ok. you wanna know something that's bothering me?

jack.

i've talked to jack twice this summer, apart from the time that i went up to flagstaff to see him in late june for his 21st. he came back here to visit when i was on my roadtrip, and then no one heard from him for quite some time.

this is extremley bothersome to me for many reasons. i miss the hell out of that boy. i lived with him for a year, saw him pretty much every day for a year and a half. as has been mentioned previously, we went through a hell of a lot. him and matt were my lifelines for quite some time - the first people i've ever truly leaned on.

i knew when he left for the summer that he was going to distance himself. which is fine - he really needed the distance from tucson and from everything that went down here. but i didn't actually think the fucker would go without contact for so long! he's still incredibly messed up over his breakup with rachael. so i'm glad he's moving on and has found something that makes him happy. but KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME, dammit!!!

now, he's been in contact with several people in the past few days. he's called matt a few times. and he's not coming back at all. at least no time in the near future.

i know he's avoiding calling me. for reasons i don't really feel like getting into(because it'd take too long and i'm kinda tired).

he may call soon. but if he doesn't...ugh. it's not something i want to even think about. i don't think i could take it if another of my guy friends pulled something along the lines of dissapearing from my life for stupid ass reasons. i'm noticing a definite trend here. i try and put it in the past the first time. the second time was pretty bad. with john, it was life shattering(ok, at least it felt that way then), with brian i pretty much didn't care anymore. but with jack...eew. that would not help my trust issues at all.

i guess i should just wait and see what happens.

i'm kinda jaded these days. when it comes to love AND when it comes to friendship.

so now...to figure out what to do to reverse the trend.