hello there.

I’ve been gone for a spell. and i can’t quite say as I’ve completely returned just yet. i haven’t had time to catch my breath. but i suppose it was never gone...

i just talked to ben and realized how much i really miss him.

in any case, that’s not the actual point. what a magical weekend. do i overuse that word? i remember when i was 16 and just getting to know this one boy, i made a big deal of calling him “incredible.” i was so taken with it because I’d never really used that word to describe someone, let alone meant it so fully. and then, slowly, i used it so much that it kinda lost that essence that made it great. i do use the term “magical” quite freely. but then again, i say i love things all the time, and lord knows i feel more love towards more things than most people i know.

good god I’m scattered.

gorge weekends always go by fast. i remember 2003, when they only played 2 nights, and we felt seriously jipped. but this past weekend just fucking flew. i have no idea what happened. i know that it was stripped down to just a few sole survivors of the clan which always swore it’d make the journey every year. i know that those remaining(namely me, megs, bill and mel) are probably the most low-key stoners of the bunch. we’re the crew who parties until the last bus leaves, and then scurries to make it to their seats on time. but this time around, there were no tapers to make us think about leaving early. there were no anxious drivers wanting to get there on time. there was only us, stoned, drunk, and drinking it in so deep that the logistics of traveling to the venue weren’t even a thought.

it was funny.

the shows were...just...oh god. how do i even explain them when I’m still stuck at that night 2 “#41" opener? and “you never know?” and mel somehow calling that ants->everyday segue? and that incredible “two step” and the perfection of a OSW gorge-run opener and the mouth-watering, sky-opening perfection of nancies and “say goodbye” and the ass-shaking to all the new songs... arms up in the air, hips shaking at the most minute rhythms... oh god, and “#34?” i never thought seeing that live was an option. and seeing my boys on stage... stefan’s bouncing during the first ASTB of the tour, and boyd’s damned smile as he rips it up(be it in tune or not), and dave... oooooooooh dave. that man is just so ridiculously attractive and sensual and that urge he provides that makes you wanna nuzzle up to someone, trail some sweat, bite on a lip...

I’ll just stop with that.

the shows filled my soul. megs and i almost drowned in the river. I’ve definitely got at least one broken toe. we were stinky, stinky fuckers. there was probably a total of 10 hours spent in the tent over the course of 3 nights. the moon was bright and full. the first two nights were clear, and then the third brought us a beautiful light show with clouds in one sphere of the sky, and then shooting stars and satellites in another.

and now, I’m back in “reality” again. except, as I’ve said, i just haven’t fully returned. i did realize while i was gone how attached i am to some of the friends i have here. i genuinely missed people, and that’s fairly rare for me. well, not as rare as it used to be, but it’s refreshing and uplifting to feel such roots forming here. and i love feeling the need for spheres of my life to meet. which made it so wonderful when jeremy, greggie and shellie showed up for night 2(despite the fact that my brain was in a complete brownie haze...for about 24 hours...).

it was a good weekend. it’s been a good few days home. i had home made sushi last night. it was delicious. there are 5 boys living in my house at the moment. all darling younguns who will also be delicious in a few years. or maybe i just need sex. whatever. i haven’t quite gotten in a full night’s sleep in a while, so tonight’s solitude should do me well. after i listen to the boys on “loveline,” of course.


the absence of freaks this weekend...well, the absence of the dmb community in general was pretty pronounced, but the absence of freaks... i was pretty disapointed before the fact. it’s something i know isn’t controllable, but the fact of the matter is that it’s important to me to have something we all do, AND it’s important to me that these people i consider family see my physical reality at some point. and that’s just not a priority for them. it’s rough to accept.

but now, as I’m through the weekend, the disapointment is gone. it was a fucking killer, intense, tight weekend. i missed people, but we did have the ideal crew. and there is always, always next year. and the one after that. and the one after that... thank god for red rocks, though. in TWO AND A HALF weeks. aye de mi.