it's really starting to hit me that we're going to war.

i typed "might be" up there, but then i erased it. because i think at this
point that would just reflect denial. i can hope that we won't, but i'm
expecting that we will. and with that realization comes so many fears and
questions that i just don't want to think about right now. even if it's just
for one more night, so that i can go be with all of my friends and have a
great time with all of them together(yes, all these different groups of
people that i know converging in one place...i can't wait), and then face
these things tomorrow.

and for once, i know that these fears aren't just me being fatalistic or
overly dramatic. they're based in reality and that part scares me even
more.