i've got so much swimming through my head right now it's getting hard to breathe.

i want to go back to seattle. so fucking badly. i have so many issues with so many things about this place. the people, the surroundings, the drama, the weather, the absolute lack of any type of music scene. it kills me to think about staying here for any longer than i am planning right now.

but on the other hand, i have no money. going back to seattle would mean paying rent and trying to find a job, which took me over 2 months last time. i don't think it would be that long this time...

plus, i'm scared to death. as scared as i am of what staying in tucson would do to me mentally, i'm scared of leaving. i've become dependant - which is a fucking hard thing for someone as fiercely independant as i am. i am not better. i've got a long road ahead of me, and i'm facing permanent disability to some extent.

there's just SO many conflicting thoughts and i don't know how to make a decision.