Wednesday, October 04, 2006

TOTALLY FREAKED OUT


uh....

i have absolutely NO recollection of writing that poem down there. yeah, that big ol vague 30-liner. so much so that i'm 75% convinced it wasn't me who wrote it. i know i was drunk last night, but...what the fuck? no memory what so ever! pieces of it make sense... the word "matriculation," for example. i heard it several times yesterday and know i made a mental note to use it in a poem. i also know that i watched my fleetwood mac dvd, though i thought i had turned it off when my guests left, but there's definitely some lines ripped from some of their songs.

but i am truly weirded out. i wish i knew what i was thinking! and i wish i did that much with punctuation when i am sober! and i wish some part of it rang some little bell in my head. it's so rare that i'm black out drunk(i didn't know that i was last night until just now.)- i think it's only happened one other time. god damned swedish drinking team.

jesus - i wonder what time i went to bed! and i understand a little more now why my brain has been so dysfunctional all the live long day.

i am really, truly, wide-eyed amazed about this, though. no memory at all!!!!!!!!!


10:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


black as night


you can learn
that it all makes sense
that you're Playing the Game
the schedule
the plot

but at the same time
respond to a need to grow
and realize that it doesn't change
and doesn't quite fit
because you lie

your voice doesn't make sense
right there with you -
enlightenment puts you on top
without realizing
some sense of balance...
just a repository
winners, losers

i wake up alone with it all
i wake up, but only to fall

they really are far behind, you know:
if you were looking for a place to spray
10,000 dupes, wouldn't you
look for the same thing too?

and fuck you, anyway -
you're that living kind of truth
lacking a placed rumored insanity;
i pretend to his voice

it could provide a slung matriculation
but i see your aim

to false recognition.

a youth that embraces immortality
through false slopes and metered receipts...

i take real crust and snarly smells...

good luck with all that.


3:39 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove



Tuesday, October 03, 2006

from under to over


whelmed, that is.

so, i haven't really written about school or my new job. the new job is faboo, despite the fact that there's some really fucking anal people who love to pin shit on me knowing full well that i can't cry out "but it wasn't me!" if i have to be accountable, shouldn't they? but anyway...

school...well, school has me extremely underwhelmed. granted, it's only been a week. but i'm used to having phenomenal professors with mouthwateringly delicious topics galore. great books, great articles, exciting papers... this quarter? not so much. i am not reading one book. only a bunch of articles, the first of which have been not only dry but elementary. both of my professors are at varying degrees of boring, and their syllabi look standard and well...stoopid! which is sad, as this is my last quarter!

or is it?

i just got back from meeting with my FANTASTIC advisor, emily. and she helped me to rearrange my whole life. not only am i looking at adding an independent study this quarter with my favorite professor of all time, but i've added a quarter to my life at UW. i must be the first student ever to have been dreading graduation because i didn't want to experience the brain-stall that would occurr once my body was taken out of its element again. upon expressing this to her, we ran another audit, and it turns out that i only need 15 more credits to complete a minor in anthropology, which not only adds on to my life in the university, but will make me a FAR more attractive candidate for a PHD in UW's anth program AND give me a chance to up my GPA even more. woohoo!

plus, i get to take a bio-anth class at seattle central next quarter that looks faboo and will satisfy not only a requirement for the minor, but my requirement for a natural sciences class. this is exciting because it means i don't have to take some stupid regular biology class.

i'm excited.

YEAH SCHOOL!

oh, and i can still be done in time for my trip to europe.

she also gave me a huge packet about grad school apps, and apparently it's a long ways off. i need to make a time line and start gathering and testing and...yeah.

but it is a relief. because this quarter was shaping up to be a doosy.

good talk!


11:32 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove



Monday, October 02, 2006

screw driver


it's all a parallel,
you know,
no worries of a collision.

even if it's wanted
or needed.

oh well
go out
walk fast
stare far
grasp shallow

denial is not a parallel.
even when resolved in dreams.