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Which OS are You?


this code doesn't work. why do i feel like someone is trying to make a fool of me? oh well. it said i was windows XP. yeehaw.

*tragic sigh*

just got an email from a friend of mine from here that just moved to portland.

oh, how i miss it.

the northwest is having like...it's wettest season ever. seattle is at 152% of their normal rainfall for this time of year. and meanwhile i'm stuck here where it's fucking sunny and in the 80's every god damned day.

grrr.

ok, i'm getting so many interesting articles and all kinds of stuff through an arizona activist mailing list i joined. and every time i run across something that really makes me think, i wanna post it here. but right now there's like 3 articles i have, and i'm not posting all of them.

pretty much, what i'm saying is if you're interested in me forwarding you this stuff(not too much, just stuff that i find profound in some way), email me at amanda@justdmb com or tell me or something or other and i will. i just don't like forwarding it to people who might not be interested.

word.

AP World Politics
Thu Jan 30,12:29 PM ET
By JAPAN MATHEBULA, Associated Press Writer
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - Former President Nelson Mandela on Thursday called U.S. President George W. Bush (news - web sites)arrogant and shortsighted and implied he was racist for ignoring the United Nations (news - web sites) in his zeal to attack Iraq. Mandela urged the people of the United States to join massive protests against Bush and called on world leaders, especially those with vetoes in the U.N. Security Council, to unite to oppose him. "One power with a president who has no foresight and cannot think properly, is now wanting to plunge the world into a holocaust," Mandela said in a speech to the International Women's Forum.
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer (news - web sites) responded to Mandela's criticism by pointing to a letter by eight European leaders reiterating their support of Bush.

"The president expresses his gratitude to the many leaders of Europe who obviously feel differently" than Mandela, Fleischer said. "He understands there are going to be people who are more comfortable doing nothing about a growing menace that could turn into a holocaust."

U.N. weapons inspectors said Monday they needed more time to determine whether Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Meanwhile, Bush weighed setting a deadline for the nation to prove it had disarmed. Many countries, including France and Germany, have signaled their unhappiness with Bush's Iraq policy. A Nobel Peace Prize winner, Mandela has repeatedly condemned U.S.
behavior toward Iraq in recent months and demanded Bush respect the authority of the United Nations. His comments Thursday, though, were far more critical and his attack on Bush far more personal than in the past.

"Why is the United States behaving so arrogantly?" he asked. "All that (Bush) wants is Iraqi oil," he said.

He accused Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair (news - web sites) of undermining the United Nations and U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan(news - web sites), who is from Ghana. "Is it because the secretary-general of the United Nations is now a
black man? They never did that when secretary-generals were white," he said.

Mandela said the United Nations was the main reason there has been no World War III and it should make the decisions on how to deal with Iraq.

The United States, which callously dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, had no moral authority to unilaterally police the world, he said.

"If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don't care for human beings," he said. "Who are they now to pretend that they are the policemen of the world, the ones that should decided for the people of Iraq what should be done with their government and their leadership?" he said.

He said Bush was "trying to bring about carnage" and appealed to the American people to vote him out of office and demonstrate against his policies. Mandela also criticized Iraq for not cooperating fully with the weapons inspectors and said South Africa would support any action against Iraq that was supported by the United Nations. He also condemned Blair for his strong support of the United States. "He is the foreign minister of the United States. He is no longer prime minister of Britain," he said.

i was thinking about whether or not my stance on the war issue would change if i had some solid evidence of all these allegations that the president and co. have thrown out. some hardcore facts. and i honestly don't yet know the answer to that.

but one thing really rang true with me. there are people who still really trust our government. they trust the president and co. when they tell us something, they don't have a need for proof or reasoning, they just trust that the government will do what is in our best interest.

i don't even have a concept of that trust right now. it's not even an afterthought. i never stopped to realize that they might have "proof" but just can't share it with us for whatever reason. i just don't trust what they tell me at all.

that's horrible.

forget about being guilty, we are innocent instead
for soon we will all find our lives swept away

(and you know how it is)

so last night, my mom was in that same strange mood i blogged about earlier. but add to this the fact that she somehow felt it necessary to go out and drink a few martinis on an empty stomach...oh boy.

she couldn't stop talking about my brother. she kept crying. she was talking to me about that period two years ago when he was first admitted to the hospital, and flashing back on specific visits we had with him and all these terrible, horrible things that i really just don't think about because it's still way too fresh and way too painful. and i know it's even more so for her. when your child is in pain, all you want in the world is to be able to do all the suffering for them.

i never really talk about all the went down with my brother. i guess my online friends got more of it than anyone else, because it's so much easier to type and write about horrors than actually discuss them with people. i'm still amazed at how clueless most of my friends are about it...because i just didn't talk about it. it's nearly impossible to convey the horrors of watching your brother go through psychotic episode after psychotic episode...visiting him in mental hospitals where you can physically see panic attacks sweep over him, where he questions why you can't just read his mind and where he asks you if he's going to hell and if you have spoken to the aliens who visited him last night.

i mean, it's stuff that is just comical to the average person. but it's pretty much the most horrifying thing you can witness when it involves someone you love. god...for that first year, my mom would burst into tears every time anyone would ask about him. or any time she spoke about him. it was just a horrible horrible time for us. and because people's understanding of schitzophrenia is so limited, it becomes worthless to talk to them about it because then you have to explain all these little details, and....yeah.

still to this day i'm amazed at how many misconceptions there are. this is not a behavioral problem. it's not multiple personality disorder. if you were to have a mental hospital divided by floor, from least serious mental illness to most serious, it would go something along the lines of mild depression at the bottom, eating disorders somewhere in the middle, and schitzophrenia at the very top. this illness completely robs the person of reality. they can't grasp it. and newer studies are finding a larger problem: there is a part of the brain in schitzophrenics that is defective that doesn't allow them to recognize that they have the disease. same thing happens in people who have strokes - the dr. will ask them to raise their left arm, and they'll think they did, because this part of their brain is telling them they did. but they didn't. and it makes it even *more* difficult to get the patients to accept treatment.

