arg.

i don't understand myself.

how many years has it been now that nick has been at least a semi-focal point of my every day existence? and now, he's got a serious presence in my every day life, and i'm pushing...

he just called. but i didn't answer. just sat there and watched it ring, and then snatched it up as soon as the voicemail light started blinking. and i could call now, and he could come over, and yadda yadda yadda...

but that would just make too much sense, now wouldn't it?

i'm frighteningly good at pushing people away. usually just the people that i really want to stay, though.

gonna have to work on that one.

back to reading House of Leaves i go! i want a report on tonight's john mayer encounters, dammit!