of those songs i don't fully relate to yet. but i somehow know i will...

"you should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes"

that's the line that does it to me. i could go into just exactly why, but...well...i just don't feel like it!!!!

i'm writing you to catch you up on places i've been
you held this letter probably got excited
but there's nothing else inside it

didn't have a camera by my side this time
hoping i would see the world with both my eyes
maybe i will tell you all about it
when i'm in the mood
to lose my way
with words

today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche
and strange how clouds that look like mountains
in the sky are next to mountains anyway

didn't have a camera by my side this time
hoping i would see the world through both my eyes
maybe i will tell you all about it
when i'm in the mood to loose my way
but let me say

you should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
you'll be with me next time i go outside
no more 3x5's

guess you had to be there
guess you had to be with me
today i finally overcame
tryin to fit the world inside a picture frame
maybe i will tell you all about it
when i'm in the mood
to lose my way but let me say

you should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
you'll be with me next time i go outside
no more 3x5's
just no more 3x5's

today i...

-couldn't find a job.
-bought the new and improved room for squares.
-listened to 3x5 about 50 times. great song.
-sent out more resumes.
-went to the grocery store and finally bought some drano so that maybe my shower will go back to normal.
-cleaned out the fridge.
-went to dinner with my mom and brother.
-gave my brother some cd's i made for him.
-played with my dog.
-did a lot of procrastinating, and didn't finish any of the assignments i started. all are due tomorrow
-had massive smile brought to my face by a phone call that lasted a minute and thirty seconds.
-french braided my hair.

i should really stop now. night.

so...i decided to watch a little TV while lying in bed. only thing on is a news program on NBC about the attacks in afghanistan.

what the hell are we doing?

seriously. what the HELL are we doing? i can't wrap my mind around what is going on. and i can't understand what purpose a third week of bombing is serving. this is feeding the intense hatred that prompted the september 11th attacks in the first place. why is no one questioning this? i can't believe americans are this ignorant and willing to just turn the other way.

there's so many thoughts i have on all this...thoughts that i won't even breathe life to because the reality of them is staggering and not something i want to face up to.

oh, yeah, and that's another thing. i hate letting people know when i'm less than content. because...well...there are times i loose my worried mind... and maybe they won't react well to another side of me. you know?

fall is always my "down" time of year.

but i do think this fall might be the exception to the rule. because i *am* having a good time with life...i'm still lovin it. i'm just thoughtful as hell.

i am so going to stop blogging now. lol.

i have got SO MUCH going on in my head right now dealing with so many topics. my friends, my mom and my brother, school, moving, new tensions, old tensions...i really wish there was someone i could talk to about it all.

ok, so there's several people i could talk to. but i wish there was someone i felt completely comfortable talking to about *all* of it, not just selected parts.

i'm being pulled in so many directions right now. i love all of my friends, don't get me wrong. i really truly do. i'm so damned lucky to be surrounded by so many awesome people - i've said that many times before. but there's the people i feel obligated to spend a certain amount of time with, then there's the people i just really want to be around. people who are honest about feeling like i'm "neglecting" them, or whatever, and people who don't let me know that they've wanted me around until it's too late. there's people i see too much, and people i miss like hell. there's people i miss like hell that live thousands of miles away, and people i miss like hell that live 200 feet away. i haven't been spending enough time with my mom and brother at all, and i'm having huge guilt issues on that front. i'm realizing how alone my brother is, and what that would feel like, and wondering what i can do to change that. i feel guilty that i don't really mesh with all of my friends friends. i feel guilty that i don't call certain people enough.

i'm starting to feel guilty about the huge amount of things i've done for myself in the past few months.

i feel guilty about ever feeling down for even a few seconds.

wow! that's a lot of guilt! hmmm.

i really need to suck it up and do a groundwork review before more time passes.

um. yeah. groundwork was absolutley phenomenal. one of the best live shows i've ever seen. the venue was incredible - 2700 people, perfect acoustics... our seats were first row balcony, which was pretty fucking cool as well.

