i don't think i have ever felt such hostility towards the people around me. i am fucking disgusted with just about everyone. completely disgusted.

i sit here. all day. aaaaaaaall day. have i mentioned that before? because i sit here all the live long day. i look forward to being able to take my mom's car at night - when i can. and i can't help it if i have an adverse reaction when i'm looking forward to going out with friends all day long, and she calls to tell me she'll be home around 8:30 and then doesn't show up til 11. because i'm not going to fucking ask my friends who live half an hour away to come get me and then be responsible for getting me back up here.

and i'm annoyed with jane too. very annoyed. i'm so damned astounded at the absolute selfishness of people my age. it disgusts the hell out of me. and it bothers me even more that i want soooo badly to show the same kind of behavior to her/them, but i can't because i believe so strongly in karma. people come whining to me about all these things that are SO fucking ridiculous, but i know that i can't judge how fucking lame it is that they're upset over stupid things, so i listen and console and...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

i hate people. :)

and every day that i'm stuck sitting on my ass doing not a god damned thing, the more convinced i am that i am not going to be able to live here. ever.

and you know what? i know for a fact that the next 3 days are going to be absolute hell because the boys are all out of town, my mom is going to be gone all day tomorrow and all night tomorrow night and all saturday and sunday, and jane is working and all of my other friends are just fuckheads.

so what does that mean?

at LEAST 3 more days of doing absofuckinglutley nothing.

oh yes. and i also get to think about everything that i'm missing at deer creek. that's just great.

someone seriously - put me out of my misery.

i suppose i could just finish off the rest of my pain killers and muscle relaxants over the next few days. drugged up haze...could be fun. you never know.