i just can't wake up today. probably because i woke up at 4 or so and didn't really do anything but toss and turn until 8. but there's this fuzziness behind my eyes that i find quite annoying.

last night was really fun. went down to campus with paul and nik and miranda to get something to eat and see this band paul's been telling me about. they were quite good. then me and him went over to ben's for a bit, just because we were down there. it's where a lot of my "other" friends work, and so i know virtually the entire staff through parties and stuff. had to have a drink in there while i was down there. i know way too much gossip about the people that work there.

then we headed to meghan's. it was cool to see the boy of course, as i haven't seen them much lately. and then there were several people i haven't seen in a while. the boy i had a crush on that i talked about yesterday showed up. my, how he's changed. even since the pictures i've seen of him. he now has long hair and a damn lot of facial hair.

we actually got into a really really good conversation about what we've been doing and such. i was really surprised to hear a lot of the things i currently feel coming out of his mouth. see, in high school, this boy was a genius. he has a 4.3 gpa, president of this and that, on the basketball team, and he got a 1500(maybe 1550?) on his SAT's. he applied to stanford as well as a few other ivy league schools. he was turned away from 2 of them because they had met their quota of white kids...which is where i start to get a little bitter towards affirmative action, but that's another story. anyway. ended up going to harvey mudd, where he turned into quite the alcoholic and flunked out. er...was put on "academic probation" which involved coming back to the UA to try and get his shit together.

never really happened. but since then he's lived in nyc for a period of time, and just seems really grounded, which is so nice. a more highly evolved version of himself, which is excellent because he's such an awesome person. he's living at home right now, and was talking about how he just wished people would get away from tucson so they could see all that we don't have here, and how much more is available elsewhere as far as your entire life experience is concerned. he told me about his experiences in nyc. and then he started talking about how when he first came back, he latched on to his old group for a while, but now he'll go months without talking to them or even returning their calls. because he just has this need to be able to do his own thing and not be tied down to any one group or person. he likes to go out of his own accord or stay home of his own accord....

and as he's saying all this, i'm just like...well hello there! welcome to my world! when i first came back my boys were my comfort zone, and god bless them for that. but now...i'm just far more comfortable doing whatever pleases me. calling up whoever the hell i want, seeing what they're up to and then either going along or not. it's fantastic.

anyway. i really really liked talking to this guy. got an update on his family and his little niece who was about 3 months last time i saw her, who is now 5(!!!). i just...yeah. much love for the boy.

of course i had to give him lots of shit about virtually everything, too, because that's the way we work. we ended up looking through meghan's dad's old yearbooks and trying to decide which girls were the sluts and all that jazz, and just remembering random shit. it was amusing.

i'm completely in awe of the 360 me and jeremy's relationship has done. haven't talked to him in probably 3 weeks(gave him a call last weekend, and it took him 3 days to return it and i never returned THAT)...and i saw him last night, and it was just...nothing's there anymore. nothing at all. like we hugged, and blah blah. might have small talked a little bit, but all that built up over those 6 months is completely gone. and that's weird, but...i can't say as it bothers me much. he's in full fledged girlfriend mode, and i know a few of our other friends are a bit butthurt that he hasn't been talking to them as much or whatever, but...i kinda knew this was how it would be.

god. am i done yet?

it's a good possibility.