man, i love long drives home when i'm stoned and listening to music. i get so much thinking done!


towards the end of my drive tonight, i started thinking about my surgery and the 2 days following...for the first time really since it happened. because a friend of mine just had the same thing done today, and i was just remembering...the incredible amounts of pain. and the even more incredible amounts of morphine i was on. lol. i remember the girl who was in my room the second night, who had some kind of knee surgery...but i can't remember the woman who was in there the first night. some older lady...i think. man, i was fucked up. when i first came too, i was happy and completely pain free. stayed that way for a few hours. and then i had to get up to go to the bathroom...and all that rustling around did horrible things. i have no concept of that kind of pain. where you can't help but just moan and cry out loud because that's the only thing you can do, and then afterwards you completely forget what it was like because it was so traumatic.


and i know i'm not overexagerating, because i have one hell of a high pain tolerance.


god, it was a bad bad bad experience.


at one point they'd given me 3 morphine shots, some demerol and a valium, and it was still more intense than i could have imagined. i called my mom sobbing. then i put luther college on my discman and that helped for a little while(ah, the power of music...).


what a fucking trip that was. people in and out every hour to take your vitals...you can't sleep, but you're so drugged that it doesn't matter...the antibiotic drip that i ended up being alergic too, so i was just itching like hell all over my body...oh god, and when they had to put a catheter in because even though i could get up to go to the bathroom, i couldn't pee because i couldn't relax enough...labor breathing came in real handy. pain pain pain. and the first nurse was new, so she couldn't do it, and the second one couldn't either, so they had to summon a third...ow.


ow.


god, i hope he's ok! i was thinking that his wouldn't be as bad because he only had problems with one disc...but then i'm thinking you know...it's not really the back that causes the pain after that surgery. it's the fact that they've completely sliced into the muscle in your lower back.


ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow


the first night i was back at home, i remember i was so happy because i was in my own bed, and i'd finally had a shower(though it'd been a pretty difficult task which involved me losing all sense of modesty because i could not undress or redress myself) and i was just...so glad to be home. and then the muscle spasms set in. they'd told me they would, but i had no clue what it would be like. not painful, but this muscle in my back spasming made my entire body shake. at first it was just my right leg. then my left too. then my torso. and i could not stop it for a good 5 minutes, when the valium set in.


blech. back surgery is not all that fun!


what a fucking experience that all was.


phew.

but luckily, the pain was fucking intolerable for like 3 days, and then after that it improved by quite a bit. wahoo :)