well...

i really wasn't sure when i was going to be able to start processing let alone talking about this past weekend. to anyone. i've avoided returning calls from people here back in tucson very purposefully(well, with the exception of one person), as i didn't want to get sucked back into the "here and now" without fully contemplating just what it was i went through this weekend. because really, it hasn't hit me yet.

what can i focus on right now?

how good it was to be back.

it was a very laid back weekend. i spent it with really 4 main people, which was more of a treat than i ever could have imagined. but i saw so many people at the shows, and when we did choose to visit various gatherings and such. and i remembered so completely why it is i love touring so much. and i realized just how much i missed it. seeing people for the first time after a hiatus, be it because the band hasn't been touring or because you've just been out of the scene, is such a fufilling experience. and this time it was even more incredible. standing around in the venue before the show and having people come up to you, and talking with them. and then getting ready to go into the arena and hearing someone shouting your name, and seeing faces you haven't seen in so long that you just love to death, and who you realize feel the same way in some respect or another. walking onto the floor and looking around and seeing even more people you haven't seen in forever. meeting new people with who you share common friends or common stories or really just a common love for the band and the community.

it's such a rush. and i was so caught off guard by the people who knew what had happened with me and who were so incredibly outgoing with their affection and with remarks telling me how much they'd missed me and how good it was to see me.

and what's even better, being able to fully echo their sentiments. because i really didn't realize that people missed me that much. and while i knew that the dmb community holds some of the most compassionate people in the world, i never before realized just how far it can extend. i've always known why i loved my "freaky" friends, but to see the same qualities that i love in them in people i've just seen fairly casually at shows and scattered greetings...is quite overwhelming. and it made me realize what a history i have with this scene already and how many insanely dynamic people i've met, coast to coast. it extends so far beyond my "core" group of freaky friends.

that doesn't even begin to touch what seeing the band themselves did for me. what an incredible release.

but i think i need to focus on that another time.