i had SO much to say. soooo many things that happened tonight. but then i read one of those cnn update emails in my inbox, and what i read just triggered a whooooole new set of thoughts on the matter.

thoughts that i really don't care to discuss now because i'm not informed enough on what exactly is happening, and i'm too stoned to read about it right now.

but it'll be really interesting to see what happens with the shit that's gone down in israel in the past 24 hours.

that said, i'm going to start blogging about all kinds of shit.

first off, southpark is definitely the most clever form of social commentary out there today. period.

anyway. it's been a great couple of days. it's been a great weekend. started off with kicking ass on my spanish oral that was not even worth worrying about. i usually don't worry about school. 95% of my life-in-school i've never worried because...well, i'm a smart girl. i don't say that to be arrogant(ani lyric comes to mind: i don't think that i'm better than you, but i don't think that i'm worse), i just have always done well in school. it comes easily. but maybe that was just because my school was tough. i've yet to figure that one out yet. but before i go completely off on some huge tangent....

5% of my life, i've knowingly and conciously(and i've NEVER been able to spell that word correctly.i'll admit it.) just done badly. but, see, my standards of badly don't include failing. or really getting anything lower than a C, because i never have. but i've grown into this slump this semester, and just doing what i have to to get by. so...i was actually a tad worried about the spanish thing. because there was a chance i might actually get a D in the damned class, which i could deal with because it's still passing, but it really would have fucked with my already lagging GPA.

but, come to find out, the prof for that class is a god and understands the slacker-nature of my class as a whole, and has raised my grade from a 60 to a 70, thus granting me a C and ignoring all of my absences that should have deducted 8% from my already horrible grade.

oh my.
so i am listening to bush. sixteen stone.

and sure, yeah, whatever - i know a lot of people don't like them or take them seriously or whatever, but i'll admit it - i loved this band. we're talking a minorly dmb-esque obsession. i even have 30 bush boots.

heh.

ahem. ok. that cracks me up.

point is - i love them still. this cd is so damned good.



i really like music that has such abstract lyrics...i mean at times, these lyrics are just plain obscureboarderingonstupid, but for the most part it is very poetic. and moody. and i like that.

i'm skipping this song.

oh, ok. i know which story i'm telling next.
i was at matt and christines earlier for a night cap(went over there at 3, and after being sober all night, smoked. shit. it's late.), and a very drunk as hell christine proceeded to tell me a story. a story that involved a girl who's boyfriend was recently found in a hotel room bathtub, both of his wrists slit and a hair dryer in the bath with him. it's the story of a boy who was given $20000 by his parents when he moved to san diego to use for school. come to find out, the 2 and a half years this boy has been living with this girl, he hasn't been going to school or working(where he said he was.).

now. i find this to be a very interesting story. horrifying if you're involved in it, no doubt, but i'd really like to know what exactly is wrong with this guy. just because i don't know that it sounds like an alcohol related...escape. does that make sense? i mean, slitting your wrists and electrocuting yourself...that seems more desperate than depressed.

thing was, and maybe this is awful, but i don't know that i completely believe christine. she was having a hard time with the questions i was asking. like...i wanted to know the full story, because as i said earlier - it's soap opera material, but like...very very dark soap opera material. so while i don't think she was lying about the whole thing, i think there were gaps in the story she didn't know the answers to, so she was kinda filling in because she was so sloshed.

fuck this
better just to lose yourself

sorry, litte music break in there.


anyway. i think there's only one more thing to talk about. (i'm not promising anything though because i'm on a roll right now, and it's so much faster to type out these thoughts than it is to go back to the paper journal and write it all. i don't even know that i'm that comfortable with blogging as much as i have been...but, we're back to that whole "i like typing better than writing" thing.)

anyway.

oh, shit i forgot.
let's see...thursday i went out with jane, but we met up with a bunch of people at the bar. proceeded to get pretty damned drunk. i don't think i've been quite like that in a long time.

well, since...whenever the last time i got drunk like that was, at least.