(good GOD this cd is distracting the hell out of me. see the post below this one. it's really really doing weird things to me.)

they love to tell you stay inside the lines
but something's better on the other side

anyway. so the vibe before the concert was off the hook. i'd been giggling all day, we wandered around the market, went to a few bars. good times, good people. the vibe when dave came out, however, was electric. it was towards the end of emmylou's set(that woman has the voice of an angel), and dave came out mid song to join her for a duet. the crowd just erupted...i remember clapping my hands together and then just keeping them clasped in front of my lips, smiling. great moment. he had a piece of paper in his hands with the words on it, and the duet they did was just beautiful. he nailed it. i can't wait to hear it again. i remember thinking that i've never heard dave's voice sound so....professional? can't think of the word for it. but it sounded like a highly trained voice. it was strange.

so then there's dave's set...oh my. i've never heard or seen anything like it. just dave sitting on a stool with his guitar. granted, that's the way it was for farm aid and for bridge school, but this was so much different...the size of the venue and the fact that everyone was sitting. of course, i had bet mel that he would not play the stone(because i figured out a while ago that whenever i bet the boy that something won't be played, it shows up in the set list without fail, and i REALLY wanted to get that song), so it served as the perfect opener, especially seeing as mel was sitting right next to me, in mike's seat, making sure the levels and everything were ok on his gear.

crush was just incredible. dave just went off - guitar-wise, vocally and physically - his leg kept flying out to the side, away from the stool. by far the best crush i've ever seen. when the world ends was right on...watchtower was killer - the audience reacted to the build up during "the hour is getting late" just as they would have had it been full-band - screams errupted everywhere. grace was lovely. the crowd was so quiet...with one exception that completely threw him off, causing him to fuck up one of the verses. but whatever. the new song melted my heart - it is soooo sweet. the trio with daniel lanois and emmylou for "the maker" was a much expected treat.

i can't even remember what the rest of the setlist was. i just know that i walked out of there with a massive smile on my face, and hugs all around. words can't even express how fortunate i feel to have been there. having never seen dave and timmy, or dmb in a small venue, the dramatic side of me wants to say it was almost vital that i saw that show. i had told everyone going that they wouldn't be able to talk to me about it afterwards if i didn't go - and i now realize just how true that would have been. it would have driven me up the wall. and to think i had given up on getting tickets...

the conspiracy against me was shot to hell.

heh.

i won.

it was an absolutley perfect ending to an amazing 10 day seattle extraaavaganza. ;)

um. whoa. timewarp. i just put on "inside wants out." the first john mayer i ever heard...

ok, so it's not like a massive timewarp or anything, but still. that's a different era, yo!

just sit back, close my eyes...




whatever, amanda.

OOFda!

:(

doing a little bit of missing people tonight...

but...i'm not gonna talk about it.

there is nothing like the tucson meat market.

NOTHING.

i could probably live my whole life without going to another bar here.

ok, it IS rather fun. but JESUS focker!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i stopped at beyond bread on my way home to get a salad to eat tonight and a sandwich for tomorrow. grilled chicken salad with vinaigrette and turkey, cucumbers, and avacado on ciobatta.

i ended up eating half the salad and half the sandwich, rather than saving the sandwich.

and DAMN was it good.

off to spanish i go!

listening to the "new" dave song...seems to me like a mix between "ain't it funny" and "waste" but whatever. it's very sweet. makes me smile. and i felt the need to type it out...

where are you going
with you long face falling down
don't hide away
like an ocean
that you can't see but you can smell
and the sound of waves coming down

i am no superman
not at all
i have no answers for you
i am no hero
oh and that's for sure
but i do know one thing
where you go
that's where i wanna be

where are you going?

where do you go?

are you looking for answers
for reasons under the stars
if along the way you are growing weary
you can rest with me until a brighter day

i am no superman
that's for sure
and i have no answers
i am no hero
oh don't you know
but i do know one thing
where you are is where i belong
where you go
i do know
that's where i belong

where are you going
with your beautiful face looking down
don't hide away
you are like an ocean
that i can't see but i can smell
and the sound of your waves coming down
i am no superman, that's for sure
i have no answers for you
i am no hero
not at all
but i do know one thing
where you are
is where i belong

where you are
i do know
is where i wanna be

we now interrupt this seattletripsummary for an update on amanda's matchmaking skills.