anyway. what was my point? i don't know. just hearing her talk about it last night made me realize how not ready i am to think about that period of my life. luckily, i dealt with it exceedingly well, as i have a way of compartamentalizing stress so it doesnt effect my every day life...but when i get too close to these memories it makes me really really uncomfortable.

hm.
i'm so frickin bored, i'm watching celebrity mole. never have before, and i can't say as i'm being convinced i need to ever watch it again. what happened to ABC? it's such a shite network now.

not that i can think of an instance where it was really on top of the game...maybe back in the full house years? full house and family matters and hangin' with mr. cooper...TGIF!!!

i was reading through old blogs today because i clearly have nothing more productive to do...i used to be funny.

and reading through the entries from those first few weeks that i lived in seattle was weird. i can still sense that head space that i was in, but it seems like so long ago. but it was only one year! but again, i feel myself just waiting...waiting for things to fall in place. being as proactive as i can be about it, yet feeling like there's something else i should be doing.


my mom is wiggin out lately. she is really irritable and sometimes acts like she just might be on crack(though she's not. don't get carried away, kids.). she thinks her anti depressant levels are off. i don't know. maybe it's pre-menopause? heh. but it's really rubbing off on the dog. and i can't deal with a jittery dog who wants in and out all day.

not burger. just inside and outside.

inside outside upside down.

BLAH.

"life still begins in the womb, cocky erections still collapse and lie useless when woman's superior sexuality is finished with them, but men control the divine channels now, and while that control may be largely an illusion, their laws, institutions and elaborate weaponry exist primarily to maintain it"
-tom robbins

"not only is religion divisive and oppressive, it is also a denial of all that is divine in people; it is a suffocation of the soul."
-tom robbins

"as soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss."
-noam chomsky

"i'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
-e e cummings

"you must not lose faith in humanity. humanity is an ocean; if a few drops are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."
-gandhi

ugh.

so i registered with a temp agency on thursday, and yesterday they called with a position for me...it's at a company i'm really familiar with, mostly because i've had several friends who have worked there, most of whom have had less than good experiences while employed there. so i went into the interview kinda hoping that my track record of being offered the position for every interview i've gone on would be broken...

not 5 minutes after i got home the temp agency called and told me they'd offered me the job. so i told her about my misgivings...mainly that i've had 3 friends who've worked there who have not only dealt with managers promising raises and such and going back on it, and an all together bad experience with the other people they worked with, coupled with the fact that it took me 40 minutes to get there today and i passed 2 accidents along the way...and she said she wouldn't feel comfortable placing me there if i have a bad feeling about it, and that they've been placing people there for years and that opinions have been very mixed.

dammit. i feel guilty though. not to mention the fact that it was a steady, 40 hour a week job with good pay. she told me not to worry about it and that something else would come up soon...but...BLECH. i just feel guilty. and i'm *not* picky when it comes to jobs, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way. and and AND you should've seen the space i'd have been working in. this tiny tiny tiny little space behind a desk that i'd have to share with another person, who was less than friendly when i was introduced to her.

ew ew ew.

but i feel so bad! aaaah!

ohohoh. AND aden works there, at another location, and his dad is the senior designer(it's a pool company) and when i mentioned that i was good friends with aden, my interviewer person says "oh yeah. he's got a bit of an ego for a boy his age." ???

god i hope i made the right decision.

please please please let something else come my way.

BAH. i feel bad!

"The UN inspectors have found nothing that is an actual component of a weapon of mass destruction. If you want a weapon of mass destruction you have to go to Israel with its 400 nuclear weapons, which from its current actions in the Gaza strip is provably a threat to other people in the Mideast. Israel, it must be noted, stands in defiance of more UN Resolutions than Iraq is. "
----------------------------
Quotes from Blix's report on Iraq:
(compare with media spin machine; CNN sent this "breaking news" email:Iraq has not fully cooperated with arms inspections, chief weapons inspector Hans Blix says, and U.N. team is stepping up efforts.)

"I turn now, Mr. President, to the key requirement of cooperation and Iraq's response to it. Cooperation might be said to relate to both substance and process. It would appear from our experience so far that Iraq has decided in principle to provide cooperation on process, notably access.

"A similar decision is indispensable to provide cooperation on substance in order to bring the disarmament task to completion through the peaceful process of inspection and to bring the monitoring task on a firm course.

"An initial minor step would be to adopt the long overdue legislation required by the resolutions.

"I shall deal first with cooperation on process. In this regard, it has regard to the procedures, mechanisms, infrastructure and practical
arrangements to pursue inspections and seek verifiable disarmament. While the inspection is not built on the premise of confidence, but may lead to confidence if it is successful, there must nevertheless be a measure of mutual confidence from the very beginning in running the operation of inspection. Iraq has, on the whole, cooperated rather well so far with UNMOVIC in this field.

"The most important point to make is that access has been provided to all sites we have wanted to inspect. And with one exception, it has been [without] problems. We have further had a great help in building up the infrastructure of our office in Baghdad and the field office in Mosul. Arrangements and services for our plane and our helicopters have been good.

"The environment has been workable. Our inspections have included universities, military bases, presidential sites and private residences. Inspections have also taken place on Fridays, the Muslim day of rest, on Christmas Day and New Year's Day. These inspections have been conducted in the same manner as all other inspections. We seek to be both effective and correct. "

Source: http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/01/27/sprj.irq.transcript.blix/index.html

www.truthout.org. just a followup to something i posted the other day.

fire
the sun is well asleep
the moon is high above
a fire grows from the east
how is this hate so deep
lead us all so blindly
killing, killing
fools are we if hate's the gate to peace
this is the last stop
for raining tears

war
the only way to peace
well i don't fall for that
raining tears

you're righteous so righteous so righteous
you're always so right
go ahead and dream
go ahead believe that you are the chosen one

oh no
gracious even god
bloodied on the cross
your sins are washed enough
mother's cry
is hate so deep
must my baby's bones this hungry fire feed
smoke clouds roll in
symphony of death
this is the last stop
scream

right is wrong now
shut up you big lie
this black and white lie
you comb your hair to hide your lying eyes

you're righteous, so righteous so righteous
you're always so right
but why you lie
go ahead and dream
go ahead believe that we are the chosen ones

this is the last stop

here there's more than is showing up
and i hope that we can break it down
it's not so black and white

you're righteous
you're righteous
you're righteous
you're always so right
there you are nailing a good tree
and then say forgive me, forgive me
why

if you really wanna get me a birthday present, this is exactly what i've been looking for for a while now.