it was fun, though.

and then last night went to the bars again, but i stayed sober. glass of wine. but everyone else had been drinking, and we all proceeded to have fun.

spent some time at matt's afterwards.

i came to a really great conclusion tonight. things have just really really fallen together around here. i mean with the groups of people i surround myself with regularly. it's been so strange having all of these seperate groups to go see on the 2 nights a week i really go out. there's so many different people to see...but i've been all over all that before.

shit. and glycerine is on. hmmm.

but anyway. these groups have rather nicely merged for the most part it's really hard to explain it, but they have. i get to see all of my favorite people a lot more often. and that's just...a really good thing. tonight i talked jane into going to plush to meet megan and some of her friends with me. first off - i love this bar. it's so different from the rest of the tucson bars(read: not so much of a greek crowd). great atmosphere, comfortable, loud, live music...it's just different from any of the other bars we frequent - and it's definitely my favorite. had a blast there, talking with this friend of jane's who is just out of a 31/2 year relationship, never had sex, living with her ex, never really drinks, and is six foot four. yes, you heard me. SHE is six foot four.

yeah, you guessed it. it interested me.

are we noticing a trend here? things are interesting the hell out of me these days. and i'm not saying i sit there scratching my chin, saying "hmmmmmm, veddy interesting." i have fun with it - isn't this kind of shit what living life is all about?

so, yeah. then me and jane and megan and clay went to this awesome restaurant in downtown tucson.

now. there's a few things you have to understand about the significance of that sentence first of all - it's in downtown tucson. the shoddiest excuse for a downtown any city over 500,000 has ever seen. pathetic. but it's getting so much better! sooo much! there's an awesome venue there that is finally starting to get some good shows, cool shops are opening...and then there's this restaurant! it's kinda like a diner, and is open 24 hours and is NOT DENNY'S OR IHOP!. ahem.

so, the fact that it's cool AND in downtown tucson adds more to it's awesomenes. get it? got it. good.

yes. it excites me to feel like i'm in a real city. one that i like.

i was glad we went. clay is definitely someone i wouldn't mind hanging around more.

and there were drunk people a-plenty! falling down drunk people.

i was sober, though. yes, sober for the second weekend night in a row. i had enough on thursday night i tell you.

so THEN i went to matt and christine's.

and then, i was driving home, just reflecting on a lot of things, and realizing how much i had to say,which is where this insanely long blog comes into play. cuz everyone here is asleep. silly bastards.

but anyway, i realized something that made me feel really fucking good. everything really is coming together around here. groups have again shifted into a really comfortable place. i have a really solid group of friends who i've really grown to love, and who i really do like spending time with. my friendships have grown this time on very individual levels, so that when i say "my group of friends" i'm not referring to a bunch of people who all hang out together, instead it's certain individuals from all the different groups i've hung around with for one reason or another through the years.

and then i realized that i'm going to be leaving all of that. right when things are really really going well.

and the fact that i STILL totally and completely want to do the whole moving thing, the fact that just realizing what i have here has made me smile even more when i think about going...just really tells me it's the right thing to be doing.

honestly, i've gone through similar phases just about every year since i started college - where it's either a faint desire to leave or a situation where i actually kiiiiinda start looking at places to move, colleges to transfer to, summer internships to do...something always happens to change my mind or make me stop thinking about it. but it's never felt right. i've not had the motivation to actually do it, or it's made me too nervous, or things have been really really good and i haven't ended up wanting to leave.

this time, things are really good here. AND i actually followed through with the desire. and i know that it's going to pay off and that i'm not going to regret it.

yay for introspection! go me!

oh my GOD this is long.

heh. i knew i could remember everything i wanted to say - it was a lot, but it all had to come out.

ok.
fucking shit, i'm done.
i'm going to bed!

ooh.
i forgot this was the imported version of sixteen stone(insert laughter here). it's got an extra track at the end - acoustic comedown. oooooooh. aaaaaaaah