colin started hanging out with jane and i about a month before he went back to school. he was totally smitten with her, and...well...she thought he was pretty swell too. this past weekend, colin paid for jane to fly out and see him. now she's back, and they're both just a gross mess of smiles and giggles. they each agree that they've pretty much never felt like this about anyone before. it's cute as hell. i have to say i'm rather surprised at it - they're quite different. but they're both really happy, so i'm happy for them.

hopefully colin won't fuck up!

then there's megan and paul. i introduced them at a party(colin's going away party, actually), and they instantly hit it off. i hadnt been keeping up on the situation - i knew they went out for the first time a few weeks ago. but megan called me today. and her story is a bit more sad than the colinjane situation.

i guess when megan was 16, she got a nice little genital wart. had it removed...yadda yadda. never really educated herself, never really faced the fact. when she realized a few years ago that it was contagious, she informed everyone that she needed to.

well, she told paul about this friday, and apparently he didn't take to well to the news. they haven't talked since. and megan is really quite depressed about it, because she hasn't met anyone she really liked in a long time. paul....paul is a really good guy. so i'm sure he's freaked, seeing as she told him after he'd already gone down on her. but it's like she told me...it'd never really been an issue at all. and now it's biting her in the ass.

oh, the joys of being home again. ;)

but, DAMN, i do a good job of hooking people up. too bad i can't seem to apply the same skills to myself.

look for more of amanda moping about how lonely she is, coming soon to a blog near you.

so, where was i?

ah yes, OE night.

so the morning after(your half life wakes you up the morning after...fall down with me and roll around...) saw quite a bit of sleeping. after nate and i figured out how to unlock his bedroom door which mel had so graciously locked so he could steal the bed, we passed out until well into the following afternoon.

so that brings us to the final timmy show(for mel and i at least. nate and kyle went to another the next night.). got to the crocodile in time for soundcheck...yadda yadda...the buzz was that dave was going to be there. it was a buzz that we couldn't help but feed. kyle put "dave matthews +2" on the guest list...we stuck a sign that said "dave matthews is here" to the backstage door...quality entertainment for the evening. at one point, i counted 10 times that i heard someone say his name in about a 5 minute period. didn't really pay much attention to the show that night at all. it was way too crowded. what i remember most is coming back inside with mike, and having one of the door guys give me shit. he was telling me that i had to have a ticket, yadda yadda yadda...until someone else who worked there walked up and was like, "are you kidding me? don't you recognize her yet? she's been around the past few nights. she's with the crew, so don't give her anymore shit."

heh.

i was entertained.

i do have to say that it was pretty damned cool to just be able to come and go as i pleased...whereever i wanted, whenever i wanted, with pretty much whoever i wanted. didn't have to pay for admission at anything...yeah, that ruled.

but anyway. after that show, things really came together. everyone was in a really good mood, ,and we just kinda bummed around listening to timmy's stories. the little backstage room at the crockodile is covered in grafiti. we were commenting on it, just waiting for all the gear to be packed up. took some pictures. there should be a really good one that fluffy took of all of us with tim.

ltime for a little tiny side story. i first met fluffy in boulder...he was then serving as the tour manager for chris whitley, because timmy wasn't touring at the time. he was cool...we hung out a bit...he was informed that i am "the coolest girl ever," (which was sweet of kyle). but really, the shows we went to in OR and WA...he wouldn't make eye contact at all. whatever. no worries.

sooooo, it comes time to say goodbye. the OTHER tim gives us all guitar pics...they keep trying to pull timmy away, but he just keeps chatting. so then fluffy comes up and gives me a huge hug and kiss and reminds me that anytime i'm around for a show, to just let kyle know to put me on the guest list...

anyway. yeah. all kinds of tiny details that are just better left unsaid...

the drive home that night was cool. we listened to 12/8/93, and nate and i sat in the back seat, telling stories, singing along, and reminding each other how fucking cool the past few days had been.

that leg of the trip was an absolute blast. it was really a once in a lifetime kind of experience. i loved seeing the guys so immersed in their element...nate with his camera, mel setting up his gear. heh. i just find it so endearing.

lol. and the're pretty lucky i have no problem just chilling by myself, because there was definitely quite a few times when they were running around, checking on things when i just enjoyed the scene, talking to random people and just having fun by myself.

