tumultuous times...

i'm regularly ridiculously outwardly greatful for all of the amazing things in my life. so thankful. so when nights like tonight hit, i have to remind myself that it's not me being whiney and dramatic.

serious path of turbulance.

there's a lot going on. but topping it off with all of this hurricane business...i think a part of my soul was totally axed tonight as i read through the newspaper. i am so touched and so mortified and so humbled and the depth that this is reaching my heart at is not something i can really express. i'm not flailing because of it, and i'm not a depressed wreck - the enjoyment of my daily life is still quite marked and vivid - but i aways feel this shit more than the people around me seem to. and it takes a while for me to realize that that's the reason i'm moody.

ugh.

in any case. so many displaced people right now...such horrors i can't imagine...i was definitely driven to tears on one occasion, and actually let them flow a while ago. mark it - i don't cry often.

but on my drive home, i thought of the loves i'll be seeing in a few days. i cannot fucking wait to hear matias' voice. and his antics. and see scotty's tye dye. and maybe bobbo will dance for us, and huffy will smell, and my fiercely female friend jen will sit by my side so we can comment and chide and take solace in eachother's strength. i cannot fucking wait for that.

--

earlier in the evening, i was prompted to leap up to an impromptu walk of a very brisk nature. and i sat on a bench, at sunset, and wrote a little something. entirely un-hurricane related. in any case...( i hate introductions)



emotions running so high
a patch of desperation
i could place on any of 5 people
when the truth is
it's something that lies in me
a difficult time
he's there
he's not
he will be
change and struggle and gaited patience
give me speed
to stomp it back down
power lines
everywhere
staggering pleasure
lying 2 days away
just gotta put it out
push it out
live here now
live here now


(if you give, you begin to live)