so...i just watched it. and...it's sitting very very heavily with me. maybe because it hit so incredibly close to home and because thoughts of daniel were laced through the whole thing...that would make sense, i guess. but i found that movie to be incredibly powerful and even more horrifying, and wonderfully successful at attempting to show on film the reality of that disease.

god, i feel like i'm gonna bawl any second...

it's hard for me to imagine anyone who doesn't know someone with schitzophrenia having the same reaction. i've watched my brother talk to people who i can't see. i've heard him shout "bitch" at me after he hears me scream something at him that i never actually said. i've heard him ask me if i believe in hell because he knows that's where he's going. i've seen him talk to my mom about how she's been taken over by aliens, or move over on the couch to allow for some hallucination to sit down next to him. i've seen the suicide attempts and i've visited the mental hospitals where every second you feel like someone inside is going to loose it in some way or another. the attempt for all of the patients inside to grasp reality is absolutley palpable. i know how impossible it is to help someone with the disease understand that there is treatment and that it is important to acknowledge the disease.

man, i'm having a hard time writing about this.

it was a beautiful love story. i think that's the most simple way to put it. it would be my hope for the world that everyone has someone that devoted to them and their wellbeing. alicia nash is a truly amazing human being. john nash's ability and dedication to accept and work through his disease in itself deserves a nobel prize. the triumph over such painful circumstances is something i find so inspiring...gives me a little hope that maybe my brother will make it down the rough road he has ahead of him.

it's just...yeah...sitting very heavily right now.

*deep breaths*