it took all of my willpower tonight not to just ignore my sickness and go out anyway. i hate staying home when i don't want to be home. and when i have like 3 options of things to do. i got home from dinner and had 6 voicemails. but the ones that really got to me were the ones from freaky friends who were off in their respecitive cities, drinking with their respective freaky friends...and i suddenly just wanted to go out so that i wouldn't think of who i wanted to be with and where i wished i was...

but i didnt give in. i need to get better. so i'm gonna go watch a movie and go to bed and hope i'm better tomorrow because i AM doing something, even though i could care less about the frickin superbowl.

amen.

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all

why am i sick again?

i go like 2 years without getting sick and now it's been like a month between snotfests!!! seriously, immune system. you gotta sharpen up. the annoying part is i'm probably "living healthier" now than ever before. eating "right", exercizing every day, drinking "enough" water and smoking less weed than i have in the past 5 years or so and really limiting my cigarettes.

i know they say weed supresses your immune system, but i think it's a big fat lie. because anytime i've been sick in the past, i just get stoned one night and the next day it's gone.

but i'm not trying that now.

in any case, it's supposed to be 78 today. 76 yesterday. 75 tomorrow. and the last thing i wanna do is lay around inside. but i can't stop sleeping!

and yesterday i made lemon bars and perhaps the best spaghetti sauce ever. you see what being sick does? makes me throw the whole "eating right" thing out the window.

and i'm supposed to do some shot-drinking competition with some silly boy on monday night.

and i registered with a temp agency on thursday. they didn't believe me when i said i type 80 wpm. boy did i prove them wrong.

and good god in dmb land, please please please be gracious and loving and bestoweth on me some dave and tim tickets. because if it all works out, i am headed for the week of my life. forget the A team. forget the fab four. what we've got planned beats it all.

man, i miss my dmb kids. i think that week in cincy did terrible things for my need to not be so distanced from everyone. if i could stomach the thought of living in the land that time forgot, i'd move there in a flash. the ingrained racism of that area really seriously gives me a headache though. so instead of moving close, i'm gonna move farther(read: back to washington) because i found a school there that excites the hell out of me.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

i really need a boyfriend.

or just a good fuck buddy. one or the other.

not saying i agree or disagree with this or even how i feel about it at all, but i think it's interesting. go here

i ended up spending a lot of time with johnny tonight. it was really fun. it's so strange though...to hang out with someone who knew you better than anyone else for so long and then dissapeared from your life for a few years. because he still knows so much about me, and we have this instinctive connection that didn't go anywhere. but now there's so many stories to tell of our adventures from the past few years... it's weird to hear him say "you would have loved this..." or "this guy would have been perfect for you..."

not that i'm saying we're gonna become all chummy again. but it's good to be around him and feel comfortable and see that while he's changed, he's still the same spazz he always was. we still harmonize in the car, he makes strange random noises, and i keep track of his stuff for him. good times.

you've gotta leave me now
you've gotta go alone
you've gotta chase a dream
one that's all your own
before it slips away

when you're flying high
take my heart along
i'll be the harmony to every lonely song
that you learn to play

when you're soaring through the air
i'll be your solid ground
take every chance you dare
i'll still be there
when you come back down

i'll keep looking up
awaiting your return
my greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
and i won't feel your fire

i'll be the other hand that always holds the line
connecting in between your sweet heart and mine
i'm strung out on that wire

i'll be on the other end
to hear you when you call
angel you were born to fly
and if you get too high
i'll catch you when you fall

you memory is the sunshine every new day brings
and now the sky is calling
angel let me help you with your wings

when you're soaring through the air
i'll be your solid ground
take every chance you dare
i'll still be there
when you come back down


*sigh*

that song gives me chills every single time i listen to it. shit...a lot of their songs do. i'm lovin nickel creek so damned much these days...

i just watched "signs."

that movie was one 2 hour panic attack for me. seriously. couldn't breathe. hell, i couldn't even watch most of the time. it was absolutley pathetic, and MAN am i glad it's over and i never have to watch it again.

oh, and i'm really glad i saw it at home and not in the theater. it just really fucked with my head.

in other news, i also rented sex in the city season 3 volume 3, and i didn't know that there were 2 consecutive episodes with matthew mconnecantspellthelastnamebutstillwannafuckim and vince vaughn(who definitely makes my top 3 list). very nice, very nice.

now i'm going to watch battle of the sexes and try to forget about that stupid movie.

megan says to me today, " you know, you're the only person i know who doesn't have any baggage!"

i laughed. hard. a lot. but hey, at least that means i'm covering it up well.

i got REALLY drunk last night. man. i had what i think really was the first hangover of my life this morning. and now i'm completely stupid. i had 5 shots of tequilla and 2 margaritas in about a 45 minute time span. then about an hour later i had...some more shots.

and i just remembered we were smoking resin.

wow.

and when i went to jane's room to, um, lay down for a bit, aden came in and was singing pink floyd songs in my ear.

oh god. and i think there might have been dancing. wow. i think we danced to "mary jane's last dance" about 4 times. and we sang a lot of howie. and i don't even wanna know how much drunk dialing i did. from the sound of it so far i called 3 different people 3 or 4 times each.

wow.

it's a bit foggy.

i'm gonna have to make some calls and figure out what happened.

ok. this war thing is really bothering me. sadam speaking out is bothering me. more troops being sent out of san diego is bothering me. small pox vaccines starting next week is bothering me too.

bothered, bothered, bothered.

and no, there's no HOT in that bothered.

i figured there might be some small chance tucson had some kind of march going on saturday, though i doubted it. so i asked paul if anything was going on and he grabbed my hand and kissed it and said yes.

meeting at his house at 9am.

