maybe different, but remember
winter's warm there, you and i
kissing whiskey by the fire
with the snow outside
and when the summer comes
in the river
swim at midnight
shiver cold
touch the bottom, stars are bright
with muddy toes

stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you should
it was good as good goes
stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you did


wake up naked drinking coffee
making plans to change the world
while the world was changing us
it was good good love
you used to laugh under the covers
maybe not so often now
but the way i used to laugh with you
was loud and hard

stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you should
it was good as good goes
stay or leave
i want you not to go
but you did

so what to do with the rest of the days
afternoon haze
isn't it strange how we change everything we did
did i do all that i should

that could've done

remember we used to dance
and everyone wanted to be you and me
i want to be two
what day is this besides the day you left me
what day is this besides the day you went
so what to do with the rest of the days
afternoon haze
isn't it strange how we change everything we did
did i do all that i could?

remember we used to dance
and everyone wanted to be you and me
i want to be two
what day is this besides the day you left me
what day is this



ooooooh good go. i wanted to put the lyrics to the version on the actual cd down, but that's in my car so i'm listening to the live tracks. i don't know that i'll ever get over that song. it tweaks my heart in exactly exactly exactly the right spot. enough so that i think it's moved into my top 5 . which works well, because it used to just be a top 4, because i could never choose a 5th.

that makes my top 5 songs of all time:
#41
rapunzel
pig
you never know
stay or leave

sometimes i feel like i'm falling...

heh. i was at this show!

anyway. so tour is officially over. wow. that just hit me. granted, my involvement in this years tour was at an all time low. (well, not ALL time). but i had my share of fun. and damn...while last year with all the surgery shit was really intense and changing, i have to say this tour has probably seen an equal amount of change. well...ok, maybe not as drastic. but come on. the move to seattle. the amazing job, an amazing new group of friends, a relationship with a very dynamic and intriguing individual that was unlike anything i've ever known, an amazing west coast run that was exhilerating and beautiful and challenging and emotional and incredibly and wonderfully sexually charged, the move back here, and the transition - which is now "completed." and now, i do have some direction(*shockandaweshockandawe*).

did i mention here i'm moving to washington for good? i can't remember...probably not. there's a lot this bliggity blog has missed out on. but yeah, i am. i've got a job here for now, which left me completely braindead today. not sure if it's right for me, but it's a steady income so i can't bitch.

forget about the notion that our emotion can be kept at bay

um...i've realized that so many things i thought i was are no longer true. i learned this summer what a wonderfully liberating thing affection is. it's not that i've ever been anti-affection, but it's just never been my style. now, i can't stop from running up and kissing and hugging someone if i want to. just from a brief stint with someone who gave out and accepted all kinds of physical love(and i'm not referring to sex at this point in time, thanks), i've realized how important affection is to me, and how much it opens me up.

i'm no longer someone who keeps it all in. i have such an easier time feeling what i need to feel and talking to people about it. i'm very proud of myself for that. i accept that sometimes, people are going to make me feel like shit, and i'm going to hate having to relinquish control at those points, but fuck it - it'll pass. i no longer consider myself someone who has a few really good friends and a lot of acquaintances, but someone who is fortunate enough to have an astonishing array of friends who i can not only turn no, but TRUST. and not only that, but they have my back in any situation and show me such unconditional love that it makes every day a little bit brighter.

but, i think that's the biggest one. i'm learning to trust people. which...after some recent events seems strange for me to say. but though i've been lied to by someone who professed his all-encompassing love to me, i've learned that my instincts are even sharper than i thought. and that laughter goes a long loooooong long way. i still might need therapy when it comes to trusting a romantic love, and god knows that when i meet someone i fall head over heels for, my entire reality will probably shift into another dimension, but where my friends are concerned my trust for them grows almost daily.

that's a wonderful feeling.



where did this all come from?

i don't know. but i'm glad it did. :)