DAMN, it was fun.

and it seems like such a long time ago!

so i flew home wednesday night, went to school thursday, and then flew back friday.

you see...i'd been trying and trying to get a ticket to that damned groundwork thing. i tried EVERYTHING. i went through about 10 people from the message boards - the people would be all good to go, and then would stop replying to my emails. i used all of my "connections" and then some. i tried my uncle's friend at RCA. i even emailed the frickin warehouse in a final attempt. i looked at ebay.

i gave up.

and then i ended up with a pair of tickets. love how that works out. so...well...yeah. i had to be a spoiled bitch and fly back for it. because i really couldn't miss class last thursday - reviews for midterms. so i just crossed bridge school off of my list of things to go to, and added a return trip to seattle.

gotta cut it of right there.

friday october 5th...

i arrive. i'm stepping onto the "down" escalator, when i see mel walking towards said escalator. oops. too late. "uh...see ya downstairs!"

head over to the baggage claim, since mel doesn't seem to be coming down the escalator, and there's nate. let the weekend begin! we found some dive bar near the hotel where we went through 6 pitchers in about 2 hours, waiting for kyle's plane to get in. nate won $175 on a pull-tab lotto thingie. we annoyed everyone in the bar by playing most of uttad on the jukebox...DAMN, it was good to be back there.

we got back to mel's, and the games really began...and MAN, do we have the pictures to prove it. we got hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh(well, those of us not in the military) and just had a blast. perfect perfect perfect.

sautrday october 6th...

we went to portland. the mayer show was fanfuckingtastic. he sounds incredible with a band, and i was hella impressed. had a kick ass time dancing my ass off with lisa, who i just can't seem to say enough good things about. i was shouting "great indoors" pretty regularly, and mayer had a good time making fun of me. but he played it, so i win. nate and kyle missed most of the set, because they were at the other venue setting up their gear for timmy's show which wasn't set to start until 12...

after mayer's set, lisa, eric and i set off to find food. meanwhile nate and mel hung out with mayer and shot the shit, discussing dmb quite a bit from what i understand. they asked mayer if he was a fan of tim...he said yes...so they hooked mayer and all of his band members up with passes to the timmy show. i had a fantastic dinner complete with a good bottle of wine payed for by eric's company credit card. nice.

the venue was packed for timmy...it was kinda strange to walk in, and see mayer hanging out with a beer in hand. he kinda nodded to mel, and i looked the other way. i know the guy thinks i'm stalking him. kyle was on stage with his gazillion dollar camera, nate was taking pictures like a mad man, so mel pulled me outside and we proceeded to walk around downtown portland, smoking a joint, talking to bums, and having some pretty deep conversations. not like...depressing deep conversations, just really really drunk/stoned fill-in-the-blanks-of-our-lives kinda conversations. we ended up lost as all hell, and everyone we asked for directions told us something different.

i have never seen two more intoxicated people wandering the streets of a city.

oh wait. yes i have. me and mel in boulder. but whatever. it was pretty damned fun, just wandering and laughing our asses off, talking to random people and noticing that we kept passing the same homeless guys...

point is, we got back to the venue and realized that when we first noticed we were "lost," we had actually only been about a block away. good job us.

timmy is really quite incredible. he is a god among guitar players as far as i'm concerned. after 3 vodka & tonics, 5 or 6 beers, 2 glasses of wine, and a joint, i was in prime form to take in the last half hour of his set which was completely off the hook. absolutley amazing. you need to hear it. drum machines...pedals...wow. timmy is a rock god.

hung out afterwards, as usual, waiting for the boys to take down their gear. it was so weird to see this little teeeeeny tiny guy in a silver popcorn jacket who is such a legend in the eyes of any dmb fan...just...hanging out with us...yeah.

and that was only the first of 3 timmy shows. just got better from there.

anyway...we went to our hotel(with a room a few doors down from the man)...there was a lot of drunken babble, and i do believe there were some chips. yes, yes. lots of chips. and then there was sleeping three to a bed. have i mentioned lately how glad i am that i've learned to sleep through nate's snoring? it's quite the accomplishment.

anyway...on to night two.