i feel really good about this.

in other news, 3x5 made me cry a little on the way home. it never ceases to amaze me how your "worst case scenario" can come true right in front of your eyes. and i always seem to forget just how much it hurts.

i was just gonna post part of this fairly long email, but i can't pick and choose. here's the whole thing. i know it's really hard not to just play ignorant and ignore what's going on in the world today, specifically with bush's war games with iraq. but it is so important to stay informed. war today would be unlike anything we've ever seen. i know i'm not alone when i say that if one nuclear bomb drops, there will most certainly be others to follow. we cannot take that. we're also facing threats of bioterrorism and chemical terrorism. and while i'd love to place blame on bush and his croonies for leading us into this position, that's bullshit. it's the average american's fault. if we go to war, it will be the fault of every person reading this. why? because we, believe it or not, live in a society where the regular citizens have power. but since our society has become so unbelievably ignorant and ambivilant towards what's going on in the world ("it doesn't effect me, why should i care") we've given up that power. and it's really frusterating and disgusting, because believe me - should this war happen - it WILL affect your life. be it the length or the quality, you will feel the effects.

*stepping off my soap box*

so anyway. yeah. the email.


Dear MoveOn member,

Today's the day. Today we're launching a hard-hitting TV ad across the nation to underline our key message: "Let the Inspections Work."

In December, we asked members to contribute $27,000 for a print ad in the New York Times. Within days, we had more than $400,000 committed to our ad campaign. This allowed us to do several print ads, including an ad in USA Today. To follow up, we ran a radio ad created by Betsey Binet, one of our members. But once we saw the avalanche of support, we knew it was time to go to TV.

Over the holidays, we worked on the spot you'll see today. Our goal is to underline the risk of war and we've created a piece intended to provoke discussion and controversy. Without further ado, you can view the ad on the main page of our website at:
http://www.moveon.org

The ad is airing on TV stations in Washington, DC, Los Angeles,San Francisco, Philadelphia, Chicago, Dallas, Miami, Boston,Minneapolis, Phoenix, Cleveland, Portland and Seattle. The ad buy is largely on cable networks, and will show heavily on public interest shows on channels such as CNN and MSNBC for the next week. At 10am today in each of these media markets, MoveOn volunteers will be running press conferences for the local media.

The press has already shown a great deal of interest in this story. Dan Rather broke the story last night, and Eli will be appearing on Good Morning America this morning. I've attached below an Associated Press story that's just hit the wire.

The big story that's gathering steam is just how mainstream and broad the opposition to war is, as highlighted today in a Boston
Globe article I've also excerpted below. That's exactly our intent with this ad. And just to drive the point home, more than 7,000
MoveOn members will be visiting more than 500 congressional offices across the county next Tuesday.

Please stay tuned. And thanks everyone,

- The MoveOn Team
Carrie, Eli, Joan, Peter, Randall, Wes and Zack
January 16th, 2002

P.S. By the way, for the congressional meetings this coming Tuesday we asked for your help to get another 30,000 signatures and hit the 200,000 mark. In 24 hours, you've given us three times what we asked for -- we've gotten another 90,000, putting us well over a quarter-million. You don't just hit our goals, you shatter them. Thanks.
_______________

Excerpt from AP article

ANTI-WAR GROUP REVIVES "DAISY" AD CAMPAIGN
January 15, 2003

By IAN STEWART
Associated Press Writer

Revisiting one of the most effective television commercials in the annals of U.S. politics, a grassroots anti-war group has produced a remake of the "Daisy" ad, warning that a war against Iraq could spark nuclear Armageddon.

The provocative 30-second commercial - released to the media Wednesday and appearing in 12 major U.S. cities on Thursday at a cost of $400,000, was prepared with the help of thousands of donations to the Internet-based group MoveOn.org.

The original Daisy ad aired only once, during the 1964 presidential race. Produced by the campaign of incumbent Lyndon B. Johnson, it depicted a 6-year-old girl plucking petals from a daisy - along with a missile launch countdown and then a nuclear mushroom cloud. The suggestion was that if elected president, Republican Barry Goldwater might lead the United States to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union. Goldwater lost by a wide margin.

The 2003 version follows the same format, with an added montage of scenes of military escalation: burning oil wells, tanks in the battlefield, wounded soldiers, chaotic protests in a foreign city and an ambulance racing through U.S. streets. Then, a similar
mushroom cloud, and the screen goes to black, with a dire warning: "War with Iraq. Maybe it will end quickly. Maybe not. Maybe it
will spread. Maybe extremists will take over countries with nuclear weapons. Maybe the unthinkable."

Then, another "10... 9... 8...," countdown, and a final message: "Maybe that's why the overwhelming majority of Americans say to
President Bush: let the inspections work."

MoveOn.org's leaders hope the ad will enliven the debate on the specter of war - and persuade Americans to oppose a military solution in Iraq.

"We're playing with matches in a tinderbox," Eli Pariser, MoveOn.org's international campaign director said. "We wanted to run an ad that would highlight that very real possibility and help encourage a national discussion about the consequences of war."
________________

Excerpts from today's Boston Globe

FOES OF A WAR IN IRAQ SPREAD THEIR MESSAGE
January 16, 2003

By Robert Schlesinger, Globe Staff

WASHINGTON - The ad starts with a little girl pulling petals off a daisy and ends with a mushroom cloud - a startling image
underscoring an appeal for peace. In an updated version of an infamous 1964 political spot, modern-day activists are trying to urge mainstream Americans to join the movement against war with Iraq.

The 30-second television spot, which is scheduled to start running today in 13 cities including Boston, is illustrative of a preemptive
peace movement that has been organizing against a war that hasn't started. The movement's leaders are using 21st-century tactics to spread their message beyond the traditional ranks of the antiwar movement.

"Our members don't really consider themselves activists," said Eli Pariser, international campaigns director for MoveOn.org, the group
that funded and produced the ad. "It's the first time they've been involved in political issues. So getting out in the street for them is a scary thought, but making contributions and helping pay for an ad is something they're only too willing to do."

