letting go...

i just typed that and then my mom came in to bitch about something. yeah, i'm definitely not over that.

but anyway.

this weekend has seen 3 changes in my thinking. one...johnny and rachel have been out with us twice this weekend. and i'm over it. granted, it took me almost 3 years to get there, but i just don't have the energy to be bitter and spiteful and angry with them(though they were always muted responses.) i'm must over it. i haven't talked to rachel in almost 3 years. i'm not ever going to have a relationship with her again, but at least when i walk into a room and she's there, i don't start laughing.

jeremy and casey...well, they should probably be two seperate things. casey would go in the johnny, rachel category. i'm just over it. over her. she's gonna be around, fine. whatever. jeremy...gave me the biggest hug of all time last night when i was leaving. i know that's his way of telling me how much he loves me. his hugs speak a thousand words. we talked a bit by ourselves last night, after not really even acknowledging eachother all weekend. there's a lot to repair there. a lot. and i don't know if i want it to be or if it will be. but we'll see.

finally, i said goodbye to paul last night. he leaves tuesday for a year. going to palestine to go to a university. i don't think any of us, including him, grasps the full scope of that. but it was a strange goodbye. i just hope the power of my mind can protect him all the way over there.