it was such a fweird fucking night. and i'm far more drunk than i've been in a long time. though maybe that was due to the post-bar, pre-denny's smoking session in my car(while colin drove, of course.)

strange scene at our bar tonight. nick was there. it was so exactly the same...avoiding acknowledging eachother's presence with the most fierce determination. until finally at the end, i went up to him and was just like "i'm not gonna leave here without saying hello to you" and he pretended like he hadn't knows i was there, and...just...GOD...the same old thing that's been happening between us for 7 years now. gives new meaning to the phrase some things never change.

it was really good though to just walk away from him, laughing, because he IS so much the same and so not appealing.

though he is.

but whatever.

then there was the fact that out of the entire group of us, me and that stupid boy were the only ones totally smashed. and i mean...more smashed than either of us has been in god knows how long. so we were "partners." and i came away from him, and from having such a fantastic time with him, thinking to myself: what the fuck is wrong with him? he's such a fuck up for not wanting to be with me.

and that's slightly empowering. because for the love of god, we have a blast together, and we connect on all the right levels, and we love each other to pieces...but he's stupid...and realizing just how turned off of him just by the fact that he can't face up to that is just really fucking cool. :)