oh for the love of god, if everyone could just feed off this passion that he expresses so incredibly well, we would all be ok.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was referring to Jason Mraz.

i just wrote a really good journal entry.  the jist of it was this:

you are such a piece of shit.  you are such a piece of shit.  you are such a piece of shit.

seriously. piece of shit.

i really just wanna know what is wrong with you!  you are such a piece of shit!

my karma must be more fucked than i think it is.

you are such a piece of shit.

 

i mean, i'm not at all in anything close to a murderous rage here.  i'm actually kind of chuckling. but some people! WHY are they such incredible failures of human beings! it's just so SAD!

 

i seriously truly with all my heart love my job.  and it sure as hell ain't the actual job itself.  it's the people.  the people are just amazing.  i am a huge fucking sponge just sopping up all of their goo all the time, and for once i don't mean that in any kind of sexual way.  i've had them make lists of their top albums, and i'm listening to them.  i'm borrowing books from them and discussing politics with them and sources for information.  i'm comparing life stories and perspectives and adding taking and just licking it all up like a big ol' cone of breyer's mint chocolate chip.

yes, it has to be breyers.  no other compares.

seriously.  has anyone heard of mr. bungle?  california is a fucking great cd.  and why had i never heard revolver before?  add to that the fact that due to my lovely neighbors i got to listen to it for the first time on vinyl...love.  absolute love.

so as i said.  i love my job.  which is a good thing because it sure is rough on my knees and i'm definitely not making enough money to get by.

or maybe that makes it a bad thing...hmm....

i am so frickin glad i get to carry on with my tradition of going to the bay area every year for dmb.  fuckers had me worried for a little bit!
 
here's to year 6!

we found the peace in all of the shadows
long enough to see that monster die...




so have you ever really thought about what would actually happen if more people were just flat out true to themselves?

it's pretty beautiful. give it a whirl.

a blog entry, a blog entry...what do I write about here again? Because right now it seems that it’s way too public a forum for so much yet at the same time in all actuality, you guys have so small a picture of what’s going on that it might make the reading better.

more mysterious maybe?

No?

Ok, well whatever. I tried.

In any case, I’m in the most delightful haze right now. Mraz totally taking over my brain. Really the only better thought I could have would be Mraz taking over my body, so I guess it’s a good thing.

In any case.

Have you ever just seen a male so attractive that it makes you actually respond out loud? I mean, it really startles you. When the lighting is just right and the angle you pop around the corner from is just perfect and they stand there(or sit or lie, whatever) and you have this breath intake and this heart stopping that is just...completely exhilarating. The colors he’s wearing make his skin look so wonderfully tangible and his eyes have this cliche glow and the whole picture just goes together sooooo well.

Now, here’s the next question. Do you have that happen with guys you don’t know at all? Or are you usually the type to only have that response to someone you know, so you understand what’s propelling that amazing vision forward?

Heh.

Wow, writing that was highly entertaining to me. Damn. Imagine living with me. My poor roommate gets more analytical babble like that than anyone on the fucking earth. In all actuality, we both get a kick for it, but I think it might also cause us to be way more crazy than we already are.

Oh, and Jennifer? That Mraz song that you love so fully with all of your soul? Yeah, I completely understand. I spend hours walking around the galleries at work singing it in my head over and over. Or our loud, depending on where I actually am. It is an unbelievable song. It makes you breathe differently.

and now, my friends, it is time to give you some insight into my brain by posting random blurbs from my journal. again, there will be no sense of when any of this happened and no order, but sometimes vagueness is fun, right?


And as I was commenting earlier, all I really want to do is drink wine. Well, ok, not “Do,” but consume. Screw food and any other drink. It just sounds right now like it would perfectly hydrate and nourish me. Isn’t that strange? So anyway, I ate some grapes. Granted they were green instead of the preferred purple, but what are you gonna do? Sure can’t drink the wine, gotta go to work in a little bit.


when you give in and just accept someone and have absolutely no holds barred sex with them...

Tasty.

****...apparently intrigues the hell out of me. How does this happen? And I mean that on a pretty large scale. I mean what draws someone to someone? Is it physical? I mean, I know everyone’s either got to be totally smitten with him too, or else they know something I don’t know. But he just really interests me. Figuring out how he works. Equally as lovely a challenge is somehow getting who I am across to him. And he’s just so pretty. He’s just a gorgeous looking man. I can actually visualize his face, which is so rare for me. Like...clearly see all the details in my mind’s eye.

which brings me to another strange thing, and that is that ***’s face is like that too. And it’s rare for people like that to come along at all, let alone 2 in so close a period. I was thinking maybe it’s because I see them so much. Which is true for ****. But ***...really it’s been pretty few times. His just strikes me though. It sticks with me because I just love that face.


I apparently really need ******* to come back to work and for me to see him way more often because I want to get to know him. He intrigues me as well. Got that same mystery about him that **** does.

And don’t ask me what gives them more mystery than anyone else. For the love of god, am I really just a sucker for a good looking boy with a guitar.

Oh man. **** playing today. And softly kind of humming around. I just realized he probably actually was tooling around with a song right there, and the humming was the makings of lyrics and melody.

heh, even if that’s not the case it’s still fucking cool. Nobody better rain on that parade.

Yeah, I need more options. But I do love how I fixate. I mean seriously, one moment it’s one guy, another it’s the next. It’s so fucking nice to have this variety around.


hm. In any case. Interesting stuff is apparently going on in the world and I’m so absolutely engrossed in my little tiny world here. And I don’t feel guilty, but I need to get my shit together and affect some change. On some level more cohesive than the one I’m on right now.

to all of my dearest friends:

magical things are happening. And my viewing of the gorge dvd(while I didn’t finish it) makes that so clear and so concrete, even if it’s a show that happened 2 years ago. It’s an amazing dvd. That was an amazing concert. That venue is just unbelievable, and the chemistry it creates between our band and us is just out of control.

To those of you who know and understand, I cannot fucking wait until this year. To those of you who haven’t gone, you’d better get your asses in gear and join in because gorge weekend is a weekend unlike any other(hello, Tucson friends. Go out and buy the fucking dvd and watch and see just why it is you can’t miss this GREGSHELLIEJEREMYADEN).

I cannot wait.

In any case, it was just a big rush of memories and laughter and smiles. I need to get to a show horribly badly. It’s the strangest need, because it’s ridiculously powerful and it actually makes me itch. We’l lsee what happens with that though.