To produce and air the ad, MoveOn.org raised more than $400,000 over the Internet from more than 14,000 members between Dec. 5
and Dec. 7, according to the group, which came into existence,in 1998 to advocate against impeaching then-president Bill Clinton.
The group raised more than $26,000 from 1,000 donors in Massachusetts.

...

"On Saturday, you will see many, many people in Washington, D.C., and some of them will be our members,'' said Pariser. ''But what's exciting about this is we can get people who are housewives in Arkansas or plumbers in Ohio also involved in the same political push. I don't think it's a change in tactics necessarily, [so much as] adding new tactics that haven't been available in
the past to reach more mainstream audiences."

The television ad is calculated to get this movement noticed by mainstream America. Starting with the girl and the daisy, the images shift to what peace activists say could result from a warin Iraq: burning oil wells, wounded soldiers, angry crowds.

"War with Iraq. Maybe it will end quickly. Maybe not. Maybe extremists will take over countries with nuclear weapons," a voice-over says.

The image returns to the little girl before flashing to a nuclear explosion. The final message in white letters over a black background is: "Let the inspections work," referring to what the UN weapons inspectors currently assessing Iraq's efforts to develop weapons of mass destruction.

The ad mirrors the television spot "Daisy," which then-president Lyndon B. Johnson's campaign ran against Republian challenger
Barry Goldwater, suggesting that Goldwater was too dangerous to have control of the US nuclear arsenal. That ad ran only once
before being pulled, but it has been rerun countless times as a classic of negative political advertising.

The new ad may mirror the old in more than just its theme: MoveOn.org spent the relatively small sum of $185,000 on airt ime, apparently hoping just a short run would generate media attention.

"The 'Daisy' ad was this ad about the danger that we face as a country and about the choices we have to make sure the worst
doesn't happen," Pariser said. "We felt like we're in a very similar situation right now. With the prospect of this war in Iraq, we are playing with matches in a tinderbox."

MoveOn.org is part of the Win Without War coalition, one of several groups trying to organize a peace movement that encompasses people who have in the past been slow to join.

David Cortright, the founder and staff coordinator of Win Without War, recalled that the group's genesis came during the October
antiwar protest in Washington. The rally, said Cortright, "was all over the map politically and not very appealing to a mainstream perspective." At dinner that night, he and a few others discussed forming a coalition that would be "more welcoming to mainstream constituencies."

"We wanted to project a more mainstream, patriotic message.We feel that the number-one concern about this whole policy is that it's going to harm our country," Cortright said. "We don't go off and start wars, at least that's our tradition."

The Win Without War group, announced last month as a group of "patriotic Americans who share the belief that Saddam Hussein
cannot be allowed to possess weapons of mass destruction" but which also opposes a military solution, was the result. The
coalition includes groups ranging from the National Organization of Women to the National Council of Churches.

"It's an attempt to recognize that it's not just the liberal
left or the theological left or the political left that is
organizing," said Dr. Bob Edgar, a former House Democrat from
Pennsylvania who is now the general secretary for the National
Council on Churches. "It's just average, ordinary, common people
who don't normally get excited about issues of war and peace,
but on this issue they believe that the administration has not
made its case."

hm.

dave and tim dave and tim dave and tim. i actually can't say i didn't see this one coming. but it was still quite the shocker! took a good hour to sink in. it fucking rules.

except for the whole part about how none of it is closer than wisconsin. but, you know, whatever. we'll see what i can pull together this time around. i'm only pratying that they'll add more that ARE closer, but i kind of doubt it. i *must* really love the west coast, because i want to stay here despite the fact that shafts like this one are very very common.

wow. arizona is going to have an actual real honest to goodness music scene the next few months! not only are there free festivals in phoenix coming up, and jamband contest type things, but there are concerts! aah! i just made a list. do you wanna see? of course you do.

1.21 - duncan sheik, aimee mann, rialto
1.23 - leftover salmon, rialto( i already know of two preparties for this one...hmmm)
1.24 - leftover salmon, nita's(phx)
1.25 - robert walter's 20th congress, nitas
1.28 - vic wooten, nita's
1.28 - strangefolk, big fish pub(phx)
1.29 - vic wooten, flagstaff
1.30 - jason mraz, LA
2.1 - carlos washington & the amazing giant people, plush
2.1 - jason mraz, san diego
2.5 - maktub, plush(YAY! local seattle band! yay yay yay!)
1.31 - warsaw with save ferris, skrappy's
2.9 - coldplay, dodge(phx)
2.11 - moe, flagstaff
2.20 - dark star orchestra, rialto
2.25 - big wu, bash on ash(phx)
3.1 - queens of the stone age, rialto
3.3 - the roots, club rio, phx
3.5 - the roots, club vallere, phx
3.6 - keller williams, flagstaff
3.7 - keller williams, nita's
3.8 - keller williams, rialto
4.12 - dirty dozen brass band, UA


i was just waiting for a keller williams date. and he's playing 3 times in this state? god bless him. not to say i'll go to all three, but that kind of shit never happens.

happy happy girl.

ohohohohoh and phish in vegas is feb 15 and 16, which i cannot wait for.

ohohoh, and i started my guitar class last night. heh. and so now i have to make myself practice at least a half hour a day, if not more. that along with my walkingamileaday routine are things i'm going to make myself do. so far so good on the mile a day thing(well, 5 days a week at least, not so motivated on the weekends which is a ok with me), now i just gotta add the guitar.

well, and get a job. which i'm actually working on. but i decided against enterprise. i would hate myself if i worked there. i was already getting condescending towards it before i turned the damned application in.

and now i'm listening to a dave and tim show and "the maker" is on and it's soooo good.

i forgot to say...
my mom and i went to see "chicago" the other night. now, it's one of my favorite musicals. very sexy, fantastic music, amusing story. and i was very pleasantly surprised with the film adaptation. they did an amazing job really making it work. musicals today just don't fly as well on film as they used to. and i was impressed every 2 seconds. all the actors did fantastic jobs...catherine zeta jones has been completely redeemed in my eyes. rene zelwegger surprised the hellout of me(though i've known the girl can act), though she really could stand to gain a few pounds. it was just really really really good.