night two saw us at the crockodile in seattle for another mayer show. the night before, mayer had asked us to tape using that gazillion dollar camera i previously mentioned. he really hooked us up as far as access goes. when i say "us" i really mean "them" but whatever. i'm part of the group, yo. really.

so we showed up early(for the love of GOD i had to pee by the time we got to the parking lot. i NEVER complain, and i was complaining like none other. so what happens? we get out of the car, and i NEED to go to the venue, and the boys just pop over to the corners of the parking lot and start to pee. so i start running to the venue by myself. and this sketchy guy starts walking with me and freaks me out, so i turn around and go back for protection. but whatever. side story.) and set up...yadda yadda...yet another completely amazing show. i'm so proud of that boy. *sniff sniff* and i remember when i saw him in tucson way back when when i was one of 2 people in the audience who knew the words. heh. and i was also about one tenth of the audience for that matter.

so...show ends...we stay to take the gear down...david labruyewhatever is funny as hell, and starts playing with fruit and a stethescope or something and making up stories...nate is bound and determined that i'm going to have my picture taken with john...so he comes walking up to say hey, and nate is like "hey, could i get you to pose for a picture with my friend amanda?" and john is like "oooooh, yes. so we meet again." and shakes my hand, we pose, nate clicks...damn, it's a cute picture if i do say so myself. i've got it on my desktop right now. if you want to see, just ask.

so yadda yadda, the band and john all say goodbye and thanks. i walk around and tear down like 6 posters to bring back to friends...john writes some guy's phone number and email addie on one of them, who i later learn is some big dave manager or something or other(yeah, i totally remember important details. couldnt' even tell you the guys name. michael something?).

word word word. i'm getting really sick of writing about this, which means i'm leaving things out, which means i'm gonna stop. because i've still got 2 more timmy shows to get through and a bunch of other shite.

now i'll edit more in. :)

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. on with the story!!
monday monday. 'nother timmy show, different venue. i did not have a good time. :) but oh well, it was bound to happen some time. i won't even go into it.

hilights of this show? we were there in plenty of time to set up for the soundcheck. cool to just experience the vibe with timmy putzing around onstage, having conversations with his tour manager and others in the venue. mel set up his mikes...on tim's mic stand. heh. i started off the show sitting to the side of the stage. it was strange. we were behind this little "gate" to the backstage area. people kept asking us if dave would be there(becky and i)...then these two girls came back who really annoyed me, so i decided to go out into the crowd again. yadda yadda...

MAN i was not in a good mood by the time the show was over. i was miserable. and i get veeeeeeeeery quiet when i'm in a bad mood. it was great.

went upstairs and listened to timmy ramble about random things...funny, funny guy.

made a stop for alcohol on the way back to nate's. i had decided at this point that my mood had gone on long enough, and made a decision to say fuck it and change it. nate and i deemed it necessary to drink 40's that night. old english. aaaaaaaw yeah. kyle picked up a 32 oz corona and a bottle of boons, and...i don't remember what mel was drinking. we started playing drinking games, and all i know is that about 20 minutes later, nate and i were flat out plastered. those 40's are some effective mofo's! my mood was cured.

i have seen the pictures from that night, and let me tell you - they are BAD. well, good. but bad. evidently i had the hiccups, and they were feeding me spoonfulls of peanut butter...and we all ended up dancing around the appartment with wigs and chinese hats on...

good times, good times.

uh.
well.
hm.

yeah, i'm stuck in my typical post-trip rut. a particularly bad one, mind you, that is magnified by the fact that i'm tired and have to answer 20 short essay questions and study for a spanish midterm and read 100 pages and write a 1 page essay. it's also maginified by the fact that i have so much to think about, and i can't until tomorrow night.

the trip was fantastic, though. don't know what i did to deserve this life...

look for the adventures of amanda with timmy, mayer and groundwork soon.

sitting up in the "balcony" at the crocodile sunday night(we convinced everyone there - including security - that we were with the crew and that they weren't to allow any unauthorized people up there...which...well, we pretty much WERE crew, or at least that's how i was identified by the door guys...but anyway...more on that later...), john opened with "why georgia." i quickly explained to nate that it was my moddo song of the moment.

