uuuuuuuuummmmm.

yesterday was weird.

today i was freaking out. not like emotional breakdown psycho freaking out, just freaking out because i'm totally rethinking my "plan."

ha! we all know how good i am at planning.

i don't know where the change occurred...i used to be almost control freakish in many ways. i liked to know exactly how i was going and exactly how to get there, just for my peace of mind. now this whole moving thing comes along, and i have somewhat of a plan. i know where i am gonna volunteer and where that means i need to live. figure i'll find a job once i have the details of the living thing figured out.

but now, upon closer look, i'm not sure that's what i want to do at all. i talked to the woman from stand up for kids yesterday...and after looking around bremerton and silverdale, i'm just not convinced that's where i want to be living. i could actually have a chance at finding roommates if i look more towards tacoma or even bellvue, and seeing as that specific volunteer job will only require at MAX 5 hours a week(probably more along the lines of 2 or 3), i can't justify living sooooooo far away from everything just for that.

well, and then last night i was watching the national pro-life association or whatever it's called speak(anniversry of roe v. wade was yesterday), and it scared me. these people are brilliant. their plan is completely well thought out and it totally prays on the interests and ignorance of people who don't read into things. they have their candidate in office, whom they consider to be a strongly pro-life one, and they have huge financial contributors backing them. if bush acts the way they want them to, he will be receiving massive amounts of funding from these contributors for his re-election.

anyway.

my back up plan had been to work for planned parenthood. and i really think that's what i'm gonna shoot for now. i went and drove by the two offices closest to here earlier today(only to discover that i had forgotten my wallet and was running low on gas), and a new plan has totally formed in my head.

unfortunately, i'm placing tons and tons of pressure on myself. i hate feeling like i'm burdening mel and lisa. it blows. they're not doing anything to make me feel this way, it's just how i am.

but i won't put the whole mindfuck down here.

the point IS - i'm HERE! and life is good. :)