yeah. go see it :)

i just had a good bonnaroo flashback. i'd forgotten that 7.2.97 is the show where dave wants to take a picture of the audience, and sings a little song. i just downloaded said show, and was listening and remembered driving to the 'roo in sarah's car...

good times, good times.

man, this etree.org archive business is really just rubbing me the right way. in the past 2 days i've downloaded some agr, some jbt and some sci. now of course i've moved on to some dmb, because god knows i don't have enough of that.

i'm all about giving myself more music to listen to so that i can never catch up.

good god, this jbt from the gorge is good.


yeah, it's been a highly productive day. i keep thinking of things i could do that might use a little more brain capacity than watching tv does. i could read - i've got like 12 books lined up. i could write - i haven't in over a month. i could clean my room. i could start that scrapbook i've been seriously contemplating for the past week. but no. i just flip through channels instead. watching lifetime movies.

god, i need a job.

went to our usual haunt tonight, pretty low key group. then we went to one of the bars across the street and turned it up a notch. it was fun.

but my favorite part of the night was when me and aden went to IHOP. we talked a lot about so many things. just about life and our general outlooks and about how lucky we are that we love life as much as we do.

you know, i thought i was going to have a lot to write about it. but i don't think i really do. it's just nice to sit down and really talk to someone. haven't done that in a really long time. we talked a bit about how strange it is that jeremy is the one of the boys i knew the least up until 6 months ago, and how now he's the one i probably know the best. aden pointed out that it's probably because our views on life are so similar. because we both know how we feel about most things and what direction we want to head in, which is pretty rare for people our age. we talked about colin...and mikey...and told stories. it was really great.

when we were paying, we were talking about what our autobiographies would be called. back in highschool, i always joked that mine would be called "she's got issues." that's still true to an extent. then he asked me who was the one person i thought would be able to write my biography. i could come up with one person, but i said it'd need commentaries by other people...mainly dmb people. then i just decided that the commentaries would have to consist of dmb lyrics.

i dunno.

it was a good night. :)

an email i just sent to a bunch of friends...

since new years eve is my favorite holiday, i usually do some kind of email thingie, just wrapping up the year. i had a really hard time with it this year. seriously the second best consecutive year of my life...but quite a bit happened. but then today i sat down just to kind of rehash some of the lessons i've learned, and some of the things that have really started making sense to me this past year...and i figured that would work as well as anything. some of you will wanna shoot yourselves after reading it. buti don't care. :)

so here you go...amanda's words of wisdom for 2002.

everything always comes full circle.

some people believe that everything is predestined. god has a plan, and your life will stick to it no matter what. others believe that we can completely control our destinies. everything is changeable. i've always leaned towards the later. but it's become clear to me JUST how true that is. just how much effect the slightest thing we do has on the rest of that minute...hour...day...the rest of our life. little things we say, tiny little gestures we make. every single thing has an effect on everything and every one around us. we can completely shape our future.

timing is everything. and sometimes you just don't have a choice in timing.

it's better to have people you absolutley love, people you like and people you're indifferent to than to waste energy on actually hating someone or acting nasty towards them. if you don't like 'em, don't be around them. pretty simple.

"gossip is the opiate of the oppressed" - erica jong

you have to go after what you want. it won't wait around for you. there's no such thing as the perfect time and place.

if you feel a connection with someone, follow your heart. it's not worth the risk to let it go out of fear. you might end up as amazing friends. they might be a lover who changes your life in immeasurable ways and then leaves. or they might be the love of your life. you don't know unless you go for it.

if you want to make a tour documentary, make a tour documentary by god.

there is beauty around you all the time. drink it deep. smile.

live music feeds the soul.

if you don't have one person to share everything with, share individual pieces with different people. there are people in your life who will care about specific things. don't keep it all in. sharing a love for life is one of the most powerful things you can give someone. it's absolutely contagious.

weddings rule.

tell people you love them whenever you feel like it. and often. show your gratitude for good things that happen in your life. it's good karma.

"family" doesn't just refer to blood ties.

bend at the knees, not at the waist.

sure, money and distance are a bitch. but see the people you love as much as you can. talk to them even more often.

"it doesn't matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop" - confucius

dancing is the best natural high. it's a turn on, it's a way to relate, it's a tension reliever.

soulmates are real.

life keeps moving. it doesn't stop because something shitty happens. so make the best of what's around. just look for love in it. don't burn the day.

the future is no place to place your better days.

quote dave matthews four times in succession as often as possible.

get a full body massage at least once a year. be it professional or whatever. just do it.

kiss until your lips go numb. i really don't understand why people don't just kiss all the time. good kissers far outnumber bad kissers, and all kissers are trainable.

if you tell people your views on things before you get to know them, they know what you want to hear. if you bare your soul to someone without knowing them, and they've got any motives what so ever, a need for connection can blur your judgement.

"a truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent" -william blake

everyone should go to vegas valentine's day weekend this year. fares are cheap. and it's a 3 day weekend.

lengths of friendships don't matter. the people who know you way back when can keep you grounded, but the people you have close relationships with as you reach "adulthood" know something closer to "the real you."

there's no such thing as the real world.

i have and incredible network of friends.

and finally, my dears, once again i'm going to steal the words of mr. matthews...

every day should be a good day to die

happy new year!

amanda

man, i love long drives home when i'm stoned and listening to music. i get so much thinking done!


towards the end of my drive tonight, i started thinking about my surgery and the 2 days following...for the first time really since it happened. because a friend of mine just had the same thing done today, and i was just remembering...the incredible amounts of pain. and the even more incredible amounts of morphine i was on. lol. i remember the girl who was in my room the second night, who had some kind of knee surgery...but i can't remember the woman who was in there the first night. some older lady...i think. man, i was fucked up. when i first came too, i was happy and completely pain free. stayed that way for a few hours. and then i had to get up to go to the bathroom...and all that rustling around did horrible things. i have no concept of that kind of pain. where you can't help but just moan and cry out loud because that's the only thing you can do, and then afterwards you completely forget what it was like because it was so traumatic.