"am i living it right?"

nate looked at me and said "yes, you are" and gave me a big hug.

and i couldn't agree with him more.

something that isn't that cool: when you only have 6 channels and 3 of them are airing the same infomercial.

for the love of god, people.

i DID get a lot of reading done tonight. go me! and i printed out more to take on the plane with me. i'm not going to take my discman or any leisure-type reading, so hopefully i'll forcee myself to do homework. god knows i've been slacking off enough as it is, and missing this upcoming tuesday isn't going to help matters at all.

i have a really bad peter cetera song going through my head right now.

i really wish there was something i could talk about right now besides how fucking excited i am.

i'm just...so damned excited!!!!

i'll be in seattle in just about 24 hours.

tomorrow's gonna be one hella long day.

matt's in the process of going through his routine flip-out before i leave town. he's taking the fact that i won't go out with him and everyone else tonight extremely personally. he always worries that i'm going to forget him, and when i fly off to see my "other" friends, he dishes out a double dose of guilt trips(which never actually work). he'll get over it. again.

i need to do sooooo much homework between now and the time i leave.

anyone wanna place bets on how much i'll do?

i feel it very important to let the wonderful people over at Jimmy Dean's know just how important it is to me that i can purchase sausage that can be prepared in under a minute.

woo.fucking.hoo.

yeah, nancies is pretty much just gross right now. i mean, of course it's keeping me entertained because of the sheer stupidity of people with obviously small dicks, but come ON. peace, man! love!

we want a pitcher!
not a belly itcher!!

that really had no relevance to anything, but...yeah. like i care.

ummmmmmmmmmm.

i.
just.
want.
to leave.
NOW.

there's that damned dmb at msg on nye rumor again.

damnation.

not something that i really need to be thinking about without absolute confirmation that it's actually going to happen. because if it does...oh MAN. ooooooooooooooh man. good god almighty, the freaks invading nyc for nye? nyc nye dmb? dmb nye nyc?

great googly moogly.

love only matters
when you don't have it
only if you give it away

what, dave?
little improve in the everyday outro?

oogh. i need to go to class. but i really don't wanna. but i need to. this is a constant struggle with me. but i didn't do the homework, and i don't feel like sitting and listening to him lecture on art history. it's a frickin soc class, yo.

oh my. dmb. nye.

bah.

someone wake me up when we have confirmation?

i'm feeling especially spastic today...

i guess at the UA/wash U game on saturday night, the band played ants during halftime. sources tell me that they gave a nice little intro saying that there was a band that was formed 10 years ago that had changed the face of music history, and that they were going to play a song in tribute to that band.

just a little tid bit for ya.

(ok, yes. i'm procrastinating. big time.)

fuck fuck fuck a duck
screw a kangaroo
finger band an oranguetang
support your local zoo!!

anyway...
i just met with an advisor. it's really a risk to make the decision to meet with an advisor at UA because it is not unheard of for them to completely fuck people over as far as misadvising. they sometimes don't know what they're doing. and they're confusing as all get out.

but anyway. met with one. she pointed out that i could graduate next fall semester if i worked at it. she also strongly advised against taking a semester off.

this has given me a lot to think about as far as my little jaunt to seattle for 6 months next semester goes. i mean...gerg. i'd have to take like 20 credits the next two semesters if i do want to get out a year from now. however, i'd been planning all along to graduate in may of 2003, which i'd still be able to do if i took a semester off. easily.

but i just...
gerg.
i don't know.
i'm gonna have to talk this one out this weekend with those seattle boys. nate's really been pushing me this semester, trying to get me to focus on school, and he keeps reminding me how important it is. so strange to have someone like that...most people just let me do whatever the hell i want! and mel... well mel always has good advice, even though i know he's biased on this matter.

we shall see, oh yes we shall.

in other news - jane is going to see colin the 12th. oh my, this cracks me the hell up. my best friend and one of my best girlfriends. they're so smitten with eachother, it's gross. jane is using me as an example, and just packing up and going. and i have to say i'm proud of her. i have no clue if it'll work between them, but i see the smiles they put on eachothers faces, and there just can't be nothin wrong with that!

hi. my name is amanda.

i'm going to go projectile vomit now. :)