and i know i'm not overexagerating, because i have one hell of a high pain tolerance.


god, it was a bad bad bad experience.


at one point they'd given me 3 morphine shots, some demerol and a valium, and it was still more intense than i could have imagined. i called my mom sobbing. then i put luther college on my discman and that helped for a little while(ah, the power of music...).


what a fucking trip that was. people in and out every hour to take your vitals...you can't sleep, but you're so drugged that it doesn't matter...the antibiotic drip that i ended up being alergic too, so i was just itching like hell all over my body...oh god, and when they had to put a catheter in because even though i could get up to go to the bathroom, i couldn't pee because i couldn't relax enough...labor breathing came in real handy. pain pain pain. and the first nurse was new, so she couldn't do it, and the second one couldn't either, so they had to summon a third...ow.


ow.


god, i hope he's ok! i was thinking that his wouldn't be as bad because he only had problems with one disc...but then i'm thinking you know...it's not really the back that causes the pain after that surgery. it's the fact that they've completely sliced into the muscle in your lower back.


ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow


the first night i was back at home, i remember i was so happy because i was in my own bed, and i'd finally had a shower(though it'd been a pretty difficult task which involved me losing all sense of modesty because i could not undress or redress myself) and i was just...so glad to be home. and then the muscle spasms set in. they'd told me they would, but i had no clue what it would be like. not painful, but this muscle in my back spasming made my entire body shake. at first it was just my right leg. then my left too. then my torso. and i could not stop it for a good 5 minutes, when the valium set in.


blech. back surgery is not all that fun!


what a fucking experience that all was.


phew.

but luckily, the pain was fucking intolerable for like 3 days, and then after that it improved by quite a bit. wahoo :)

i'm currently remembering just how much i hate searching for jobs, especially in tucson. anyone have any good ideas?

bill just sent me The Song.

good god i need sex.

and every time i open our fridge, i see a thing of whipped cream and all i can think about is licking it off someone.

and now i'm listening to howie and that is not helping a single thing.

this is not going to end well.

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

Suspended decision. Initiation, divination, prophecy. Turning point in psychic powers. Trust in inner voice.
Suspension, change, reversal, boredom, abandonment, sacrifice, readjustment, improvement, rebirth
He usually represents a time of feeling in limbo, being stuck or being prevented from moving forward. He's usually depicted hanging upside down with his hands tied - that's just what it feels like! We need to remain flexible and willing to let go of things, it's probably a time for sacrifice. Like the man in this card from the Murciano Tarot, don't sweat it, take some time out and be patient.
The Hanged Man - External Meaning: Spiritual awareness and the happiness and assuredness it brings. Sacrificing for a noble purpose. Reveral of one's current way of life. Inner peace. Developed intuition and prophecy. Esoteric Meaning: The spirit of the mighty waters. Reversing false images. Sacrifice. Energys: Water

it's a daaaaaaaaaaamn cold night
trying to figure oooooooout this life
won't you
take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
i don't know who you are
but i
i'm with yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou


someone please please please help me. i can't get away from it. it's hurting. oh, the pain. i cant stop singing it and thinking it. argh.

sigh.

i had such a good time in cincy. or should i say kentucky, since that's where they officially live now. and uh, the name of their apartment complex is "the farm." i was having such a good time telling people who called me that i was at the farm in kentucky. and talking with an accent. all day yesterday, while greg and i were at lunch and running errands, i was speaking with this incredible drawl to cashiers and such. it was highly entertaining.

speaking of highly...

we made a gravity bong friday night. ah, the memories. in fact, i don't think i've hit one since that weekend in cincy when my name was given. and i do have to say, this past friday night i was in fact killing gravity bongz. bill hit the first one and almost didn't make it. i had to hit several, seeing as the activity for the night included not much besides watching football. and we all know how much i love football. it was fun though. and we went to tgi friday's in the middle. and then after the game was done, i laughed harder than i've laughed in a long long time. those boys are so dang funny.

hm. yeah. almost time for the real world.

why am i so tired?

oh oh OH! and guess what?! today was the first day in recent memory that i had virtually no pain at all. that is really really really exciting to me. :)

holy macrel doney.

jason mraz was the only of the 5 cd's i hadn't listened to yet. and i'm listening to it now. and it just might be the best of the 5. i really wasn't expecting this! i mean, i listen to the boy's live shows, but this cd is really quite good! makes me wanna dance around my room.

ooh! phish played bouncing around the room the other night. quality. those 4 setlists were fucking good. i can't wait til vegas. i should go look at hotels right now.

i say fuck way too much.

oh, AND?

battle of the sexes... oh my fucking god. i'm not going to be able to sit through a season of girls shouting "vagina vagina vagina!!!!!!" it seriously gave me a nervous twitch. and if the guys don't start winning soon, i'm going to freak out because i'll have to hear them all shrieking every fucking time they win. GOD they're so annoying!!!!!! argh! it's like my worst nightmare of a reality series! girls banding together, and being all cutsie and catty and ridiculous.

and if melissa doesn't get what's coming to her soon, i'm writing a letter.

we can all change
but i know that you will never change
you shut up at night
and when the light hits
you talk to me
i was never so amazed by you
it was such a mutual craze
between you and me, me and you...

i love howie.

yep. that was my first i love howie post of the year. how exciting.

you know, it's strange...
not just how we move our lives for another day.
but.
i digress.
it's strange how life seems to be almost entirely an outcome of timing. everything is timing. little things change so much all the time, yet if you walk into a situation 5 minutes earlier than you did, the outcome could be entirely different. but at the same time, everything seems to really happen for a reason. and it seems like we have so much control over timing... and those two ideas contradict eachother so much. how can it seem like fate is predetermined, yet we have control over subtle little movements and events. i just don't get it!

but i do!

and it's really cool. it just challenges me to constantly be aware of timing, and when timing makes a desired outcome seem more difficult, it's kinda fun to rise to the challenge and see if you can still achieve that outcome.

though, i'll admit it, i fall victim to timing all the time.

am i being vague and redundant enough for ya? well i'm being vague because i don't have one particular example in mind, it's just something that's been tossed around in my mind a lot lately. and i'm being redundant because it's fun.

you think you're so fucking sweet...

i really should write or blog something meaningful, since god knows there's a lot going on in myhead. but it's not formed enough yet to put down in writing. so i'm doing another survey instead. aren't you excited?!

01. Favorite Album- before these crowded streets is so far beyond anything else i've ever heard...


02. Favorite Song at the Moment- "i'm with you" by avril lavigne. heh. i can't believe i just put that.

03. Favorite Song of All Time- #41 or "you never know". or "pig." or "rapunzel."

04. Favorite Singer- dave matthews


05. Favorite Band- dmb. is this getting repetative yet?


06. Any New Music You Are Enjoying- well i just burned a spindle of cd's while in cincy, but it's all the regular stuff. however, i'm really diggin my nickel creek and coldplay cd's.

07. What Is Your Largest Collection- cds


08. Your Most Valued Music Item - my pictures


09. Favorite Concert You Have Seen- god. that's really hard. yeah, i don't think there's even a chance i could narrow it down. can i just go with bonnaroo?


10. Worst Show You've Been To- mc hammer


11. A Band / Artist You Would Have Liked To Have Seen- the doors. jim morrison intrigues the hell out of me.


12. An Artist No Longer With Us You Would Have Liked Meeting- bradley from sublime


13. Any Famous Friends- it seems like i do...but i can't think at the moment so i'm gonna take that as a no.


14. Are You A Writer- i've tried to deny it my whole life, but then i look at my 9 journals and my book full of poetry and my folders full of essays and stories...and i think i should just go with yes.


15. Do You Play An Instrument- nah. i've taken piano, clarinet and guitar. i'm gonna start up with guitar lessons again though. next week i think.


16. Do you Write Songs- i wrote a bunch in 4th grade. they were full of insightful lyrics like "shadows of love circle around me/shadows of love circle around you/shadows of love will always, always be there/always always be there" and "i've been wondering why people've been telling me what to do ooo ooo ooo/they tell me i should go out with you/maybe i don't want to..." since then, i've only written one. and it will never see the light of day.


17. Have You Ever Been In A Band- ummmmmmmmm no.

20. Favorite TV Show- i don't really watch anything with much regularity besides the real world and road rules. that's terrible. i love will and grace though. and friends. and er.


21. Favorite Movie- almost famous, american beauty, english patient, usual suspects, brigit jones' diary, labrynth, terms of endearment, dazed and confused...

22. Favorite Book- skinny legs and all by tom robbins, and now a new one! - written on the body by jeanette winterson


23. Foods You Like- italian, love my mexican food, really good chinese food, japanese food...yeah, pretty much anything that's good :)


(um, where are 24-26?)


27. Do You Cook- yeah. more and more as i grow up. tonight i grilled jumbo shrimp with some garlic and lemon and sauteed some onions and garlic with some potatoes and made a salad with feta cheese and home made balsalmic vinaigrette.


28. Do You Enjoy It- it's a good excuse to crank up the stereo and listen to music.


29. Have You Ever Eaten Anything Most People Would Think Is Strange- octopus? corn on the cob with mayo and parmesean cheese...wow, that was weird. ummmm...menudo has some pretty nasty things in it as well.


30. Have You Met Anyone Famous- john mayer, howie day, glen phillips, bela fleck and the flecktones, that lead singer guy from sister hazel, tim reynolds, dj logic, and probably a few others i can't think of right now.

32. How Many Vinyl Albums Do You Own- does the kids inc. soundtrack count? my mom's got a ton of really good ones...


33. How Many Cassettes- i used to have a fuckload. now...probably 40 or so. but i don't know what they are and i don't listen to them. wait no. make that 80. about 30 are bush bootlegs. damn, i have an obsessive personality.

34. How Many CDs Do You Possess- fuck. ummm...probably about 250 "regular" cds and then...i don't know...500 others? i have no clue.


36. What Is The Strangest Item In Your Home- me

37. What Is The Oldest Item You Possess- we've got a mayan indian spear and staff.


41. Favorite Places To Go- seattle, san fran, portland, vancouver, boulder, cincy, dc, new york city, chicago...but you know, that ol' saying "turns out not where but who you're with that really matters" really IS true.

42. Do You Have A Pet – mocha, the best dog in the entire world.


43. Do You Like Video Games- only old ones. super mario 3 has to be my favorite. i fucking HATE new ones thuogh. absolutley nothing kills conversation as well as the overall vibe of a room. i almost hate videogames as much as i hate football, the republican party and only a little more than i hate the catholic church.


47. Who Inspires You- musicians


48. What Else Inspires You- music, love, sunsets, stars, passion, triumph over tragedy, strength...


49. Have You Ever Wanted To Just Give Up Life- nope

50. Do You Use Computers?- never


56. What kind Of Car do You Drive- '93 camry


57. Ever Been In An Accident- let's see. my first one, i was following a friend on a two lane road who kinda started pulling over. so i decided to pass him just as he started to flip a bitch. hit his drive side door. second one, i totaled my car when i hit someone while i was making a left hand turn at a blind intersection right in front of my office building my 3rd day of work. it was fun. i also hit my insurance agents car once, but that was because he was a dumbass and parked right in front of my garage. sure, i should have looked, but he's still dumb.


58. Have You Ever Had Any Broken Bones- broke my colar bone when i was a year and a half when i fell through the bleachers at a football game. broke my ankle a few years ago coming back from san carlos on a bus. the federalis pulled us over, and i was too busy looking at their pointed-at-me machine guns while getting off the bus to realize the last step hadn't been pulled out.


59. Have You Ever Seen The Inside Of Your Body- they stuck a camera down my throat once to see if i had nodes on my vocal chords. i didn't, but vocal chords sure are gross to watch.

60. Do You Have A Religion- i'm spiritual, but not religious.


61. Do You Perform Any Strange habits- wow. that's a good question. ummmm...probably. i'm gonna have to ask mel about that one.

HEY GUESS WHAT!

did you know that a duraflame log is made of wax and sawdust?!! me either! but now you do and i do too.

happy frickin new year.